I don’t believe straight men and gay men can’t ever truly be friends.

Then your issue is that you've had a bunch of really shitty straight friends, not that straight men are inherently bad.

Sure, there are people out there that are just assholes. By the way, there are plenty of gay men who are complete assholes as well. To some extent, it might vary based on where you live. On the whole, though, probably the majority of straight men have no problems with gay men. You might consider that your previous experiences may be impacting the lens through which you view straight men, and also that, in some way, you might be telegraphing the message that you aren't worthy of being treated decently. Self-esteem plays a big role in hw others perceive us, as well as how we perceive ourselves.

 

Pretty much exactly what I said. What therapists typically see in repeating patterns where someone is treated poorly by multiple people (in friendships or relationships or even in work settings) is a pattern of behavior.

In this pattern, the people in question are in some way putting off the message that they don’t deserve to be respected, or treated well, or their boundaries honored. This isn’t a conscious thing; it is nearly always coming from a place of deep shame and unworthiness.

I will also point out that you started a thread asking for input and you have argued with nearly every poster that they are wrong. This, too, often comes from a place of insecurity: if one is genuinely seeking input, they usually appreciate what is being shared... but if they are looking for affirmation that their viewpoint is correct (which generally comes from a place of shame) then they are likely to argue with anyone whose viewpoint doesn’t match their preconceived notion.

I say this not with the intent of judging, but to give you insight into what may be going on for you here.

 

THe unfortunate thing is, shame is really pervasive (as Brené Brown says, 'all of us have it, and the more we have it, the less we talk about it"), and yet many therapists, though they know about shame, aren't the best at working with it, because working with shame clinically always requires that the therapist be willing to go into and be aware of their own shame.

When I was at Brené's training for professionals, the group leaders that worked with my group both said that they had been conducting shame groups for years, and doing their own work outside of that.. but that they still ran into issues now and again where their own shame would come up... sometimes to the detriment of the group.

So the key is finding a therapist really fluent with shame issues, and one who is self-aware enough to know where their own issues are, and willing to acknowledge how shame affects their work. It isn't impossible to find a therapist with that skill level, but you have to look. You might check out thedaringway.com, there is a list of participating professionals trained by Brené's team who should be at least a little better than your average therapist in being competent with shame issues.