Married, kids, bisexual, depressed

What you mean ?

 

@Jggates just wanted to say I've just recently joined this forum after a lot of soul searching. I found this thread and your first post is something I could have written in almost exactly the same way about myself. I hope you find a good path forward for you and your family. I'm just starting to think seriously about this now, how/if to tell my wife, and all that. Starting with a session with a new therapist in a week or so, then hoping to figure it out from there. I will say that my mood has improved significantly in the last few days just thinking about finally getting this out in the open, at least with the person closest to me in life. How she would take it I just have no way to predict.

I hope you'll continue to post updates of how things go with you. This isn't easy, and I guess I've just found that years of staying quiet and hoping it will just "go away" is not realistic. What to do about it is a different story...

 

Hi, I'm Rade
It's difficult and challenging but in the end I had to come out to my wife of 20 yrs. I did it wrong, I had a long wait for counselling but probably should have had the counselling first. I should have found this forum first too!! as it's been very helpful.
It sounds like your doing it all in a good order.
My wife is now an ex wife and I'm slowly integrating into the LGBT community. At least a feel happy and that a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders....
Rade

 

Thanks for writing, Rade. Like @Jggates, I'm hoping that I can get this out in the open without breaking my marriage. Aside from the counseling, I'm thinking I might take the advice I've seen elsewhere on this site and write my thoughts out, just to myself at first. Anyway, I don't want to hijack this thread but maybe at some point I'll put that story out here in a thread of my own. I think it would be cathartic, and maybe others will have some good advice. So far I've found a lot of helpful insight here.

 

I really feel for you and the other guy you have been talking too. Planning and taking your time are really important things to consider. Also to make sure your in a financial position to leave home if it goes badly.
I currently want to leave the family home as my ex wife and I are struggling to get along and the kids are really playing up all the time . But I'm torn as a parent of what to do. She has a boyfriend now.
If you both want to stay with your partner's and they are understanding of your bisexuality that's great . Just be prepared as you don't know how they will take the news.
Personally I am bisexual but lean more towards being gay. We had 20 yrs. I now need to explore being with a guy like a did in my teens . I didn't really want my marriadge to break down but my ex is not open minded to threesome or to have an open relationship.
You or the other guy in this thread might at some stage want to explore your bisexuality and that's when it becomes difficult.
Tread carefully, I've left the straight world behind and I'm now just on the edge of the LGBT world and it's weird to me, all so different . I suppose I'm looking for exceptance at the group's I attend. I've really fucked up and should have come out bi 25 yrs ago.
Rade

 

When the time is right your honesty with her could give you both an even stronger relationship. It could be even better on all levels . But getting it sorted in your head first is really important.
Because your happy solely with her and don't feel the need to explore your sexuality it could all work out good and you can reassure her of this.

 

WOW
Your original post, it sounds as if I wrote part of it.
I should have come out 25 yrs ago.....
The way you met your wife, friendship, relationship, marriage and kids....
Leaning more towards guys...

Though not all LGBT people are happy, I'm not, well not yet.....
Rade

 

I think for me at 42 I hit a midlife crises, whether it's normal at my age or not!!
I thought I have the marriage and kids, did not want anymore kids, so now what?
I think that's when I felt the need to address my sexuality.
So here I am out but still drifting along at the moment!! Till I find my way....

 

Hope you get it figured out I'm still struggling

 

It's gotten worse

 

I hope you are ok?
Rade

 

Not really she asked me when I'm gonna come out to her that I'm gay and honestly I feel I am

 

You need to come out to her when YOUR ready. If you don't want to come out as gay dont, come out as bisexual to her. You might like me, need more experience with men to know your true sexuality.....
Rade

 

What do I do ?

 

At some point you will need to sit down with her and be honest....I know it's difficult and I have been in your exact position back in Feb this year....

 

What did you do

 

She forced me to talk. And we were having an argument and she screamed at me tell me what's going on....so I told her I'm bi. She then ran out the house and went for a drive...
It was difficult for a few weeks, then our openness brought us closer together we had more sex in two months than the previous 2 years LOL. But that was the end of my hetrosexual life...
But it then destroyed us, she couldn't cope having a bi/gay husband. She is now with a REAL man. However he has mental health and not in a good place...
Rade