YOU'RE ALL BEAUTIFUL/HANDSOME. :] Why is that so hard to believe?

I know for me, I have incredibly low self esteem. Any compliment I get, I just can't truly accept it. Even from those closest to me, I can hear the compliment, but I don't take it to heart. I know I have talents, and some have told me I'm physically attractive, but I just don't buy it. I guess my answer to your question is that the human psyche is a really powerful thing. I grew up belittling myself and only now am I trying to remedy that. It's entirely possible your girlfriend grew up with a similar experience and is still dealing with the echoes from her past.

 

I have to say that just reading the title to this thread made me feel warm and fuzzy inside! Thank you!

My best friend in the world is beautiful to me even though she believes she is ugly or below average. She is NOT. But when you get to know people, the beauty of who they are just shines through and makes them look even better on the outside as well. There are so many qualities that people have that are so amazing... a genuine, caring person is 1000 times more beautiful than some physically sexy jerk.

 

There is an amazing song you HAVE to listen to. Annie from Safety Suit. It is about a girl who doesn't believe that she is beautiful, despite what she is told.

 

Since you call her a "boi," I just want to mention that girls with more masculine gender presentation are rather constantly inundated with cultural messages that they are undesirable. I try not to think about it too much, because it makes me want to break things.

But that's probably a lot of the reason she feels that way: that's how most people treat her, most of the time.

Keep telling her. But also, try to be really specific about what you like.

(If she's shown any particular discomfort with any of her girl parts, you should probably not mention them, though. I mean, you can tell her you like them, but don't go on and on about it, or expect that it will improve her self-image. And definitely don't talk about them in a way that invalidates her masculinity.)

You might also want to ask her if the word "beautiful" is too girly for her and makes her uncomfortable for that reason. I personally think that people of any gender can be beautiful, but she might be very sensitive to "beauty" being traditionally associated with femininity. And, I notice you put handsome in the title there, the implication being that you don't think beautiful would cover everyone.

 

I know I don't believe it. Even though some people tell me I'm beautiful, sometimes. It's because I don't look how I want to look. [I don't even really know how that does look ... just that I am not it.] And when people complement me I feel like they're either just being nice, which is awkward, or they're telling the truth ... but I can't really believe the second one.

Repeating it should help. She'll believe it eventually.

 

I think I am rowing in this boat. I grew up with people making fun of me for how I looked, and later on getting ignored. While I have overcome many of these self esteem issues, there are many times that I don't believe people when they compliment me because I don't feel what they are telling me. Like last night, one of my friends said I had a cute butt. That may or may not be true, but I don't think I do. My butt always feels fat and saggy to me. Or for instance, most people tell me I look kind of thin, but I don't feel thin because I am not comfortable with the way my weight feels on me. This is very inward looking. I am really conscious about the way I feel my weight rather than other people's perceptions. I think I have enough confidence to be comfortable and not worry what other people think negatively, but I don't really have enough confidence to accept what other people say positively. that is to say, I can accept that I am not butt-ugly, but not always that I am handsome.

Talk to your GF about this. Also, behonest about what you like. If she complains about her butt, tell her you think it is the best butt in the world. And she disagrees ask her why.

 

Because I'm not beautiful.

 

I hate it when anyone pays me any form of compliment, I just know that they're not true!