Dealing with chronic illness and sexual intimacy

I have psychological issues and mild chronic physical illness. I think if anything antidepressants have increased my sex drive, likely because it was impeded by depression. I also have a mild immunodeficiency, it affects me some times more than others, especially in the winter I get sick frequently though I'm on prophylactic antibiotics year round. I don't think it affects sex drive in any way though it does cause some gastrointestinal issues. I'm also frequently more tired than most people, which I assume is the depression combined with the physical health issues.

 

I've been on anti depressants that have caused me to have many sexual issues not being able to ejaculate was the tough one but I'm on one that suits me. when finding what anti d is best for you it's good to tAke your sexual needs into the equation IMO if it's possible speak with your doctor about switching. If possible

Regarding your BP could lifestyle changes help regulate your BP? Diet exercise ? Not saying to stop your meds but They might just help your first problem too

 

I have a chronic physical illness Well, 2 if we want to get technical. I can't say how/if it's affected my sex life because I've had them all of my life. I know know different. But I imagine it does in some ways.

When I'm not stressed out, I have a crazy high sex drive. I joke that I wonder how high my sex drive would be if I were healthy!

That being said, I am very curious as to other's responses to this.

Odd question--weren't the pretty blue pills actually invented to lower blood pressure and it was in trials that they found it had other.....uses?

 

I have Movement Disorders. Known disorders are Tourettes Syndrome and Dystonia. My undiagnosed neurological disorder causes most of my issues. One which does not respond well to doing too much at once.

Sex is also another trigger. My brain sometimes just tires out and I don't move or lose concentration. The other reaction is to feel electric shocks throughout my bodies. Makes intimacy rather difficult.

 

About 5 years ago, I weighed ~180 lb (5' 10") and was diagnosed with somewhat high blood pressure. I started an exercise program that took my weight down to around 140 but was also given BP medication of Lisinopril and Metoprolol; not much of them but some. It is apparently fairly conventional to prescribe ED medications when these drugs are prescribed since they CAN affect your ability to achieve or hold a firm erection. There did not seem any negative connection between the BP drugs, blood pressure, and the ED drugs (Levitra in my case). I continue to take the BP meds but have only used a half-dozen or so of the ED pills in the last 5 years. They will definitely make an erection "firmer" and more lasting, although that may or may not be required depending on why you happen to need an erection. *I* have noticed no association between the ED drug and my BP although my BP is not really what I am thinking about at these times. (!)

My point is that drugs do not affect all people the same way; you may be able to use one or another of the ED drugs without any major affect on your BP, or you may be able to have a major impact on your BP by changing your lifestyle over time. I ride my road bike 100-200 miles a week, workout two days a week, play racquetball a couple of hours 5 days a week, and now weigh ~155 with very little body fat onboard and more muscles. My cholesterol levels are crazy-good; my resting heart rate is around 48 bpm and my resting BP is usually around 105/60. You have to give the drugs help with what they do by what you do. And sex of various kinds is no problem with or without the ED meds, as long as the situation is very "stimulating" and your head (the one you put your hat on) is into it.

 

I don't need to have sex often, but when I do, it makes some problems to make it comfortable because my illness causes chronic joint pain in my case. <.< Also, too much of physical effort is dangerous for my heart. (I mentioned in another thread that I have Marfan syndrome)
Thankfully, my love is really understanding and caring.

 

I was previously off antidepressants for several years when my anxiety/depression started affecting me again. It was at my gf's urging to make an appointment to get back on them. Although my mood was almost immediately stabilized and did the trick, we did notice that it affected me sexually. Not so much my drive, but with difficulty achieving orgasm. I had my dosage decreased and that did help. It is something that I am thankful I can discuss with my partner, otherwise it might have had a very negative effect on our relationship.

 

I've got the gamut, but it didn't effect me except one anti d that was awful. Told the Dr and switched.
I'm achy, but once it starts, I don't notice.

Only straight sex. It wasn't great, but even that kept me going.

 

Quiet man, I also have high blood pressure. For twenty years I took a beta blocker. While it did not affect my ability to have sex per se, during the entirety of that time I never had a morning erection. When a new doc changed my medication from a beta blocker to an angiotensin II receptor blocker, my morning wood miraculously reappeared. I never even realized how much I missed it! Anyway, my point is, there are lots and lots of BP medications; perhaps you could explore with your doctor changing your medication?

Incidentally, I should also say, I'm not sure that the blue pills necessarily will send your BP sky high. In fact, they are prescribed officially to lower a very specialized form of hypertension — pulmonary hypertension. Taken in conjunction with poppers, they can drastically reduce your BP to the point of causing death. I am not a doctor or a pharmacist (nor do I play one on TV )

 

I got beta blockers for my heart issues, too. Should I worry?

 

My husband actually tore the nerve in his groin. He's in a lot of pain constantly, and it's put a strain on his ability to engage in any traditional sex activity. Speaking from my side it, it bothers him more than it bothers me. There are so many ahhh, assistive devices, and different adventurous ways to have sex and intimacy. I think being creative and willing to experiment are the more important component. Antidepressants can really do a number on your desire, but there are many different kinds out there and not all affect your sex life the same way.

 

Bunny

This just sounds awful. I have nerve issues due to back injury and the pain can be excruciating. This is just a trapped nerve...not a tear! Can this be cured?

 

A dr at UT Southwestern said he had heard of a successful surgery 2 times, but he didn't know the name of anyone who had done it. He searched for over a year but couldn't find anyone to refer us to. We are going to see another specialist at the Texas tech medical program who specializes in unsual cases. There are actually a lot of people who suffer from extreme pain in the groin area, there's a condition called Pudendal Neuralgia. The hardest part is that most Drs have no experince treating that area, and even a few want to say it's mental problems. (This is something Dr's regularly say when they don't know the cause of a problem. I can think of 5 different cases off hand where people have told me their dr said they needed therapy, but actually the brain was slipping out the back of their skull, they had a giant lesion on their spine, and ect...) We'll keep trying medicine gets better everyday.

Unfortunately the traditional treatments of gabapentin and Lyrica have caused some sever mental side effects, he just got off Lyrica and I've never been so thankful for anything in my life. Warning to anyone who is taking it the withdrawals are pretty bad, it you decide to get off you might consider using some vacation time if possible.

 

Bunny

Thanks for warning on Lyrica. I am on gaba...I went 3 weeks only sleeping a couple hours a night with muscle spasms and cramps due to my nerve compression. I too was maybe crazy during this time. I was in and out of REM sleep all night which caused me to have erections all night. Made me horny as hell too. This is when I started looking for gay hookups.

I ended up seeing several docs who told me I needed therapy/anti depressants. Finally, I told my spine surgeon about my nighttime issues...I was so embarrassed. He told me I needed the Neurotin...gaba. The sleep disorder could have killed me! Or ruined my marriage. I was better the next day after sleeping 18 hours.

I think the brain can try to accommodate for pain, especially due to nerves, and it can really screw with ones emotions.

 

Gaba was a miracle at first it was over a year into it that he's started having personality changes. Just bad luck, it works wonders for most people. I'm so glad you found good advice from a competent Doctor! And that you are doing so much better!

 

I'm bi, but had a great sex life with my wife, until my health nose-dived. Now I'm unable to get or maintain any sort of erection, which makes hetro sex impossible. I have chronic pain issues which also make it difficult for me to use toys to meet her needs. We do have toys that let her be dominant with me. This is one thing that has hurt our relationship, as she feels it's more about me needing a man than wanting her.

Over the years I've been out of commission, things have gotten better on her end, but not mine. I mean I've always known I was 90% gay, but now that I don't function, a lot of days I feel I should be the female in a gay relationship, as that's the only way I can have sex myself.

I don't think I've answered your questions, but ask me anything, I'm an open book.

 

Hey BinMS

I am sure you have tried all sorts of different positions to try and please your wife that are not too painful. Injuries can sometimes trigger some ah...rather creative solutions which can be fun.

Now for the TMI...

I am learning now to do some bio feedback in anticipation of someday maybe not being able to "perform". In a word..."orgasm is a state of mind". I have not learned to do this reliably or soft yet and I can only do it thinking of my wife because of the familiarity. But, it is worth a try to see if works for you. There are also prostate orgasms...those take training too and can be intense.

You may be able to engage your wife in helping you achieve these. At least it could be an intimate experience regardless of the outcome (oops).

FWIW, the biofeedback tools can also help with chronic pain so getting some training could be a big help. Do you have MS?

 

Hey Nick, yes we have tried everything. My problem is I broke my back which led to fibromyalgia, and even though I'm not paralyzed, I do have a significant amount of nerve damage. Specifically the nerves that control the penis, so I am just unable to get an erection, and if I do any movement makes it go away.

Now, we do have some toys that I use to meet her needs (as much as possible), but because of pain issues my arms will not always hold out long enough. We also have a strap-on (that we have had since we got married pre-injury due to my sexuality), and there are times that I can manage to let her be the man, but even that is getting difficult due to the nerve damage.

You mentioned a prostate orgasm, funny thing is I always had a prostate orgasm when I was with a man, he never had to touch my penis, just his thrusting did the trick for me. I was that much of a female.

I know, I know TMIX2 LOL. How I ended up married to a woman since I am 95% gay I don't know, but it happened, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. But my current health condition just seems to say I should have stayed in a gay relationship, because it has made that the only kind of sex I can actually have.

My health has also pushed me emotionally to needing a man, and since I am poly it is real hard for me to not get bitter because she is monogamous. But I promised her I would give up being poly and would stay monogamous, and that is what I will do. I'm just having a hard time understanding why she won't even consider just talking about the possibility. Why can't she see how much this hurts me, why can't she just try to understand my viewpoint. I'm supposed to live by her beliefs, while she doesn't even care enough to let met me explain how I feel.

I know she is scared that I will leave her for a man. She understands that there are things that men provide emotionally for me that she can't. But she can't understand that no one else in this world can provide the things she does. She doesn't understand that no matter what else I do, who else I see, I will always love her, she will always be my primary. My current problems and sexual disabilities seem to her to echo my feelings for not only men, but for plural relationships, and I can't convince her otherwise. Which makes my emotional condition even worse.

That's what I live with everyday. Did I leave anything out, or is there anything else you would like to know? Talking about this makes it easier to deal with, so I'm willing to tell you anything you want to know.