Can somebody explain the reasoning behind this type of response?

Yes, not all but most.

In my experience, guys like to hookup, and maintain an image that it's not all they're interested in.

Sad, but true. :/

 

Well, that's pretty much my last experience, and maybe it's just my small sample and selection bias, but I feel like there's something to it. I mean, we're talking about people who are using the internet to maximize their probability of having sex, rather than engaging in courtship the old-fashioned way like my best friend, who is currently in a stable relationship with his girlfriend of two and a half years.

 

Profiles are often written with the intent of establishing a certain persona. It's a bad idea to ever feel a connection to someone based on a profile; remember it was not addressed to you. Perhaps he wrote it at a time when he wasn't in the state of heat he was that night.

It's no substitute for actual conversation. People who are in a rush to meet without exchanging words are not going to be LTR material.

It can also be dangerous to go rushing out to meet people you meet on the internet after one message, without establishing any sense of who they are.

---------- Post added 4th Feb 2013 at 02:53 AM ----------

Yeah very few guys will ever openly state that all they're interested in is one-night-stand hookups. Read between the lines.

 

Aside: Go Bruins.

More relevant: Yeah, shucks. But I think it's fine if you just message him now. It goes along with the idea of being direct. If I wanted to say something, I wouldn't wait a week to do it. And I don't think his answer would change whether you ask now or a week later.

 

This x100

People write their profile ones and then that's pretty much it. If in that particular night he just wanted sex, then he isn't going to change his whole profile for that one night.

Clues that its just about sex:
- going over to his place. I don't care if its for a movie or anything else, if that is your first date then you are going to get physical.

- not starting a conversation before inviting you over. Not to mention its beyond dangerous to do that sort of stuff.

- having sex on the first date. There are very few exceptions, but if you have sex the first day you guys meet then its just a hook up.

- If he doesn't reply to you, then he wants to ignore you. Its not about you, its not because of anything that you did, its because he just wanted a one night thing. Don't take it personal else you will drive yourself crazy


And if you know you get attached easily, try to not sleep with people on the first date. It will mess with your head.

 

He'll probably be back in touch as soon as he feels the same way again. Just don't let him take advantage of you, unless you enjoy it. Don't expect anything more I guess.

 

Aah, but... this might very well be what a lot of people on these hookup sites honestly tell themselves too. If there is one thing you should never underestimate, it's how invested people are in their own image, and will conceive of any excuse to keep it going.
So he might honestly be thinking:
"Oh, I'm totally not the hookup guy. I only go for friendships. But hey! sometimes sweaty hotness just happens, and in that case, what's a guy gonna do about it?"

Followed, the next morning by: "oh noes! I barely knew this guy and yet we totally ended up getting hot and sweaty. He must have been angling for this all along! I'm not that kind of guy, so I'd best ignore this one, and keep looking out for friendships and relationships! Forreals this time!"


Kind of similar to what a lot of guys do when in the closet! "I'm not gay! Me looking at gay porn just now was totally an accident! And really the last time, ever!".


Not saying that it's that way for this guy, of course. And I don't really think theorising about his motives changes my conclusion: either he was conscious, or he was deluding himself, but I'm pretty sure he was intending for this to be a hookup. He was probably totally sincere about the "oh, you're so hot's" during, but he's probably not interested in putting in the work to move any further. You sent him a friendly message, which is good, but don't lose sleep over it if he decided to move on.

 

I lived in Seattle for many years. I had pretty much the same luck as you while living there. Maybe you texted him too soon, or maybe the sky wasn't blue enough--who knows. I do know you have to be careful who you let into your pants because Seattle is full of casual gay sex (not passing judgment on those who do such things). If you're looking for something more serious, it might be worth looking at actual dating websites as opposed to "dating" apps.

 

Oh, please. This is a tad ridiculous.

Yes, there are some fucked up people that do stuff like that, but to say that every single person who has hook-ups is unable to have a long-term healthy relationship is a huge generalization.

If someone wants to have a good time and a hook-up, then that's fine. The other person didn't lead you on or ever talked to you about making this a long-term thing. Did you guys talk about what this meant? Did he ever lie to you about his intentions with you? Did you ever voice your own intentions for this encounter? My guess is that you didn't and that you simply met this kid, had fun, and then had sex. To say that it was the other kids fault or that he tricked you would be cheating yourself out of a learning opportunity.

Next time, communicate with the guy. Take things slowly if you are looking for a long-term relationship, and learn to read cues that people send you. Each place has its own rules of engagement, and that applies to apps and dating sites.

 

What about online dating websites, as opposed to apps?

As I said, I'm on this free dating website (you might have heard of it, it seems quite popular these days, I can PM the name if you want), a lot of guys willing to chat and respond. This particular site not only lets people make a full profile but also has lots of questions to answer and see how you match up with others. It takes more time and effort to participate, and that weeds out a lot of the guys looking for a quick hookup.

People have messaged me months ago and we're still chatting and getting to know each other. We communicate with full paragraphs rather than just saying "sup" like on the apps, it's much more fulfilling.

And anyone whose first message is a rush to meet-up gets ignored.

You're never going to really get anything other than a hookup from a hookup app.

 

See, I would totally agree with you if this same scenario would have happened in a different social setting, but it didn't.

I can't know for sure, and this is all based on the posts so far, but from the sounds of it the person in question was pretty damn forward about his intentions. He was in a app that is mainly used for hook-ups, his first sentence was "want to come over ", and there were other varioius signs that point to him trying to get physical fast.

This wasn't a guy who tried to play the OP or lied to him about his intentions. It was some guy who sucks at making sure people are on the same page, but who followed other unwritten rules based on the app they are talking through and the nature of the scenario.

I don't mean to derail the thread, but I just think its important because since it wasn't just some asshole trying to play you, if you learn to learn the cues and learn to communicate more directly, then you can easily avoid situations like these in the future, which you will encounter again if you keep using dating sites.