I've noticed that since coming out it's been easier for me to express my gay, effeminate side - though nothing too extreme. I'm still trying to figure out if this is part of the genuine me or if I'm playing into the stereotype. I've portrayed a straight man for so long that I'm still heteronormative masculine overall. Wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience?
I feel the same kind of thing myself. I wonder if sometimes its just that I don't feel the need to be quite so guarded or something
I'm not sure if I became more feminine, but I'm more able to bring out my feminine side if it comes to it. I used to be super offended when I would do something and my friends would say "Only girls do that", or "that's so girly", but now, I don't really care. I can do feminine things if I want to.
@CapColors - Thanks for your support. @angeluscrzy - I haven't figured this out yet. I agree there's a component of not having to be guarded since my faux self has been integrated. Yet there are many layers of this onion! When I was young, I remember being more touchy feely. Then something happened during elementary school that started me down the dark path of denial and being guarded. I'm still trying to unwind and figure out what is genuine and what is not. I feel that time is required to unravel the mystery.
I know exactly what started mine. Having fooled around with my best friend at like 8 or 9, I felt so much guilt after like I'd done this incredibly taboo thing. And I had this feeling like somehow people could tell if I wasn't careful. I was pretty miserable as a child because of it all.
I received counseling because I had touched someone inappropriately at school around 9 or 10. I never got an explanation as to whom or where I touched...
I did the counseling thing many times over thru the years too, starting around 10 or 11. Never actually acknowledged anything about my sexuality til I was maybe 16 tho, and that was to a therapist first in a long term psych facility I was in. Funny how all this stuff being bottled up ain't bad enough, let's add some shrinks so I can REALLY feel like I'm nuts.
My feminine side has always been reasonably integrated as part of my internal experience, albeit not fully understood in my earlier years. I love to cook and nurture my son, yet vocalizing the feminine side is where I've fallen short.
It's a good question... One person I know was surprised when I came out, saying that he had no idea because I did not act "stereotypically gay." I guess that means I haven't been acting very effeminately. But at the same time, I know that I have "corrected" myself millions of times over the years for how I say certain words, for how I walk, for how I talk, etc., so that no one makes a comment about it. One part of this coming out process has been telling myself that I don't need to "correct" myself anymore. I can simply be who I am and let it be. I'm not saying that it's easy, but I do feel more relaxed.
I did not consciously know I was gay at the time and my next encounter with therapy was much later in life. Overall, I've gone from "not very useful" to "somewhat helpful" therapy sessions. Still looking for a great therapist. I'm sorry to hear that you've had a bad experience.
I can definitely relate to this. Since deciding to indulge my curious side and chat to guys, I've definitely felt myself acting different. Feminine isn't exactly the right word, it's more like I act more seductive and flirty. The main and kind of refreshing thing is the feeling of no longer trying to act all masculine and blokish and instead just being more myself
Weird as it seems, the two years I spent in the psych ward were quite the blessing. That's where I met my male best friend, that I fell hard for. He was straight, but that experience showed me that there was definitely something to it all. Still haven't so much as kissed a guy, but I do know I could fall for one.
I'm glad that you can make that leap of faith. I had to kiss a guy, really, really kiss him before I did, but after I did :wow:
Yeah.....I'm looking forward to that "wow" moment. Too much other responsibilities right now tho to bother adding trying to meet someone to that list.
I have to admit, I can get this way around a guy I'm attracted to. It just brings out a different side to me.
I have always had a feminine side, so I don't think I became more feminine, I just didn't care to show it after coming out. Some of the feminine things about me are what made people question me my whole life.
Yes I can relate. Before I came out to anyone else I had to come out to myself. After I did, I don't think I made a conscious choice to be or act more feminine. It just came more naturally. And yes, I took notice. And it felt good. I guess you do feel less inhibited, but I also don't feel obligated to act a certain way. I think being obligated to act a certain way is why I came out in the first place. I hope some of this makes sense.
"Obligation". I've grown to hate that word with a passion. I abhor almost anything I feel I "have to do".