Small Victories

A while back, my dad told me "Hey sweetie, I think I have something you might want to hear." He went on to tell me he talked with a woman who mistook me for his son when he dropped me off at school. I went out to yell "YAY!" or "FINALLY!" or something among the lines, and I smiled and felt so happy and jittery. I felt very comfortable and validated for the rest of the night. It was the only time that ever happened, but at least I passed, from a distance. I hope it happens more often.

 

I was at a sleepover and one of the girls wanted to know if I had 'muscles' in my arm. I don't know but that's always felt like a 'manly' thing and it made me happy.

 

Went to my first party since coming out so I got to introduce myself to people as Isaac and I talked to this hot guy who called me attractive and said if he wasn't in a relationship he'd so get with me. Completely stealth and apparently I'm actually alright looking even pre-T. Put me on a high for the rest of the night.

 

KipKip, Lacybi and Aberrance, I'd say those were big victories!
I've got my first assessment at the Gender Clinic tomorrow! Really nervous and excited. I've been waiting for nearly 4 years, so fingers crossed!

 

My friends were making up masculine name for each other and couldn't think of a name for me and so they started calling me Gerard Way (Cause I'm a big fan) other times one f my friends call me Aeron.

 

So my friend is doing a Transgender awareness thing for her final piece in a photography course. I agreed to be a model for her and we took a load of pictures and I just felt so GOOD. The pictures are going to be up in a gallery for a week or so and I just can't wait to see them and show my friends ^-^

Also I now dress however I want whenever I want except for at school

 

I went to the lake this weekend and walked around in shorts and a tank top the whole time, my unshaven legs and pits exposed. I've never shaved, but I've also never walked around in public like that. Even in 90 degree fahrenheit weather, I'd be in jeans. This is the first time I decided to just say fuck what the people around me think and do what is most comfortable. I think this is an important step for me. The whole time I was just thinking "what? I'm a guy. Of course I'm hairy."

 

Today I went to a restaurant with 2 people. One, a parent, the second, the parent's friend who brought us out to lunch. There was a waiter there who called them "ladies", and when he got to me he said "buddy". This made my parent more then a bit mad, so she pointed it out to us (her expression was priceless), and I just laughed in her face.:icon_bigg

Coincidentally, we went to another restaurant, and the waitress there happened to do the same thing. This time I laughed even harder. :roflmao:

 

For my creative writing class I'm making a PMV video about the struggles of being non-binary trans. I'm super exited about it, haha.

Also, my mum finally agreed to let me cut my hair short!

 

I took scissors and cut my hair short, and then I got sirred. That's how you do it the Michael way. Aim. Shoot. Hit it.

As for the restaurant thing, something similar happened to me recetly, and my parents were shocked I just pretneded not to notice.

 

Finally got one friend to start using the correct pronouns, and my other friends have started to follow her example

 

I finally found a new therapist. Not that I want or really need to go right now, but otherwise my health insurance won't pay for any surgeries. The therapist seems pretty nice, plus it means I'm one step closer to top surgery.

 

I was talking with a friend in PE, and got "gentlemen"ed for the first time by the substitute teacher.
What a feeling..
When I looked surprised she added "or mam" as a second thought.. But I'll take what I can get.

 

Got lasered, waxed, and bleached today. Always a victory in my books!

 

Yay ;< Unfortunately, I'm broke, so those are out of the question at the moment :icon_redf

 

I'm trying to develop a more masculine fashion sense over the past few weeks, and although it is a bit hit-and-miss at the moment, a couple of people have told me they like the way I do my hair, I've been told that I look 'formal' a few times and been compared to a cowboy and a dad. Again, it's hit-and-miss at the moment, but it's a start.

 

Over the last year, I sank into some of the worst depression and dysphoria I've ever experienced. I was suicidal, I hated myself, and every week I seemed to have fallen farther.

Maybe it's too early to say, but this month I've finally started healing from all that. If I can manage to get my finances together, I'll start grad school in August. If not, my parents still promised to help me get my own apartment. I'll be able to get away from the fundamentalist world I'm trapped in, find my own path, and possibly consider transitioning. I don't hate myself now, and I feel like my life is moving forward again.

 

I told my sister and she barely reacted. Made it seem less daunting to tell other family members. She is extremely open minded though. When I came out to her she actually followed my admission with a secret somewhat more surprising than what I told her. XD but I must say, just imagining her telling my mom what she told me made my secret seem like a smaller deal.