i'm disappointed with how bad survival instinct is compared to twd. i think i'm gonna return it. anyway, bioshock infinite is so good. i think i might actually give it the best game of '13 yet. @__@
Aprils fools wasn't that bad... Still alive. Although, now I finally understand I can NEVER have gay guys as friends it never freaking works out. The moment I don't want their penis, the whole friendship is over. like WHAT THE HELL? Gay guys can only be lovers and I understand that now.
So, TK and I might be having a lunch sometime this week or next week. I feel terrible. I told BB about it...and he's not upset. He's just concerned that it's not healthy, and it's not. He says he has no feelings about it either way and I know that's true. But, whatever. He says it's up to me. I never learn my lessons anyway, might as well do what I feel like and be happy for a time, at least. And the amount of time I put into this Introduction to Computers class is obscene considering how totally idiotic the content and homework is. I just spent nearly two hours creating four powerpoint slides from step-by-step instructions from a book I had to pay nearly $200 for. This is by far my most hated class, ever. I'd rather take statistics for a third time than take this class. Thank God the semester is almost over. I'm going to burn this book when I get a chance.
It's been 7 days since the last time I self-harmed...and I'm crawling out of my skin right now trying not to. This is SO HARD to stop...
Of course I spent the whole time I saved by skipping out on Anime Night chatting on Facebook and otherwise not cleaning, like I intended. I might as well have gone.
(*hug*) That’s seven days of incredible strength. I know a cutter who is amazingly strong but she can’t go that long without cutting.
I sort of know. I know there's lots of pain, and things all crash together until cuts release the toxic pain inside, and that the pain can feel physical. It's sad when coping mechanisms fail us. I wish I was able to help. (*hug*) ---- :bang: I am chickening out. I was hand chosen for this job, and I’m too chicken to do it!
So it's 20 minutes after midnight. I wasn't born until after 2 in the morning, but hey...what I'm basically trying to say here is that I'm no longer 24. More like...57 or something. Happy Birthday to me. I'll be spending it doing errands and chores, I'm sure.
It looks like my computer is being taken from me. I guess the zookeepers don't trust me with it. Goodbye! I'll be back someday!
Well today was both pretty good and very much akward. This passing weekend I cut myself in a lapse of judgement due to this overwhelming urge to scream and shout(say and let it all out if you dare :tantrum. Now fast forward to today. I wake up(not really since I didn't go to sleep) and I look in my mirror and go on this rant about how I have no idea who I am anymore, i'm doing something that I swore I would never do, how i'm becoming lost in my own head and how my nieces and nephews, once my everything, have now become worn-out faces. So after this I make breakfast and contemplate on getting out of the house though I have that "negative nancy" voice in my head screaming "Just watch t.v and let it be done." Not too long after I finish my breakfast, my bff calls me up telling me that if I can get to her job, a super-store, I got a job. No bull, just the usual process. So I "soniced" my ass up and out. Got to the place, loved the environment, loved the boss and saw potential in the job itself. Overall, it was a good experience but now i'm worried because it's like though I can do this job well, i'm afraid that this "thing" inside me is going to keep pulling me into it's madness so now i'll forever be worried that someone might happen to see or if I were to injure myself in anyway and they ask me to reveal my arm or leg, that would be a hell of situation. Honestly, most of me doesn't really care much since i'm not embarassed by them. I did tell my best friend to which she lamented understandably. Gosh, I need to find a therapist asap because I can't deal with me anymore. :rolle:
No. Not now. I just spent the night feeling good and now it's going to be taken away from me. Guys, don't do this to me and Andy, okay? You're like my family and I can't afford to lose you now. Please stop fighting.
