I don’t believe straight men and gay men can’t ever truly be friends.

There's absolutely no reason why a gay man cannot be friends with a reasonable, secure and well adjusted straight man. Of course, those adjectives don't apply to all straight men, but they don't apply to all gay men either!

It is true that homophobic bullying takes place in many schools, but the attitudes that we have and hold as kids don't necessarily follow us into adulthood. Most kids move away from petty mindedness and bullying as they mature and experience life in the real world. I'm not excusing nasty behaviour at school because it does wound us and leaves scars, but our adolescence is a time of development and discovery; of trying to understand our place in the world and fitting in. During those years, when huge hormonal changes take place, we don't always make good choices or demonstrate the care and sensitivity that we'll exhibit later in life. Think back to when you was 14 or 15... are you the same person now? I think people can and do move on. So a homophobic bully at school will not necessarily be a homophobic adult.

Fully accept that some straight men buy into all of the stereotypes and harbour narrow minded prejudices about gay men throughout their lives, but that's not universally true, by any means. As gay men, we also need to drop a bit of our in built prejudice towards straight men. If we assume all straight men will be unfriendly or against us in some way, we'll never bring down the barriers or discover the depth of friendship that is possible.

 

I'm so used to casual homophobia I worry that I will end up falling in love with the first straight attractive male to show me any kind of tenderness or empathy (and therefore spoil the friendship.) This alone makes me question if I should I even try and befriend straight men.

 

Wrong.

Saying that gay men and straight men can never truly be friends is basically letting the homophobes win, because you're perpetuating that barrier between gays and straights which a lot of people have fought hard to overcome.

What about straight men who have gay friends and relatives? You think they don't want their loved ones to live in a world where they can be who they are without fear of prejudice? You think they won't stand up to homophobes who try to make life difficult for their gay sons and daughters or brothers and sisters?

Not all straight men are homophobic, and if you're going to shut yourself off from being friends with someone for being straight, then that makes you no better a homophobe.

 

My reaction to this is always a little like when someone says "I don't believe in online banking." You can choose not to participate, but it's real, people do it all the time, you don't get to not believe in it.

 

To me, it's basically excusing a prejudice.

We can't be friends because I'm gay and you're straight.

Let's try that in other situations:

We can't be friends because I'm white and you're black.

We can't be friends because I'm male and you're female.

 

Gay man and a straight man can't be friends because the gay man will fall in love with the straight man or lust after the straight man.

 

Um... the exact same logic would apply to straight men and women being friends, and straight women being friends with gay men.

You really think there are no straight men and women on earth who are friends? and there's literally a stereotype of gay men having all straight female friends so how would that be possible if the girls would be lusting after the gay guy?

 

Well I'm bi/gay and NONE of my male straight friends have disowned me....one or two were suprised as I was married to a woman...but no hate, not even negative comments....though I don't shove my sexuality on them....it's not important to them....

 

This is a touchy subject and I remember saying similar things 6 months ago. Take what I say with a pinch of salt as I don't have any recent friendship experience but I do believe that the right straight guys are out there. It's difficult for me to see it as I live in a place where a lot of guys blend into one and fall under "lad culture", with their main interests being football, beer and generally being loud nuisances. However, there has to be some who are fine with us and if you look beyond stereotypes, they will exist, particularly in younger generations. @PatrickUK has it spot on, they need to be well-adjusted.

 

You only fall for straight men if you are naive and inexperienced.

If the only sexual experiences you've had are jerking off to pictures that don't talk back or make physical contact with you, or being sleazed over by unattractive gay man, then its likely that you will end up falling for a friendly straight man you've met in person, because you're thinking "hey he was nice to me, maybe this is a bit like how it feels to have a boyfriend"

Once you've actually spent time exploring your sexuality with other gay men who you are attracted to, then the line between friendship with straight men and sexual relationships with gay men becomes a lot clearer. I don't lust after any of my straight friends. Some of them are good looking, but I don't feel the urge to become more than just mates with them, because that's not the reason for having them in my life. I hang out with them because we respect each other and enjoy each other's company. If I want sex, I turn my attention elsewhere. I don't fall straight men because I know how to get off with hot gay guys.

 

Girls have lower sex drive.

 

No... they really don't. I say this as a guy who hooked up with lots of girls when I thought I was straight, and most of them had the same sex drive as me. Women are every bit as sexual as guys are, they just restrict and hide it in public to fit with societal standards and stereotypes because them being openly sexual is considered bad and slutty while when guys do it it's considered good and dominant.

 

But what if you're demisexual/need some kind of emotional bond with someone before you're comfortable going any further with them? Some people just stay like that regardless of how much experience they have, don't they?

 

Yes, but the criteria for 'emotional bond' seems to decrease for those people the more experienced they get. For their first time maybe they'd want to be dating the person for 6 months, while the 50th time maybe they only need to hang out with the person for a week or two before they feel that connection due to their increased experience.

 

I don't know about lower necessarily but I have it on good authority (transgender women) that hormones DO in fact play a significant role in how sexuality is expressed. It might not be lower but it is definitely different. And I can't help but wonder if this also extends to the gay guys who have more feminised than average brains.

 

It's still not just nothing though is it. Some men seem to be able to just fuck another man without any emotional part of their brain lighting up before hand. Not everyone is wired that way or cable of that in a way where that would actually be something they would enjoy.