Do you think biphobia from people within the LGBT community is unacceptable ?

Of course it's unacceptable. Duh.

As for why it exists, well, I think some people are under the impression that bisexual people either don't experience 'real discrimination' (because no bi people are in same-sex relationships, ever! :bang: ) or have a magical ability to choose to be 'straight' whenever it suits them. And then there's a common trope I see specifically for women: the "bi" girl who is married to a man and just wants guiltless sex on the side, or kisses other girls for her boyfriend's enjoyment. :rolle:

 

Because there's no bisexual scene, per se, many have to search out other options and, as with gay or lesbians off the radar screen, many pass for straight, so there's that "privilege." That they have that, and could go stealth, could create tension with some GLT folks. That's understandable.

 

I have nothing against bisexuals, but don't sympathize with their plight as much as a purely homosexual. I can't relate to the majority of the population on a pretty common topic; sex. Bisexuals can, regardless of their feelings, so I really just can't understand or sympathize with their problems completely because I don't see a problem; if you are worried about being rejected you can at least date the opposite sex.

They may have feelings....etc for members of the same sex, but based on homosexual's posts and my own experience, I would've LOVED to have feelings for girls. Things would be a lot easier if I didn't have to lie COMPLETELY about my sexuality. I know bisexual people do have to lie, and encounter hate, but it is not nearly as rampant as a homosexual, or as confusing as a homosexual.

To lack complete attraction for the opposite sex is a devastating thing as a child, and I emphasize complete lack. Homosexuals really have it tougher, and I think that makes some of us jealous, and also some of us pissed off when we hear about a bisexual person complaining of their struggle. Yes it is a struggle, but it isn't nearly the same or as much as for a homosexual person, so I guess it's easier to discriminate against them.

Though no discrimination is acceptable, I really just think homosexuals don't like the fluid heterosexuality of bisexual people, and yes bisexuals are partially heterosexual in the fact that they can engage in and fully enjoy heterosexual sex, homosexuals cannot. This is annoying to some homosexuals(those who want to be heterosexual) and therefore bisexuals get grouped into the heterosexual category.

I don't mind the LGBT community, but I really only understand the LG part and not the BT. I have much more sympathy for trans people though than bisexual, so perhaps all three communities need their own separate support groups with the LGBT being more an umbrella term for anyone that isn't heterosexual; though trans people can be heterosexual.

This isn't meant to be offensive, just a legit opinion. I really can only understand Lesbian and Gay men in their struggle, and kind of shake off anyone that has any heterosexual tendencies as "not really" the same type of minority.

I also think bisexuality is possibly more rampant than homosexuality, and that a lot more people may be bi with a preference, and have taken a heterosexual lifestyle without ever admitting it; because they don't need to. So bisexual people to me seem to be under represented and are only grouped as a sexual minority, when they possibly aren't that much of a minority.

A lot more people have admitted to having both homosexual and heterosexual thoughts than to just purely homosexual.

This is not slamming bi's just saying that some gay people may feel that bisexuals don't have it that hard and can't sympathize that much.

I think heterosexual's generally acceptance of bisexuality also is a reason to be jealous, a lot of straightpeople joke around about having the potential to go bi for certain people, and this sort of makes bisexuality a joke; though it isn't. Since females use it to turn on males, and some guys talk about it like it is funny. Bisexuals really haven't had any media exposure either, and anyone that admit to being bisexual is usually tagged as heterosexual wanting attention, so possibly some real exposure could solve the problem.

I personally don't know a single person that is openly bi, so again it is hard for me to relate to because I don't even know a bisexual. I also used bisexuality as a way to accept my homosexuality when I was younger, so again, homosexuals have used it as a lie before so they may be weary of others who say they are bi.

 

Let's not get into another "x has it tougher than y" debate, since it really helps no one, and only creates animosity between groups within the LGBT community. I'm really trying to keep a clear head while writing this post, since I've noticed an increase in biphobic posts on EC lately, a support site, with disclaimers along the lines of, "I've got nothing against bisexuals, but..." They were mostly from gay men.

I feel no need to apologize for who I'm attracted to, how I identify, or what I've done, and if it's really that much of an issue for a gay person, there's a simple solution: stay away from me. No one is forcing you to date or fuck bisexuals, and your own jealousy and insecurity are your own issues, not mine. And in the case that I do end up deciding I like men more somewhere down the road and end up identifying as gay, don't expect me to suddenly become any more sympathetic towards these biases, either.

First and foremost, there is no heterosexual privilege. The moment I mention finding a guy attractive, having fooled around, or anything else related to my sexuality, I get strange stares, sometimes homophobic insults, and definitely a change in the dynamics. I'm one of "them", suddenly. A "faggot". There is no curious, questioning, or fluid in most people's minds, just straight or gay, man or woman. I'd argue that a masculine gay male, regardless of out status, has it easier, because even if I decide to keep my sexuality a secret from a good, oh I don't know, 90-95% of the population, since I'm not exactly a model for masculinity.

It's frustrating, constantly being told by your own "allies" that you don't exist, you're confused, you're privileged, you're fortunate, and finally, made to feel like your struggle doesn't matter, that you don't belong here, all the while having to listen through it, obliged to tolerate and understand, while the anger and resentment builds. I've heard many times from transgendered and bisexual individuals that the LGBT community is largely G, or G+L, which I disagree with (although times like this makes me a lot more understanding of their views).

I think one reason I have an easier time talking to the older members on this site who previously identified as bisexual or straight for years, actively involved with the opposite sex, is there's more understanding and less bigotry, having lived on "both sides". There's less of this ridiculous tribalism and intolerance for differences (Ew, vaginas! Die, breeders!) Is there any surprise many bisexuals choose to identify as something else, then? With thoughts like these so common in the gay community? Why should we play nice when a lot of the hate I see spewed is so one-sided?

All I will say is the information is out there, and if you truly wish to know, we'd be more than happy to help you understand, provided it's not just to confirm biases or some other ulterior motives.

 

Oi, you could say that for homophobia. People aren't shaming people for being biphobic, they're trying to educate people about bisexuality and dispel the negative stereotypes around it.

 

it's unacceptable from anyone. but it's more shameful coming from LGT folk. and i've said this before and i'll say it again. i've seen biphobia on this forum for 6 years and this thread is no exception. it's so frustrating.

 

Which is why I absolutely never begrudge someone for being homophobic. They're allowed to think what they want and feel what they feel.

 

Any phobia is unacceptable! That includes Biphobia, Transphobia, Asexual phobia.

 

We've had two discussions about this, and I thought that I had refuted this claim about bisexuals having it easier twice before. Though I tire of repeating this, I'll tell you that whether bisexual people can enjoy heterosexual privilege is contingent on their relationship status and also on whether--in any case--they fit the normative gender presentation for their sex. As I have said, I have not, and will never enjoy straight privilege even if I'm in a heterosexual relationship. I feel unsafe enough in my hometown that I carry a weapon with me when I am in public. I get that you have your reality coming from your experience, but I have my reality coming from mine and my negative dealings with gay men out in the world. These realities coexist. I suggest that a meaningful synthesis for you would be to stop believing categorically in the claim that bisexuals have it easier than gay people in the aggregate. I realize that you feel it's important to keep repeating that. I am questioning why.

Additionally, it bears repeating that any "advantage" we have being able to pass as straight is at least offset by the hostility we face from gay and lesbian people on a constant basis, and which people on EC compound continually. These hostilities include being told we're more likely to cheat, that we're cowards, and that we haven't sufficiently questioned. I've been questioned and told I might really be gay by two guys I hooked up with and read nasty things written by gay guys on EC.

I feel like part of being "open and loving" to everyone includes making an acknowledgement that we face hostilities coming from your community.

The reason you can't sympathize too much is that you've been extremely offensive and difficult to reason with in the past. You're the only EC user ever to have reduced me to tears. Apparently, your views haven't changed much. Now you just aren't openly hostile in your rhetoric.

 

I am curious, and I'm not challenging anyone in particular, but what sort of biphobic things have people here read on EC? I haven't seen anything yet and I'd like to know what sort of things get said.

 

I don't think it would be tolerated here. Outside of here, I have heard:
- "you're in denial"
- "it will come" (complete physical and emotional attraction to men)
- "yeah, right" / "that's what a lot of people say"

I'd say those are the Top Three comments.

 

People have said they won't date us...

 

Absolutely. Personally, I never understood it, it always seemed stupid and hypocritical to me.

---------- Post added 3rd Oct 2013 at 06:23 PM ----------

And I hate it when people don't recognize or respect someone's bisexuality. I have this one gay friend who thinks he knows it all about sexual orientation, he's in denial that bisexuality really exists.

 

I do think biphobia is unacceptable, whether it comes from within the LGBT community or not. When I first started coming out as bisexual (and I really did think I was bisexual), I was really bothered by perceived attitudes of biphobia within the LGBT community, and how the issues we as bi people face are ignored. But in truth, it really IS easier to be able to come out as "bisexual", rather than commit oneself to being full-blown "gay", forever closing the door on normativity. So being bi is easier in some regards, that's why so many gay men and lesbians first come out as bi because they're not ready to come fully out of the closet yet.

Needless to say, I no longer identify as bi, I identify as 100% gay, I love men and have zero interest in women, I could only ever see myself in a sexual and romantic relationship with a sexy man with a big dick to plug my hole with....

However since accepting my gayness, I have noted at times the general biphobia of LGBT culture seep into my way of thinking. Sometimes when I'm on an online dating app, and someone messages me, and I see he is "Bisexual", I'm hesitant to respond. Why? Mainly because I worry that we won't be able to relate to each other with the same experiences, it's almost like "oh he's a straight guy, he's probably been with women and experienced heteronormativity, how could he relate to someone as so unbelievably gay as me? :newcolor:

But I quickly dash those thoughts when I think about things rationally. If a bisexual guy wanted to date a woman and enjoy the privileges of heteronormativity, he has has that option, and maybe that's the easy option that he wants to take. But if a bisexual guy is messaging me on a dating app, then obviously that means he actually is interested in dating men (and interested in dating me), that means he isn't afraid of abandoning heteronormativity to go out with and maybe even fall in love with someone of the same sex.

And so of course I have always responded and gone out with any cute nice guys who have messaged me even if they are bisexual. Nothing has come out of any of those relationships (for other reasons), but I still had a good time and enjoyed those experiences, and actually felt cool being able to connect as a gay guy and a bi guy going out together.

I wish gays and bis could get along better. Though actually I think it can be easier for a bi guy to find a gay guy to go out with him than a woman, the views straight woman have of bisexual guys are even worse, and that's a shame, few straight girls are open-minded enough it seems to entertain the idea of going out with a man who likes to take it up the ass and have a boyfriend who might be more feminine then they are. (This includes even girls who consider themselves LGBT-friendly allies). So bi people have some work cut out for them, theoretically they should have double the options of monosexuals, but in actuality it can be even harder for them to find a date than gay/straight people.

So biphobia is just not acceptable, it's something we should really try to avoid encouraging within our community and within greater society as a whole.

(And on another note, yes, I like to have fun and joke about the whole being "Gold Star Gays" who have never ever touched a vagina and all that- but not being a Gold Star Gay is absolutely not a serious reason why I would refuse to go out with someone.)

 

So, since I have touched a vigina but now go exclusively for men, does that mean I've gone platinum? :icon_wink

I have to disagree that coming out as bi is easier. I truly wish I could say that I was gay, because when I tell people I'm bi, I'm usually met with a very dismissive attitude (from both sides of the fence) and people often don't believe me.

The fact still remains that if you are bi and monogamous others will assume your sexuality is based off of your partner's gender, so it doesn't surprise me that so many people throw up their arms and say "fuck it" and pick a side (I know this, specifically hasn't been brought up by anyone, but it's a suspicion I've had about many people for some time).

 

Haha nah, you lose your gold star/platinum card the moment you experience sexual activity with a vagina. But it's just a joke amongst us gold star gay types among ourselves about how queer we are, nothing against bisexual or gay men who might have experimented in the past.

On the flip side though, you have experiences we have never had, and most of normal heterosexual society will think you are much cooler and more normal while thinking of us gold stars as freaks for never having been with a girl.

Well I agree there are problems with coming out as bi, with people being dismissive about it.

But in my experience, and in what seems to be the overall experience of most people, coming out as bi is easier. It makes it easier for other people to accept, since the option that you still will live a heteronormative life remains open in the minds of any parents or people you come out to. It also still gives you some ability to connect to straight people and be able to talk about girls and be 'one of the guys' and all that. When you come out as gay, you are basically closing the door forever on ever experiencing a heteronormative life.

That is why so many gay and lesbian people have found it easier to initially come out as bisexual, and only after being out as bi for a while will they finally feel comfortable coming out as fully gay or lesbian. For me it was just so much easier to say "I'm bisexual" than it is to say "I'm gay", even today. Again, it's that total closing of the door to a 'normal' life that really can scare me and make me feel like a total freak to say I'm gay, whereas with bi I'm just saying there's another side to the 'normal' me.

Of course part of the reason why it is easier to come out as bi, is the problems you describe for actual bisexual people coming out, in that you are less likely to be taken seriously, people may think you are confused or it is a phase, and expect you will still end up in an normal opposite-sex relationship with children.

Well that's true, if you are in a committed long-term monogamous relationship with someone, people will start to assume you are gay or straight based on the sex of your partner. It's up to you as an individual I guess to decide how important it is to assert your bisexuality in that sort of situation. I guess the only way it would really be relevant in practice is when taking about how cute you find a certain girl/guy to be. For example, a bi guy could talk with his female wife about the cute guys they see at the beach. :lol:

 

This kind of thing gets me angrier than a lot of other issues. To be clear I am not faulting people who genuinely believe that they are bi and later appropriate another label because people should be free to label their own sexuality in a manner that best describes them at that particular moment. I am talking about those who KNOW that they are gay/lesbian and use bi as a waystation. I think that this kind of thing is endemic to the whole biphobia problem, because those people go on to be the most vocal about coming out as bisexual being the "cowards way out" (which, yes I have heard).

As for having a way into the "normal" life, as you stated: once a person comes out as anything but straight, they've closed that door forever. Yes, I can talk with straight guys about hot girls, but they often think that I'm putting on a show to make them more comfortable around me. And talking to straight women, well, they are way more ruthless than a straight guy can ever be. When you come out and truly accept yourself as bisexual, you give up the ability to ever be able to fully connect to a monosexual person of any orientation again.

 

I'm pretty much like a Bisexual , and all I can say is dam right we're greedy. Better to have something than nothing. ;3

But about the cheating part , it's just weird. o.0 It's just like saying straight people don't cheat , which they do. -______-"

People can have their opinions though , as long as we know what we want/are then they can just keep on talking. .-.

 

OMG SERIOUSLY!!!

I wish I could find the article, but bisexual people deal with the SAME issues we do., only they are even more confused as a child because they don't understand why they like girls and boys.

There was an article that stated hey are depresses, anxious and they DONT HAVE A COMMUNITY because we shame them. How can we shame our own? Do they not have the confusionof liking hte same sex too. Do they not find the same sex attractive?

My bisexual friend is engaged to a man, but she is going to find women attractive for the rest of her life. She is just not going to act on it.
Its not an act to please men. She isnt a whore who sleeps around. She is a bisexual woman who found the most feminine looking straight man I have ever seen to marry. ( swear this dude is pretty)
But I digress. They have less support than even we do, because they dont have us, the LGT community to back them up. Why are we discriminating basedo n who they love, then we are the ones who created the statement love is love. and love has no gender?

 

As a Bisexual male I obviously find it to be severely frustrating and isolating. Most people I've met don't seem to have this bias, but there are a few who do and it's infuriating. How can you be pro LGBT, but then be all down on Bi people?