Corrupt A Wish

Granted! But the coke is... diet!

I wish I had time to read the stack of books that's piling up on my desk.

 

Granted you now have time to read all those books, you are in prison!

I wish the days weren't getting shorter again...

 

Granted, they're getting longer, and they will continue to get longer because the earth is slowly starting to reverse its rotation. It will take about 10 years or so for the "day" to be an entire orbital period, and then it will take anoth 10 years or so for the day to get back to normal, it will be like that for about 150-160 years, and then the whole thing will start all over again.

I wish I was more devious

 

Granted, you are so devious that you end up fooling yourself into thinking you are actually not from Albuquerque.

Wish it wasn't so hot...

 

Granted, you're stuck in an frozen vault for eons until a team of archaeologists discover your frozen and preserved body.

I wish EC would have more members, including me, in the future.

 

Granted. Now there's as many members as YouTube, which means lots of bigoted rants and annoying trolls.

I wish my cats didn't get so scared of the fireworks.

 

Granted, but they get scared of the can opener, and as a result starve.

I wish I had more YouTube subscribers. (I only have 8) :.(

 

Granted, you have more subscribers who do nothing more but thumbs down your videos.

I wish the programs I like would never be canceled.

 

Granted, but the shows stagnate because the writers ran out of ideas.

I wish that I had become a fan of Supernatural earlier than I did.

 

Granted, but it had only lasted one season.

I wish I lived near a frozen yoghurt store

 

Granted, but the store has closed down.

I wish I was the happiest person in the world.

 

Granted. You have nothing left to live for, and you die.

I wish I had infinite wishes

 

Granted; you know have a horde of witches that are constantly unmaking your life miserable.

I wish I had slept in...

 

Granted, you're in a coma

I wish the corrupter of this wish will not have their wish corrupted

 

Granted, I guess.....?

I wish I could control the flow of time around me,

 

Granted, you were able to control time once, and then time became warped and unparalleled like click but without a happy ending.

I wish I didn't buy this awful tasting hedgehog.

 

You didn't buy it...but a kindly aunt bought one for you and so you feel morally obliged to eat it anyway.

I wish food contained fewer calories, so I could eat more

 

Granted, food contains fewer calories at the expense of its flavour and everything you eat for the rest of your life tastes like oatmeal.

I wish I could make myself invisible!

 

Granted, you have to give me the power

I wish I could start a revolution

 

Granted, your revolutionaries turn against you.

I wish I had a pet shark