Corrupt A Wish

Granted, but it's easier to gain it back.

I wish that mangoes didn't have the gross outer skin

 

Granted, now all the bugs and birds eat them before they can get picked by humans.




I wish strawberries tasted as good as they look.

 

Granted each bite is the ambrosia known as strawberries Romanov; sadly, shortly after your first bowl, you meet the same fate as the last tsar and his family.

I wish I had a charming little cottage in Bermuda.

 

Granted, and it just got over run by 2,000 little crabs that set up house.



I wish where I worked would burn down

 

Granted! But the version they rebuild consists of used FEMA trailers, and is much more cramped and has no AC.

I wish somebody would cook me dinner.

 

Wish granted, but you'll start ageing backwards and become a foetus again.

I wish for a digital tablet.

 

Granted, but it is merely a digital image of a tablet.

I wish I could touch the moon.

 

Granted, but because of the moldy, cheesy texture of the moon (it is made out of cheese after all), you're stuck on it for all eternity.

I wish I could take a little nap--catch up on sleep.

 

Granted, but you are so deep in sleep you are thought dead, and wake up in a coffin, 6 feet under ground.



I wish I was purrfect.

 

Granted, but your purrfection is only noticed by dogs.

I wish everyone had a soul. (!)

 

Granted, but everyone's souls are disconnected from their body and they float around creepily.

I wish I could have a dog in my apartment

 

Okay you have a rabid dog in your apartment

I wish I would get straight A's in my GCSE's

 

Granted, but you cheat and get caught.

I wish I was better at social

 

Granted, but now every time you speak to people you drool and snot comes out of your nose and you wet yourself involuntarily.

I wish my family was less annoying but still with me and nice to me.

 

Granted, now they are so nice, they are sickening about it.......this creeps you out and you try to run, but they show up where ever you go, every day.......for the rest of your life.




I wish my health was purrfect.

 

Your physical health is perfect but your mental health is awful, you have a breakdown and are sent to a mental institution

I wish I could win the lottery

 

People who win the lottery are more prone to becoming depressed and committing suicide.

I wish I could get some inspiration for my work

 

Gandalf the Bunny took a poop on your front doorstep..........you now have your inspiration.




I wish I had the money to hire a super hacker to do my bidding.

 

Granted, but he blackmails you with dirty info he hacked from you in the end

I wish that I could sleep in

 

You sleep but never wake up

I wish I had food to eat right now