Did you always please your (straight) partner in bed?

Yes. Strangely, not being genuinely attracted to women actually made me extremely good at sex with them. I didn't realize it until after coming out, but since I didn't have the natural lust for women that straight guys have (I was shocked to discover that existed the first time I experienced it by sleeping with a guy) I learned how to have sex based entirely on technique and skill instead of natural desires. While straight guys just banged away whichever way felt nice to them, I pretty much studied the ideal way to pleasure a woman from the internet plus trial and error for years, honing the techniques. It was a very mechanical process instead of a natural one. As it turns out, being able to focus entirely on your technique instead of your desires during sex makes you the ideal sex partner. The lasting a long time thing was the same for me too.

Fortunately, it appears the skills are transferable and work well on guys too, although it's much more difficult to stay focused on it when desire clouds your mind.

 

Ex wife & I had a nice sex life but as the years passed I didn’t go out of my way to make it happen. When it did, like the other posters here, I would hump, pump and pant for a long time before climaxing and often had to stop so she could finish me orally, which yielded faster results because it was more compatible with my gay desires than PIV.

With my current bf, I go out of the way for it all the time and have probably had more sex with him in the last 3 months than I did in the last 5 years of my marriage. I can also finish a hell of a lot faster although I’m getting better at making our sessions go longer. Overall it’s far more natural, passionate and vulnerable than it was when I was hiding my gay self behind the shell of a straight man.

Discovering, accepting and living as a gay man has shown me that sex is in fact as amazing as all the cliches say it is, once you start having it in the context of your true desires and true self.

 

Great explanation. I buy it. The process is probably more mechanical for men having sex with men, though. Some don't want the extended foreplay and all that. For women, it's more mental than visual, as it is for men. One guy I knew (bisexual but more into men) told me that gay men have been some of the best lovers women have surprisingly had. I could take that claim or leave it. The confirmed Don Juans of the world probably have those reputations for all the right reasons.

 

Ditto with a woman was never ever as hot and into the whole experience as I am with my BF. Straight sex was humdrum and boring but not so with my BF. In 2 1/2 years with my BF I have more great sex than 20 years of pretending in a straight marriage.

 

I think some of this is about this elusive thing called chemistry.

When my wife and I first we're together the sex was great. But, never as good as what a previous woman and I had.

Now, with my boyfriend the sex is awesome. It gets better every time. But, I can let passion go full on with him. My wife is just too careful and reserved. I also insist that he and I communicate about what works for each of us. Something I wish I had done when sex was new with my wife.

I've also had some VERY lame experiences with men. TBH, no one is good at sex when they are too involved with how THEY feel. The best sex is when each is trying hard to please the other and everything just comes together.

I've become convinced that sex can transcend sexuality sometimes. I know this isn't politically correct and, as a bisexual, I guess I have a different view. But, isn't it a truly wonderful thing to experience intimacy, and make a connection, regardless of the sex of the other person?

 

Post question: Did you always please your (straight) partner in bed?
Answer: No.

 

Did I always please my straight partner in bed? No, most definitely not! I'm bi. As my wife started adding weight, my attraction to her started to fade. Sex became more about getting off and physical satisfaction than it was about truly connecting. Some (my wife) would say that it was shallow of me to let the unkempt body get in the way of sex, but I am definitely a visual person, sexually and cognitively. So then we fell into a death spiral, where I was not attracted to her physical self, which was invalidating and painful for her, so she would soothe herself with food, which would make me less attracted to her, and so on. I have to wonder if maybe we would have had stronger intellectual, emotional and spiritual connections, perhaps the sexual connection would have thrived.

 

When I was having sex with women I usually had to take a performance enhancing pill. I could not stay hard while we were in the act. When I am with a man I have no problem getting and keeping an erection. The desire and the sex is so much hotter and I am able to last longer. I really enjoy when a man is inside of me and want it to last for as long as possible. I have been having sex with men only for the past couple of years and do not have any plans to ever be with a woman again. Oral sex is much more preferable with a man as well. I love watching the guy when I am going down on him and seeing how much he enjoys my skills. Tasting the result of my hard work is also quite enjoyable.

 

Ready2bout, couldn't agree more with your post. At the end of my relationship with my then GF even with performance enhancement I could not get hard enough and frankly didn't want to. The whole thing was grossing me out. Not so with my BF. Sex with him it has been the most erotic sensual, romantic and satisfying experiences of my life. Love him inside me as well, as we are both versatile it doubles the pleasure. We are open to anything that makes us feel good, connected and its all out love for each other. I absolutely love pleasuring him in every way, in return I get what I had always dreamed and fantasized about hot steamy meaningful sex that connects me to him physically and emotionally. Could never physically and would never emotionally be intimate with a woman again. The whole idea of being with woman now seems so foreign and strange to me even after having been involved in a hetero relationship. There is absolutely no comparison in my mind, gay is so much better by far.

 

Yes and no.

I mean...she deeply loves me, so she says that it's always good, even if/when she doesn't climax. And I'm the only gay she's ever gone to bed with.. so she can't compare really.

But sometimes it's hard for me to get or sustain an erection. So what I learned to do is that I'll finger her first, untill she cums. Then I'll penetrate. Usually the penetration doesn't last long.

 

At first it was good, we used to do some kinky stuff that helped out, but I have never felt satisfied with having sex with any woman. For whatever reason I’m like hardwired to be the receptive partner. But it started out good in the beginning and she was my best friend, but after a year sex was very very infrequent. And though neither of us cheated it was no surprise to her when I came out. Sex with men fulfills me in ways I never dreamed possible.

 

Yes! I need a connection on multiple levels - physical, sexual, emotional, spiritual.