What are you thinking?

I'm sure everyone I know really hates me now, but I really like those Zimbio quizzes.
This time I got Drusilla.
The answers were so obviously her I couldn't resist!

 

My best friend just got hit by a drunk driver she's fine but I'm shaking and crying

 

Aww, oh no. (*hug*)

 

Come on, really?

 

I love cats ^^

 

Kats und cats

 

Awesome! ^^

 

Where is my coffee ?!

 

You don't even want to ride bikes down the hall?

I mean, some company's overdue. At this point, I've started talking to the pictures on the wall.

 

Feeling really gross and dysphoric. Have been to some extent all day. Sports bras don't do enough to flatten. I want my binder but it's at school- couldn't wear it openly anyway.

 

Am I really coming out to someone I barely know? :eek:

Well, in some ways it's easier. Yet I have a habit of keeping my gender and orientation a secret till later...

 

I'm never going back. The past is in the past.

 

And procrastination takes over.

 

I fucking hate her. She is a fucking stupid illogical :***: i don't care.

I was showing my mum something on google maps, a business next door at our neighbour's apparently that we didn't know about and seemed odd. And mum was gonna call her and ask about it and then I was like just tell her you were on google maps I don't want to hear birthname. and she like I'll say (half birthname), and I'm just like don't mention me or whatever. and she said something really annoying; basically the usual brushing aside respect for me and my gender/name. and she tried calling the neighbour but her message thing was full--

And then all of a sudden she starts talking about this guy she knows down the street and his fam, and I forget whose twins they are, but mum was like they're twin girls and one's transgender(wow we're off to a great start you disrespectful :***:--you're already calling him a fucking girl), and whoever the person she was talking to was showing pictures or whatever. And mum was like talking about the trans guy, and saying "she, he, whatever" (fucking asshole/total disrespect) and was saying how he lets the family or whatever use birthname(way to go there buddy, sacrificing your self-respect and something that's a part of you like that to please others), and mum was basically totally in favour of that bullshit and saying that's "how it should be" in that annoying ass pretentious preachy tone. And I'm of course protesting that shit-- i'm like calling her ass out for disrespecting this guy and using the wrong shit and blah blah blah--I fucking hate her guts i'll tell you what right now.

And then suddenly she's saying what if I took away the internet? and i'm like wtf? and i say why can't you just wait til I get a job and I'll pay for it? (though i know what she's really implying with that shit) and of course she says how the internet's not good, and I know exactly what that asshole's implying. She thinks the internet has made me think I'm a guy basically. She deserves a fuckin logic award right there

And I don't remember the order of when I said this, but I talked about how compromising who you are and other shit is fucked up basically, but what's the point of using logic and basic rights/respect type of stuff on a person like this. And at one point mum was being a total asshole and saying don't have heart failure blah blah blah---I have never heard her use that one before. We're really reaching some all new fucked up level aren't we mother dearest? She hears how upset and angry I'm getting and says something like that, I don't know, it just seems a bit more fucked up than her usual shit.

So I think I can safely say when she starts seeing changes and hearing my voice change when I'm on T, that she's gonna go ballistic and do who knows what. I'll have to move out and find someplace/a roommate, who the fuck knows.

i tell you what when I finally leave this shithole for good, I am cutting off contact with her I don't give a damn. If she thinks she can pull this shit on me and think she has a right to call me a name that isn't mine and everything else--fuck her, just fuck her. she's a goddamn fucking racist, homophobic, biphobic, femmephobic, transphobic, gender-roling, stereotyping, generalising, irrational, illogical, gets way too angry over stupid shit all the time, unreasonable, is a jerk, is an asshole, vengeful what goes around comes around bullshitter and she is just beyond toxic it's disgusting.

 

I don't understand her...now everything's fine. Like she comes back in the house and asks if I've been watching American Idol, and she's all being decent and reasonable and as if what just happened over half an hour ago didn't happen!(and this is what she usually does/something like a fight like that happens and then she's back to being nice to be around wtf)

And so I say no and I ask why and she starts talking about how this one girl is so much like our neighbour's niece/daughter(I don't remember what she is) like her mannerisms and her look. And so I go on youtube and she's there with me an watching this girl and I'm feeling fine with mum and now I'm not pissed at her anymore, but can't help but think wtf is this whole thing of like toying with my emotions? Cause that's what it kinda feels like.

And then she saw this person on the thumbail of a vid on the side, and mum was basically like you might relate to her, she might be transgender. Sure she wasn't being annoying or mean about it, but I was first like, if you don't know someones gender say they, and there are masculine women sooo....(my point being, just because they were dressed in masculine clothes, by what i could see, doesn't mean they're a dude).

And then a bit later, we're talking all friendly as she's getting ready to leave the house. We're on good terms again, and I just don't understand any of it.

 

I just disconnected my TV from its usual spot, put it on my desk, connected it to my laptop, and now I have my notes, outlines, and articles on one screen and my paper on the other. Oh, grad school, you make me do such crazy things!

 

Wow. I thought the essay would be short and easy. Now I feel so hopeless. I don't even know where to begin. I will need a whole day to do a lot of reading before I can write this. I guess tomorrow will be my day off.

 

TPP is back on In it other words, I guess I should do laundry and clean up the dorm...

 

Hoping that if I shave peach fuzz, no one's going to notice. Did one patch on chin to test, so hoping as long as there's no obvious stubble, I'll be fine.

 

No snow tomorrow please.

Ohio and Pennsylvania can keep it.