Corrupt A Wish

Granted but you'll have nothing to do all night.

I wish minions didn't exist.

 

Granted, but everyone is sad because of it, including you.

I wish I didn't have any homework to do.

 

Granted, but you'll have to attend night classes as a substitute.

I wish I could get peace and silence to write.

 

Granted, but writer's block hits you so bad, you can't write another word.

I wish I looked more androgynous.

 

Granted, but everyone you meet or pass by will ask you if you're a boy or a girl.

I wish I could juggle.

 

Granted! But only chainsaws, and not without a few mishaps.

I wish I could type.

 

Granted but only while using an old typewriter

I wish I could read really quickly and understand what I'm reading, too.

 

Granted, but when people speak, you will not be able to understand what they are saying.


I wish I could throw dildos onto powerlines like that dude in Portland

 

Granted, but the dildos will be bombs in disguise and you'll end up in the hospital seriously injured and with hearing problems.

I wish I could swim like a fish.

 

Granted, but you can't breathe air and you have to stay underwater for the rest of your life.

I wish my red velvet cake actually came out red.

 

Granted, but it is filled with blood.

I wish I could delete all minions.

 

(Are you that against Minions? ) Granted, but everyone else makes speaks minion.

I wish I could get some escape.

 

Granted, but when you escape, you'll end up in a huge cage with no escape.

I wish I could freestyle (rap)

 

Granted, but when you learn to freestyle you will have stage fright and nobody will ever see you being able to do it,

I wish I had a copy of Uncharted 4, even though its not out yet.

 

Granted, but the copy crashes as soon as you start playing it, and it cannot be fixed.

I wish I had a rainbow morph suit

 

Granted, but it doesn't fit.

I wish I could tapdance.

 

Granted, but you can never remove anything from it's place because the room doesn't want to risk being untidy again

I wish there was a magic book with all the answers for the questions you write down

 

Granted, but no one knows where it is, and if someone were to find it, it is locked and the key is not on Earth.

I wish I knew everything.

 

Granted, but you'll know a lot of things you'd rather not know.

I wish I could turn into different animals like Beast Boy from Teen Titans.