Does my friend think of me as more than a friend?

I would definitely be able to do texting. Or at least initiate part of the convo through text. It's so difficult in person because, like I said, neither of us have cars and every time we're alone, it's for little bursts before we're back to our group and we have to interact with each other and people always either hang out at his house or my house.

The thing is, at this point, I don't care if he "screenshots" and I don't think I'd be too pissed if he leaked that I was bi if I text him that because, to be frank, I'm well-known and a lot of people think I'm good looking.

So, should I just text him tomorrow? I know it's better to do it in person but honestly it's so ridiculously hard in person in my case, you don't understand. And if yes for texting, any tips on what to say/how to start/etc.?

 

This'll probably be my last update before the big one we've all been waiting for...

I came over to his house because his brother invited me over. For some odd reason he was really lovey-dovey a lot of the time... At first it was fairly normal, and then he asked me "would you get a girlfriend now?" And I said "no" and he kept interrogating me "what if it's the girl of your dreams?" "Why not?" Etc. and basically I just clearly relayed that I don't want a girlfriend.

Then afterwards was when he became strangely lovey-dovey. Every couple of minutes he'd say something and say "I love you" and then hug me.

And at one point he was looking at me as I was on my phone and he asked "what are you doing on your phone?" And I said (in a light-hearted manner) "like you'd care and like it's any of your business" and he said "come on... I love getting to know more things about you."

And then at one point I wasn't saying anything and he looked at me and said "sometimes I just want to love you."

And then at one point we walked to get food and came back and then he didn't finish his burger and he said "wanna eat the rest?" And I said "no" and he said "come on finish it" and he said "eat it. If you don't eat it I'm gonna have sex with you. *pause* okay that was a little weird"


And then when it was 1/2 am and we realized we had to go somewhere at 9 am he said that I should just sleep over and he said "you're sleeping over? In my room? Okay" and then he walked up to me with a smile and said "has anyone ever hugged your face before?" And then he wrapped his arms around my head and was rubbing his cheek against mine and commented on my beard rubbing against his face.


...and then 5 minutes later we played a song with his brother and he said "this is going to play at my wedding."

And after the meeting when we had to get picked up and I got dropped off at my house and we had half an hour to kill, he purposely didn't choose tables to sit at where we'd be face to face because the last time he did that he said "do people think we're gay? Probably."

And during the meeting itself I noticed so many times where he'd do these constant ridiculous stretches so he could see me from across the room with people blocking his view of me.

And in general he was very sweet and nice... Overall there are times where I think he's super gay and other times where I feel like maybe he's straight but is the nicest and most affectionate being on Earth. I dunno.

Thoughts?


On the VERY bright side though, there's a 99% chance I'm going to have the conversation via text tomorrow! No matter what I'll be happy to finally get some closure and progress with my life. It's been holding me back for too long.

 

Very funny/annoying dilemma...

I texted him last night, asking if we can talk about something important right now.

I set my phone down, and it gets water damage (I spilled tea where I placed it).

So now I guess I'm forced to have the conversation with him in person when I see him Friday haha. I guess it's better this way.

 

Fixed my phone, doing it tonight

 

Well... I told him. Everything.

And he responded, saying he's not disgusted at all and he wants me to be someone that stays with him in the future and that he sees me only as a best friend

 

I dunno. We'll see as time goes on, I guess... And the convo isn't over

 

I feel good that I told him... But his actions don't correlate with the words he said in the text. He makes no sense. I dunno. I'll continue with the updates I suppose

 

In case you guys wanted to see, here's the convo. His response pissed me off for some reason... It feels like he doesn't mean what he's saying and he's also pitying me... But I dunno. I'm gonna text him today and request to talk in person tomorrow.

Me:
"I need to talk to you about something important. I would much rather do this in person and I've been trying to for a good month or two but there's never been a good time and there's not enough privacy when we hang out and we don't have cars or anything to meet up somewhere. I guess I have to resort to text because it's been sort of suffocating me for a while and I don't think I can handle it any longer. This is the "bad convo" I tried to have with you months ago. I tried to prolong it as much as possible because I didn't want to risk losing our friendship but I just can't take it anymore.

I'm gonna be honest and say what I see from my perspective. What's been bothering me is our honestly very weird friendship. I love it a lot but it's weird as hell. I personally feel like we have a very good bond and we overcame hating each other and I feel like we just click somehow, but it's the weirdest friendship I've had in my life and it gives me anxiety and it's because of the way you act, or the things you initiate.

I mean, the numerous times you've held my hand in the car or when we're watching a movie or whatever, the slow-dancing we sometimes do, the forehead and hand kisses, the touchy-feely-ness in general like caressing my face, all the random romantic hugs, the constant "I love you"'s, the acts of kindness like giving me breakfast at camp even when I was treating you like shit, the constant teasing, following me around at times, stuff like blowing a kiss to me at camp, the interesting comments, like "I wish I could just be in your arms forever," "why do we always have so much sexual tension," "sometimes I just want to love you,""stop being cold and let's just cuddle," "making out with (me) , I wonder what that feels like," "if I could watch one guy getting head it'd be you," etc. etc. there's so much more I could say but you get the gist of it. And I promise I'm not making anything I said up. In my opinion this is definitely an irregular friendship... I don't know any other guy friends in the world that act the way we do towards each other. Then again, you're a romantic and touchy guy in general whereas I'm not, and I'm 99% sure you're just being friendly and there's a good possibility it's all in my head and I look like an idiot.

When we first actually became friends I'd be weirded out from how you'd act but recently, your--what would normally be perceived as--romantic actions and words have made me realize that I'm bi and I can't deny that I think of you as more than friend... Something that weirded myself out and took a long time for me to accept because it's taboo and whatnot. I'm sure you probably already figured, which is why you asked why I had a crush on you at camp and you told me that you're only friends with me because you feel bad. You said it in a joking way but I could tell you were being serious, and it's the main reason why I wanted to have this convo, as it's proof of how weird our friendship is, along with you suggesting more one-on-ones the other day because we most likely think of each other differently. But I had to admit this anyways because it's been bugging me for a while.

And now you can probably understand my strange behavior towards you and why I'm cold or I try to ignore you. Sometimes it's because I'd try to have this convo with you and I'd get sad because I'd be worried about losing you and also potentially get kicked out of the group because I love everyone, and I'm not embarrassed to say that you're the best guy friend I've ever had, or at least the one I've enjoyed spending time with the most. And sometimes it's because you'd act very lovey-dovey with me (hence our tons of weird looks and comments from people asking how long we've been dating or asking if we're gay for each other) and then you'd make out with (girl he made out with) or tell me to get a girlfriend and I'd be confused and frustrated even though I've hooked up a decent amount of times myself. And most recently it was because of the "I feel bad for you" comment before we left camp.

So yeah... I wanted to tell you all this because I felt like this convo needed to happen and you deserved to know, especially since there is the very likely possibility that we think of each other differently and care about each other on different levels. Whether you feel the same way (not what I'm expecting don't worry) or you're on the opposite end of the spectrum and you're disgusted of me, I felt like you needed to know this and I shouldn't hold in what I think or feel any longer especially since it's been eating me up inside and it's made me into a more negative and short-tempered person. I don't want to lose you but if that's my consequence for being honest then I have to accept it.

Sorry I didn't tell you sooner. However you react to this I'll be totally fine with it. If you want me out of your life I'll leave it. I'll leave the group, the group chat, (organization), (another organization), after a few more meetings. You don't even have to respond. If you don't, I'll get the hint and leave your life. If you need time to think, that's fine. If you want to talk in person about this somehow, that's fine and I'd actually prefer that. If you're on the opposite end of the spectrum like I think you are and you're nice enough to do me a favor I'd like to still be acquaintances. I'll tell (his brother) when people are over and you can tell (his brother) to tell me when people are over and we don't have to interact beyond that, you can just pretend like I'm not there. And if (friend who usually gives me rides) wants to sleep over when I'm there I'll take a taxi home. And you can hook up with any girl in front of me and I'll be okay with it. And on the plus side, by this time next year I'll have probably moved out and I can be out of your life forever. So yeah, whatever you say, or whatever you decide, I'll be okay with it so don't be afraid to speak your mind.

Once again I'm sorry I kept something huge like this from you. And I wish I did this in person but like I said there's really very little privacy for a convo like this. I'll have your clothes back to you without having to interact with me somehow. A huge favor though, please keep everything to yourself because you're the only person in the world I've told any of this to and I trust you with this so please keep it a secret because I can potentially lose a lot of friends and I'm not ready for something like that, and I'll do the same for you. This took me a shitload of balls to admit and type out so please understand that. Thanks for everything and sorry for asking for some really big favors and I'm sorry for putting you through this."



His response:

"On the listening end this is a lot to take in, but that's a good thing because this is something you had to express and get off your chest (nothing wrong at all with doing that), and I appreciate the fact that you trust me saying all this. I won't tell anybody this'll stay between us so don't worry. I'm sorry for the discomfort and anxiety I've caused you and there are things I've said and done to you (joking or not) that I never should have. Again I'm sorry for that and now I know to not do things like that again. I'm not disgusted at all by any of this man don't ever think that. I've always liked being friends with you and I want it to stay that way I don't want any shit between us to ever happen because you're a great, smart friend and someone I want around in my future. I view you only as a best friend, and I respect these thoughts you've shared and your orientation and I'm not at all a shallow person that will make anything weird between us. If you want we'll tie up loose ends and finish talking about whatever we haven't already in person. Thanks again for telling me this bro I really commend you for it, knowing how gutsy and difficult it might have been. It shows a lot of admirable things about the character you have."