What Are You Thinking?

It's not. I won't say I completely dislike my hometown; I just have very ambiguous feelings toward it, whereas I completely love my school and the city it's in.

And to the people who say it doesn't matter where you go to school as long as it's accredited, my experience is proving to be quite the opposite so far. Different universities have different levels of rigor, and they almost always deserve the rankings they get, plain and simple.

 

My hometown is not the greatest place. I'm happy to see my family and friends, but not the town.

It really does matter where you go to school. I know some places where different programs require you to take classes in the summer. In my major, I don't have to take summer classes. I would have liked to take some this summer, but I could not get the financial aid to work out.

 

Alone in the house again tonight- so I can give me a little relaxation time!

Which for me means a shower (I really need one today), possible nail painting, followed by me dancing around in my undies and a big shirt.

Relaxing!

 

I literally almost passed out in the records room today. I feel like death. I was filing stuff on a bottom drawer and when I went to stand up I got really faint and dizzy out of nowhere. Was kinda scary, but that's how exhausted I am these days. Cannot even tell you how happy I am that tomorrow is Friday. Love (and company) are mad at me because I didn't want to go out for Thirsty Thursdays tonight...but they'll get over it.

 

I have to do a MRI this weekend, I absolutely hate doing those. All it does is remind me that I am sick, and there is nothing that will change that.

 

High school graduation was today (I'm a freshman)...but I'm going to miss the seniors

 

How the fuck did I only just discover Queer as Folk (UK). It's brilliant!

 

University life feels kind of... boring... x_x

 

I think I'm starting to like a guy from my class... but he's as straight as a line. I wish straight crushes wouldn't exist.

 

I definitely second this.

They're the worst.

 

Yuck I don't want to go to work. I've been working 50-60 hour weeks for weeks now. I'm tired and this week has sucked. Think I'll putt around the house a little while longer before I drive in.

 

High school is over forever!!!
Just two more exams and I'm free

 

Sometimes, all you need is a picture to show your thoughts:



(yes, there are still engines, albeit less effective than when the ship was mostly on the surface)

And this is from a right-wing magazine!

 

Oh man. I feel like a normal person today. I've been feeling really normal for a few days now and I didn't notice it right away, but holy shit. I did it.

I made the transition from school to summer gracefully for the first time in my life. I kept my cool. I've had a lot of things to plan and execute and I've been working a bunch, but I've kept it all together and just been...normal.

My anxiety level is way down. WAY down.

I'm seriously crying right now because I did it. I learned how to hold myself together and feel okay. I never ever ever thought I would get here. I thought I was doomed. Bipolar disorder does not rule my life entirely anymore. I have a measure of control that I fought for.

 

I'm stuck in this "need a job to get experience, need experience to get a job" cycle, and it's driving my dad, my mom, and myself, insane. With my dad visiting now, I'm constantly in a state of anxiety. The tension between us is often palpable, because my lack of a job is the bottleneck that's preventing a LOT of things from being set into motion (e.g. the life I want to lead, my parents' peace of mind).

I also have this feeling that my dad doesn't want me to live in this city, period. He seems to think that it's just too small, and he's of the opinion that I'm more suited for urban life. Problem is, I'm attached to this place, and my friends here are determined for me to stay here.

I'm still not even 100% clear on what I like, and that includes WHO I like (and how).

I just don't know what to do.

 

one door closes. the other one opens. not the closet door though. i'm mad but not that mad. the way things are looking, i'm looking towards law school. i'm money hungry and i want a lot of it. i don't care about material things but i care about being able to pay my bills, take care of my family, handling my responsibilities and not living check by check. i don't plan on working all my life into my 50s or wasting my college degree.

 

..I don't know what I am going to do once I graduate...My parents want me to go to college, but I want to hopefully enlist in the Military....I am soo lost here...

 

I was so determined to get one of the other interns at work to laugh today, I just wanted to break her in, you know. I'm talking about Ms. "Cream of Wheat" right now. I was trying so hard. I told her all of my wildest, craziest, zaniest stories and she didn't even blink an eye. So I pulled up Kathy Griffin's comedy specials for us to listen to while we filed, and nothing. Not even a giggle from her. She did not smile one single time today and I was stuck with her for 8 hours. I asked her what her favorite band/song/genre of music was and she said she doesn't like music. This girl is like some kind of cyborg or something...

 

Fuck working out.

All my shorts and shirts are so tight