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idea for coming out to parents.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MaddogMJ5, Apr 11, 2014.

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  1. MaddogMJ5

    MaddogMJ5
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    So I texted my dad asking "So, what are ya gonna do about...?" that's the best I could come up with. He said "There's nothing we can 'do', but I have some questions for you, and we can talk more on Saturday" "Or I can talk, and you can write"

    I never responded, cause I couldn't come up with anything.
     
    #41 MaddogMJ5, May 16, 2014
  2. Peacemaker

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    hey i have been following this post, thats great dude it means your dad is willing to talk to you about this just try and be patient and as for the cutting you might want to take up a sport like boxing something physical or something creative like dancing or singing to let the energy out, hope this helps!
     
    #42 Peacemaker, May 16, 2014
  3. MaddogMJ5

    MaddogMJ5
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    Well, I don't like to do sports, but I did notice that one time, instead of cutting myself, I cut my shirt all the way from the bottom to the top. I never actually hurt myself when I did it. So, maybe I could figure out a better way than ruining shirts to help, but something like that.

    As for being creative......I don't do that. I absolutely suck at anything that has to do with the even slightest bit of creativity, I never come up with anything.

    Anyways, thanks for responding :slight_smile:
     
    #43 MaddogMJ5, May 16, 2014
  4. Peacemaker

    Peacemaker
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    lol ok then well WHAT DO YOU LIKE?
     
    #44 Peacemaker, May 16, 2014
  5. Tectonic

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    Whatever you do, let your dad know you appreciate what he is doing. Just a 'thanks' will suffice. He seems like a great guy.
     
    #45 Tectonic, May 17, 2014
  6. MaddogMJ5

    MaddogMJ5
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    ........I don't know

    I will. :slight_smile:
     
    #46 MaddogMJ5, May 17, 2014
  7. Peacemaker

    Peacemaker
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    #47 Peacemaker, May 17, 2014
  8. oliro

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    you are right, just explain that you dont want to talk about it...
     
    #48 oliro, May 17, 2014
  9. MaddogMJ5

    MaddogMJ5
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    Dad came into my room again. He asked how exactly I came upon this feeling of being bi, if I noticed it by just being around people, experimenting or something else. He worded it pretty weirdly and asked me if I knew what he meant. I tried to answer, but I just can't. So I just kinda made a positive groan or something, and he left. That was at about 6pm or so. I didn't even bother getting out a piece of paper cause I couldn't didn't wanna answer. I don't know what to say, it's just so weird. I kinda have an answer, but it's just........weird.
     
    #49 MaddogMJ5, May 19, 2014
  10. MaddogMJ5

    MaddogMJ5
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    I'm at my dad's house right now, school started over an hour ago, I'm not going. Partly cause I didn't get that much sleep, and partly cause there's just not enough time to myself. I'm always going back and forth between my dad's and my mom's, and have NO time to myself. Here's my very confusing schedule.
    Monday: Arrive at dad's house at 8AM, go to mom's house at 5PM
    Tuesday: Arrive at dad's house at 8AM, stay there
    Wednesday: Stay at dad's
    Thursday: Go to mom's house at 5PM
    Friday: Arrive at dad's house at 8AM, go to mom's house at 5PM
    Saturday: Dad picks me up at 7pm-ish
    Sunday: Go to mom's house anywhere from 5-10PM
    My dad works like 5am-5pm or something, so when I arrive at my house, my dad isn't there.
     
    #50 MaddogMJ5, May 19, 2014
    Last edited: May 19, 2014
  11. MaddogMJ5

    MaddogMJ5
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    I'm at my dad's right now. My 11 year old step brother Kyle just walked in, kinda yelled "MATTHEW'S BI!", but he didn't even pay any attention to me, just put his shoes on, got a jacket, and walked back outside. So I'm sitting here like "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!". I think he was just joking, but I really don't know what to think.

    ---------- Post added 19th May 2014 at 08:06 PM ----------
    mom's house*
     
    #51 MaddogMJ5, May 19, 2014
  12. MaddogMJ5

    MaddogMJ5
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    Oh and also, I'm 9 days free from cutting *sarcastic "yay"*. One more day, and I'll beat my record. It's just that no matter how long I last, I never really feel any sort of accomplishment, I guess that's why I just give up after a while
     
    #52 MaddogMJ5, May 19, 2014
  13. mbanema

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    It may be hypocritical of me to say, but don't give up. It may not seem like a lot to you right now, but when you feel like you've reached rock bottom any step forward is a big step. You're clearly still struggling with expressing your feelings, but you've taken a risk and jumped way outside of your comfort zone to try to get help and make things better for yourself. I really admire that.

    You should really stop skipping out on school though. I understand your frustration with moving from house to house all the time and can definitely sympathize with how you're feeling, but that will catch up to you sooner or later.
     
    #53 mbanema, May 19, 2014
  14. w1e2e9s5a9L6ou

    w1e2e9s5a9L6ou
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    Hey there, I completely understand why you may not wish to talk to your parents face-to-face. I however also know how important it is to have those hard discussions and how strong and sure you will feel afterwards.
    The idea of writing a letter to them is great, it will help you be able to formulate your words/thoughts before you confront them. Maybe message them about how you know your sexuality (they will ask), and mention how you feel about yourself - are you sure/ashamed/guilty/happy/confused/scared/upset? If you show them how you feel it will help them know better how to react and regardless of you wanting them to just accept and move on, there will be reaction, i guarantee. This is because they care about you. Just saying if you send exactly what you have there, it will seem that you are still in denial and are unopen to others opinions/questions/care.

    Suggestions to improve their perspectives
    - talk about how you know/who you know.
    - are you dating anyone/have you dated anyone?
    - How do you feel about yourself, what expectations would make you feel best (happiness, acceptance, encouragement, etc.)
    - talk to them honestly about what's in your heart and head, it will help I promise.

    Lastly, I also came out to my parents with a letter, and it was an easy opening door at first, so good luck dearly. Be prepared to have to answer questions and be prepared for a needed face-to-face, whatever that looks like. I know you can do it, and it's a big decision, so make sure you're comfortable and ready to tell them, then just be yourself! (&&&):thumbsup:
     
    #54 w1e2e9s5a9L6ou, May 19, 2014
  15. MaddogMJ5

    MaddogMJ5
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    I just got home from my friend house, played an AWESOME game of MtG Two-headed Dragon, and won. I got home and dinner was ready and dad just started eating, so I sat down and started eating. After a while of just silence, he asks me if Ryan being gone will help my Depression and Anxiety. I knew it would to an extent but I'm not really sure. I just sat there and looked and my phone; neither of us said anything. So eventually he got up and let the dogs in, and I went back to Larry's house cause I forgot my backpack. Now I'm just laying in bed, it's 15 minutes past bedtime but dad's not saying anything. I always stay on my phone for an hour or two anyways.
     
    #55 MaddogMJ5, May 20, 2014
  16. Tectonic

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    He's trying, but you have to give him something. Even just one word answers will do. You don't have to have a full blown conversion immediately. Try to give him something, though. I'm sure that getting this shit off of your chest will really start to help you.


    Good for you! :slight_smile:
     
    #56 Tectonic, May 21, 2014
  17. MaddogMJ5

    MaddogMJ5
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    I was talking about saying something about bedtime.......
     
    #57 MaddogMJ5, May 21, 2014
  18. MaddogMJ5

    MaddogMJ5
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    It was about 10:30PM, so I kept on bugging my dad I was hungry, and wanted dinner, so eventually we went to Taco Bell. We were about 3 minutes from getting there and my dad asks "So, how has the depression and anxiety been since Ryan has been gone for about a month? Better? the same? or worse?" Again, I stayed silent, but I REEEALLY wanted to say something. I kept on saying to myself in my head "Better. Better. Better." We got to Taco Bell, and got in the drive-thru lane. He said he wanted a verbal response by the time we ordered, or he would just drive off. So, instead of saying it in my head, I said it very quietly, not even audible to myself. I kept on doing that, over and over again, slightly louder each time. Until he could hear it. But he didn't understand it. So, I kept on going, until he finally understood me. Then he said "Finally, it wasn't that hard" I just stayed silent again. That was it for the conversation. I finally made a word, yay?
     
    #58 MaddogMJ5, May 25, 2014
  19. Hyaline

    Hyaline
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    Takes baby steps to learn to walk... You just took a step... Yay!!!! The next one will be hard too, but will get easier each time...
     
    #59 Hyaline, May 25, 2014
  20. MaddogMJ5

    MaddogMJ5
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    lol, thanks. I hope it will, but I'm not sure.
     
    #60 MaddogMJ5, May 26, 2014
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