Why is femininity in men so hated and disliked?

Society has set down a view to male and female.

Males must act masculine and strong lions protectors of their lionesses.
While Females play the role of the lionesses who take care of their husbands.

It's just how society views genders. Masculine females and feminine males are looked down upon because people follow the bandwagon of the "alpha males".

 

I'm not sure why I find it so annoying when a femme guy expresses his dislike of other femme guys (not saying this applies to you), and especially when they're completely unaware that they're more like the other than they think. It's one thing to have preferences, but another to write them off and put them down. You hardly seeing masculine guys treated with so much disdain and hostility for being "too hairy" or "too muscular" or whatever.

In the most ridiculous cases, you get guys who are only into tops, married, or "straight" guys, which makes no sense, especially if they consider themselves straight. It's like the further they move from stereotypes, the less they confront that part of themselves? I want to say, "Dude, you're f*cking guys!"

 

If I were to be honest I would say I am a reformed anti-femme guy. anti-femme would probably be too strong a word, more like I just sort of avoided them/found them unpleasant. That being said I think that was because the only two femme guys I had known in high school were people that I was decidedly not fond of. One was the most preppy, annoying, brown nosing teachers pet around, with as much backbone as a jellyfish. The other was a weird pervert who went around doing things such as offering to pay straight guys (some of said guys were my friends) money to let him suck them off. needless to say both of them were quite annoying and unpleasant individuals to be around and this translated into a bias against femme guys assuming they were all weird/annoying.

However since getting to university and meeting more people I have found that it was just bad individuals who had created this image in my mind of femme guys being annoying and such. I have met more femme guys who are much more well balanced and pleasant people to be around. I still don't have too many of the same interests as those femme guys I have met or relate to them very well. But I no longer hold the view of femme guys being annoying or lesser anymore. So I can say that at least personally I do not look down on femininity in men.

 

Doesn't really apply to me despite the Beyoncé icons, most people are shocked when they find out I'm gay. But anyways, I think I should further specify with my post.

I don't find all feminine guys annoying, I guess when I picture feminine, I picture the high pitched, rude, obnoxious, loud, in-your-face type of guy. I don't picture a pleasant cutie baking cookies for his husband. I guess I'm being black and white about it. I think the problem is that people (along with myself apparently) stereotype a feminine guy as a "bitch". When in reality, that's not always the case. Come to think of it, I've met a really sweet guy who was quite feminine. I've also met really unpleasant feminine guys. Same goes for masculine guys though. Wow I don't even know what to say I've just talked myself out of my own stupidity.

 

I have know idea. To me it always struck me as weird that some people have a problem with feminine men and had no one has anything against masculine women.

 

I think you're confusing feminine with camp, flaming, queeny, etc. There are many forms of femininity, and like I've said before, many people aren't completely one thing or another, but exist on a continuum. Now, I do think certain pitches and speaking patterns are more common in gay men, as are certain facial features, interaction styles, music preferences.

I've plenty of straight male friends who are into the arts, or emotional, or more "colorful" in their clothing choices. They could all be considered feminine in one way or another, but make no mistake, they're still men, and they attract a fair amount of both love and hate for being different.

And yeah - cooking is considered "woman's work", but every guy I know who is good in the kitchen somehow seems to have it work in their favor. Not gonna lie: having a partner who's good with their hands is a bit of a turn-on, itself. :lol:

 

Traditionally, Men are supposed to be very masculine and strong. They are supposed to be the leaders of the pack. So, when you have a man who fails to live up to those expectations, he will be considered as being weak. Male femininity is seen as a weakness. It's considered as an undesirable trait.

 

Yes.

Society values strength. Therefore, femininity is interpreted as a weakness.

So, society strongly dislikes "feminine" traits in men yet tolerates and encourages "masculine" traits in women. Some will scoff if a man chooses a "softer" occupation yet applaud a woman who chooses a more "rough and tumble" occupation. That's what I've seen.

Then, this begs the question of what is considered "masculine" and "feminine" and what level or degree would have someone labeled "masculine" or "feminine." That most men have a feminine side and most women have a masculine side is something society should just accept and not get all knotted up over.

Personally, I like everything in moderation, but that's just me. Instead, I think the biggest problem is the "witch hunt" for what is not appropriate for each gender. For men, this would be people's dwelling and even commenting on grooming, apparel, sense of style, penmanship, being articulate, and, last but not least, being independent, meaning that flying solo bothers them more than it does you!

Yeah. It's pretty messed up when you think about it.

---------- Post added 10th Dec 2014 at 09:28 PM ----------

Great post. My friend refers to the sum total of the features you mentioned above as "the built-in look."

As for the bold, they do attract both love and hate, especially from the "witch hunters."

 

Or "Being emotional is a sign of weakness, women can be emotional because they are the lesser sex, but men can't.'

 

And that's the problem. That straight men view women as weak. It's shameful. Women should be respected not treated like sex-objects. Disgusting.

 

I'm going to assume you completely ignored my second post where I clarified? I said I automatically thought of the rude, loud, obnoxious gay guys when I heard "feminine". So please.

---------- Post added 11th Dec 2014 at 03:12 PM ----------

I think I was picturing a rude, queeny type of guy. I know that there are nice femme guys. I just automatically went to the negative end of the spectrum I guess lol! And yes, of course. The feminine straight guys cause me frustration because I feel like they're gay but they're not. It's all tied into stereotyping I guess!

 

If only.

But yeah, sexism, internalised homophobia. I've seen it a bit in young gay guys who are recently mout of the closet, or not yet out of the closet, and are still in the "so maybe I like guys, but I'm still a normal guy, I'm not like ll those femmy freaks" stage.

 

When I say this thread, I had to say something. I am a transgender boy. A homophobic friend of mine found out and though he tries to respect me, actaully calling me Chase and using the words "he" and "his" when referring to me, he still does not understand. He flat-out asked me "Why don't you want to be a girl?" I tried to explain to him I wasn't one inside, but he insisted on pointing out my feminine traits, like how I might cross my legs occansionally or wear make-up (I like the kinda gothic glamour look, since my friend always puts a ridiculous amount of make-up on my face when I go over there.) I mean, I know these traits are pretty feminine at first glance, but I don't think I'm the only guy who does it. Like, why can't the guy next to me cross his legs without seeming super "female?" It saddens me that people seem to want to doubt who I am at every turn, just because I try to educate people on who I am... I know how I feel, and despite my young age I don't think it is right of other people, especially my peers, to doubt who I am! I may not be the most "macho" guy, but I feel like a freaking guy nonetheless! ...I'm sorry I went on a rant here.

 

I think it's due to the old stereotype of 'effeminate' gay men being slightly reversed, although I'm not sure. Personally, I'm not into it, but that's just me - I don't think anyone should be discriminated against due to their personality etc. I also think that LGBT people shouldn't be type-judged (e.g. a gay guy being assumed to be effeminate due to sexuality).

 

Misogyny, homophobia, internalized homophobia.

 

I personally dislike it and am put off by feminine men sexually (again PERSONALLY), but I have no problem with it principially.

I guess that generally though, it's because of tradition, which is based on instincts - gender roles are there for a reason, whether you want it to be true or not. They are rooted in the way nature works. We live in a world where taboos are broken though, and humans are no longer primarily acting by their instinct - so I think in time (pretty soon I guess) gender roles will become a thing of the past.

Is it a good thing or not? I am not one to judge. I just know I like manly men, and feminine women, and I definitely ain't homophobic myself.

 

I find it damned sexy

Just stereotypes. Doesn't make much sense to think about where does it all come from... It's like wondering where the crap comes from... Who cares...