What Are You Thinking?

Aw fail...

 

Just emailed the queer students community centre organizer to volunteer! eep!

 

can't believe how right kissing him felt

 

I really, really want at least one of my Psypets to have babies, but a Fertility Draught is so expensive, and building a relationship takes so long (not to mention it's not even a guarantee).

 

just took a two hour nap, feel a little better now....trying to eat this leftover mac n cheese but it's too rich (from panera on friday when i closed) they gave me the leftovers of mac n cheese and all the bread from the line. they know how to help someone in need out, but i just am not the biggest fan of their mac n cheese....their chicken noodle soup however...mmmmmmm i wish they handed out leftovers of that when they closed...i would take it all.....dammit now i want more cns

 

It is insanely hot.

 

Ok I think he just said that stuff to ditch me. Should have known that someone like him would find someone tons better. They could at least tell me I'm a waste of time.

 

I apologize in advance for the following:

DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH CIRCUS DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH AFRO CIRCUS AFRO CIRUS AFRO POLKA DOT POLKA DOT POLKA DOT AFRO!

 

High School Musical was just on! Ahhh I missed all of it except 2 songs. I was listening to my HSM 2 cd just yesterday.

 

I just discovered a few episodes of this show called Shrink Rap on YouTube the other day, and I'm hooked! This lady interviews celebrities (mostly comics, but a few other folks I love like Sharon Osbourne and Carrie Fisher) and tries to get inside their heads. It's been very enlightening. And seeing as how I often act as my own therapist, as well as aiding some acquaintances with their mental burdens, I've gained some freaking amazing insight on matters of the mind.

Of course I've also uncovered how a therapist can make you feel so messed up by simply having you talk about your childhood. Perhaps I'm just messed up because I've been reflecting back on my own issues with an adult perspective...

This shit is deep! And I've just realized how I don't remember the commutative property of the theoretical probability of motion or whatever nonsense that was, but I can remember everything I learn on television. xD

 

Computers are stupid. I have Ubuntu loop-mounted on my laptop (no, I don't have any idea what that means or even if that's the right terminology). Every time I log into the Ubuntu part and then return to the Windows part, the clock is two hours behind. What the heck, computer? Not a big problem, but still annoying...

 

I can't stop thinking about that gorgeous Ragdoll (I think) cat from a few days ago. I honestly considered taking her home, even though she was someone else's pet, because I fell massively in love with her downy-soft fur, her enchanting blue eyes, and her laid-back personality. It's safe to say that I'm now completely sold on Ragdolls and definitely will consider obtaining one in the future, allergies be damned.

 

how do I know I'm a great person though? I could be the worst person in the world and people could still lie and smile and say I'm good. I'm not 100% sure he really did ditch me, but I wouldn't blame him if he did.

 

I found out that I have the money to go to school now!! My mother's friend loaned me some because I could not get a summer job due to injuries from the car wreck.

Yay!!

 

Kind of wish either women were sexualized less in advertising . . . . or that men were more so (Haha.)

 

Dang it, I keep catching myself daydreaming about snuggling with my best friend when I get back to school even though I'm 99.9% sure he's straight :dry:.

 

sometimes I feel like I don't belong in the gay rights movement because I'm single...I mean people are going out there to support the right to love, how can I do that when I'm not loved/loving anybody? But that's selfish of me, because other people deserve the right to be happy

 

Dear fucking everyone on this God damn planet that I am forced to associate with (not directed to anyone on this website):

THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH. Thank you DAD for abandoning me, leaving me in the FUCKING HELL OF A HOUSE I LIVE IN. Thank you MOM for forcing me to stay. Thank you PIG for adding the fire and brimstone to my life. Thank you THERAPIST for ALWAYS FUCKING CANCELLING ON ME. Thank you FRIENDS for never seeing me and rarely even bothering to FUCKING SEND A TEXT. Thank you ME, for being such a loser that NO ONE WANTS TO BOTHER WITH YOU. Thank you TEACHERS, for NOT HELPING ME THE ONE TIME I ASKED and really needed it.

Back to my OH SO SUPPORTIVE MOTHER AND PIG, fucking THANKS for grounding me for being suicidal! THAT SO FUCKING HELPED. Now I know not to TELL you when I'm suicidal.

I'LL JUST FUCKING OFF MYSELF. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? Is it? Is that why you ground me when I try to ask for help? Would you rather find me dead?! Well fuck you, I WON'T kill myself just piss you off!

Oh PIG, you fucking bastard. Yeah, I was standing outside with my GIRLFRIEND. I'm GAY, and even if I could choose to be straight, I'd STILL be gay JUST because it would save me the trouble of being in a relationship with a disgusting man like you. AND TO PISS YOU OFF. Because fuck you. I hope you go to fucking heaven because I'm gonna BURN IN HELL for thinking the shit I'm currently thinking, and I don't want to see your face down there.

And most of all, thank you DATA Bus, for once again proving that I am a waste of space and it's okay to fucking cancel on me ALL THE GOD DAMN TIME.

So yeah, my own little World, I feel abandoned, lonely as fuck, constantly paranoid and like utter shit. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT.

Love,

Someone who is on the brink of losing their fucking mind.... aaaaaaaaand it's gone!