So, I went on a date recently. It went well and lasted about four and half hours. Not much of schedule, mainly just winging it. When I got back I sent a 'hope you got home safe' message. I know one of my friends said I should immediately schedule a second date, but I was tired and I had an interview to prepare for (busy week!) However, another friend said I did the right thing and that I shouldn't be too pushy. Neither my date or I have any relationship experience. We talked about this a bit and we discussed subjects such as out status. She's out but some of her family is in denial about such topics despite her efforts. However, she lives independently and doesn't care about their opinions. I'm working on moving out to my own place and finding that independence, but I'm not quite there yet myself. My family are accepting. Anyway, my question is - when do I ask about a second date? I don't want to be pushy but I don't want to seem uninterested. I know there's no absolute rule but uh, help? Please? Thank you.
If you're interested, ask now. If she's interested, she won't see it as pushy [assuming you don't keep asking again and again for a second date lol]. Can't say the wrong thing to the right person
I’ll agree with previous replies - ask ASAP. You won’t come off as pushy if you ask in a polite manner and respect her response, whatever it might be. Best of luck to you!
You're the same age as me then. I say go for it, you don't get anywhere by not asking. Although I do think the older you get, the harder it is to approach other people. The thought of being rejected or what other people might think was a lot less of a consideration for me when I was at uni compared to now. I got turned down more times than I can care to remember, mostly straight girls who had maybe suggested they were 'curious' and turns out, they weren't
Was thinking about this post last night so I’ve come back to add some more. I think something to bear in mind, and I hate to say this as it sounds so old fashioned, but most women don’t find it comfortable to ‘be the pursuer’ when it comes to a potentially sexual relationship. In my experience women generally prefer being pursued and generally the most they’ll do is make it obvious that they’re available but they still want someone else to push things forward. So don’t worry too much about coming off as pushy. We like to be pursued, but that doesn’t make it easy if it’s two women. I’ve had to “be the man” with most women I’ve been with, only a few times have I been the one that’s been pursued. This is just something to think about, especially if you have no previous relationship experience. I am sure this is common knowledge for straight men, but nobody ever advises women how to handle another woman.
Not yet. We're both quite busy at the moment, but have plans to go on the 7th. We still talk in the evenings though.
It did not go well. I suppose I don't know what to make of it. I get the impression that she's not that interested. The first time I was vague and didn't say it was a date because I didn't want to assume. Whereas, the second time I called it a date when I asked. Neither of us has experience. We both talked about boundaries we would have in potential relationships. However, there was no flirting. Not a lot of physical contact. No signs of disinterest, but no signs of interest. I kept trying to find the courage to ask small things such as holding hands. But I never did. I'm just not feeling that connection. It's... Yeah. I'm not great at expressing my emotions.
This is a hard one. On the one hand, it might be that there’s lack of interest… On the other hand, right now she might be having the exact same thoughts as you. Would you try a third time?
Honestly, I'm not sure. She's still trying to make small talk, so I guess we're cool. We're on friendly terms at least, but figuring out if it's more than that is going to take some doing. Where I go from here is definitely a question.
I think keeping up the 'small talk' will help in finding common ground on which you can expand the conversation. As you continue to get know her, you will gain the insights that you need to determine, is something there to keep it going. Sometimes, it's good to let things take their own course, without expectations, rather than trying to have an immediate result or going into a date with expectations.
You say you are both inexperienced so I think it is really hard to say. I agree with @Mirko if you are happy just getting to know each other and chatting then why not carry on with that for now and see where it takes you.
Maybe you need a different environment that helps get the chemistry going. If neither of you are particularly forward then you risk ending up in the friend zone by default. A dark room, loud music and a few drinks might make all the difference. You have to get close to each other then, just to speak, and a bit of alcohol is good for boosting confidence and feeling less awkward. And it is an excuse to wear something sexy that you probably wouldn't wear to a cat cafe.
