Bisexual Erasure

Why on earth do people have to bitch about things that aren't relevant to them AT ALL? I mean, it's fine to have an opinion, but that doesn't mean everyone wants to hear it, or will take it well if you say it. I've even seen some gay people on this website say that "I wouldn't date a bisexual person because they are cheaters and afraid of commitment."

I mean seriously? How on earth are we supposed to get people to stop being homophobic and such when we have prejudices in our own LGBT community?

And also, to all of the people that say that loving more than one gender is impossible or being in denial, here's a big middle finger for you because I personally think that the ability to love and be attracted to more than one gender is beautiful and amazing.

 

YES! I wanted to start a thread about this. There are way more bisexuals than there are of gays and lesbians! And how many jokes and comments do I read about them? Way too many. Some gay girls saying that they wouldn't date a bisexual because she's leave her for a guy... well if she leaves you she leaves you. And sure, we can say that bisexual erasure isn't a big deal, but it kind of is. When my sister told me she was bi, I'd make stupid jokes, and she kept on ranting about bisexual erasure. Then we went to Pride together, and I wanted to buy her bisexual pride flag; impossible to find! I finally found one and she was so happy, but damn it guys, we need more bi flags at Pride!

 

Thank you for the response, the clarification, and for suggesting a concrete alternative.

But I have to say that describing an insistence that my sexuality doesn't exist simply as "disrespect" sounds like under-emotional bullshit.

Treating me like a second-class citizen because I'm bisexual is disrespect.
Treating me like I'm incapable of monogamy because I'm bisexual is disrespect.
Treating me like I'm incapable of making up my mind because I'm bisexual is disrespect.
Treating me like some kind of whore who'll fuck anything because I'm bisexual is disrespect.
I'd even go so far as to say that beating, raping, or killing me because I'm bisexual is disrespect.

But denying that there is such a thing as bisexuality at all? That transcends disrespect to me. How is "denial" too strong a word for denying that something exists?

 

^

 

I just don't understand how each time there is a conversation about bisexual erasure, in the process of claiming bisexual identity, people will throw generalising statements about the entirety of human sexuality, which essentially leaves a tiny patch for gay and straight identities- and the rest is consumed by the massive bisexual monster.


I've done a poll on EC recently - and http://emptyclosets.com/forum/chit-...where-do-you-place-yourself-kinsey-scale.html

Out of the 33 people who self- identify as a Kinsey 5, 28 are gay- and 5 are bisexual.

That is: nearly 85% of people who by your definitions are 'bisexual', don't feel they are.



In the EC poll 28 out of 70 gay identified individuals are a Kinsey 5- which places them at 40% of all gay identified individuals, as opposed to the 32 Kinsey 6's who comprise 46% of gay identified people . (btw. This has been replicated in even starker proportions on a specifically lesbian forum- where the majority of lesbians said they are a Kinsey 5.)



The 5 Kinsey 5s who identify as bisexual comprise 12% of all EC bisexual identified individuals. So there is nearly as much Kinsey 5s as 6s who feel they are gay, and comparably few Kinsey 5s who feel that they are bisexual. It also means that the proportion of Kinsey 5s and 6s are nearly the same within the gay identified people.



What this shows is the complexity of human sexuality and identity- and it shows that more gay people fall outside the "strictly" gay category, than we want to openly acknowledge.


By referring to the human sexuality spectrum as 'bisexual spectrum' and by defining bisexuality as 'anyone who is not exclusively a Kinsey 0 or 6' a large proportion of gay people is essentially told that they are 'not really gay, but bisexual'.

It's just not ok- it makes us feel like we don't belong under our own identity/label.


There is one bisexual activism website, called The Bisexual Index- which did exactly that- it rewrote the entirely of the Kinsey scale to claim everyone from 1 to 5 as bisexual.

I see it being used over and over again to absorb the entirety of the human sexuality into the bisexual identity.



We all want bisexual people to be more visible, feel more comfortable and for biphobia to stop plaguing our community- but I don't think the way is to rewrite the Kinsey scale, and claim that ca. 40% of gay people are really 'bisexual'- and this is precisely what bisexual activists has been doing through referring to the human sexuality spectrum as 'the bisexual spectrum', and using the broadest definition of bisexuality- so broad that it subsumes nearly half of the gay-identified individuals.

When you talk to a gay- identified person about bisexuality, it is just as likely that you are talking to a Kinsey 5 person, as a 6. What this means that each time you are coming from this super-broad definition of bisexuality they feel like their identity as a gay person is put into question- hence they will get defensive & negative about bisexuality.

 

Hm, this topic has come up many times. Now gay guys have another 'privilege'. "Nobody thinks you don't exist!", hooray. I shall now put this in the "a bunch of people claiming the sun is a social construct and a bunch of people yelling sun erasure!" category.

Pardon the barely noticeable, insignificant little bit of sarcasm.

---------- Post added 10th Jul 2015 at 08:27 AM ----------

Dear lord, I first read "ease" as "erase" :roflmao:

 

I should add the following:

To be fair, I don't hear a *lot* of people outright saying "this bisexuality thing is utter bullshit; there is no such thing!"

What I do hear is an awful lot of *acting* as if it doesn't. The assumption that if you have same-sex attraction, then you must be gay (constantly happens). The line from "The Kids Are Alright", after one of the "lesbian" protagonists has sex with a man: "So what...you're straight now?" (one line from one movie, but hardly the only example of its kind...the movie never explores the fact that that woman is clearly bisexual...or even raises the possibility or question!) The term "Gay/Straight Alliance", as if there's no in-between. The term "Gay Marriage" (to which I realize many share my objection...but not for this reason). The list honestly can go on and on.

Suppose starting tomorrow, everyone you know simply started to neglect to acknowledge your existence. You, Glen, and Tony walk into the room, and someone you know says "Hey Glen, hey Tony". Nobody sets a place for you at the table. Almost nobody talks to you or responds when you talk to them. It's not uncommon that at restaurants the waiter will skip taking your order. And occasionally...just occasionally...you hear someone (usually a stranger, but sometimes, most unsettlingly, a friend) saying "X? Who are you talking about? Look, there is no such person as X! That's just a bunch of crap."

I'm guessing you're not going to just feel disrespected, and say "damn, why does nobody respect me?" You're going to feel like people are denying your existence, to erase your presence. Maybe it's just me...or just overly sensitive people...but I'm hazarding such a reaction would not be uncommon, and I posit it is not unreasonable.

Now imagine further that when you voice this feeling that people are trying to erase you, you are told by one of the voices of authority in your world, "Oh, please, stop with the overly emotional dramatic bullshit...*nobody* is trying to erase you!" Can you imagine how that would feel?

 

I just get tired of people calling me "gay". Not that there is anything wrong at all with that, I am attracted to women too. I may not be attracted to stereotypical females. Since I have come out, I find myself more attracted to bi females because they understand the struggle and won't judge me. At the end of the day, I just don't want judgment. And as for naming, how about we call it "bi marginalization"?

 

I am still a Kinsey 4 and attracted to guys more. What I meant in the above ^ was when I am attracted to women, they are not the traditional types.

 

The Kinsey scale was created for a reason
Personally, although I like women in a mostly non-sexual way, I find it easier to just identify with my gay side. Although you'd be hard pressed to figure it out unless I told you, I still feel that I am much more attracted to men. So...yeah

 

I guess the last part of your sentence negates the fact that we just had a thread about Miley Cyrus coming out as bisexual and 90% of the people thought it was an act and questioned her sexuality. It's interesting. Might I add nobody really had an issue or was overly offended when people said Miley wasn't actually bi and was straight and just seeking attention.

 

I'm not having a go Austin, but how do you know that?

 

I've been looking for a forum to talk about this. I've identified as bi for 7-10 years at this point and when I come out to people, it's met with varied reactions from "you're confused" to "I think you're 100% Straight" or my personal favorite "you can't be bi if you've never slept with the same gender" which is completely bogus.

How can a person be expected to be 100% authentic when friends and loved ones attempt to discredit and deny what they're being told is true?

 

I have no idea why Bi erasure! The vast majority of people are monosexual, and I even think most queer people are monosexual. So people just have trouble understanding it; some might see a man who "went back to" women after a "gay" phase, or a closeted lesbian who finally started dating women, but long term relationships seem to be the way by which people judge each others' sexual preferences. The reality is not so simple, which makes peoples' heads explode.

I don't know if this is common, but for me I experience two very different attractions, with two different natures, and I swing back and forth. I don't experience both at the same time. I don't really understand it myself. I assume it'll take on a more fixed nature over time, and it has as I've mellowed out, but yeah it's frustrating and I don't know how to explain it to people and I don't know anyone to whom I can relate.

 

To people who say "stop using the word erasure as it's too emotional''

If I can't tell black people how they're supposed to react to racism, or tell women how they're supposed to react to sexism ... then you can't tell me how I'm supposed to react to biphobia.

Also to people who say ''don't give a s*** about what they say"

Bisexual people need to fight for their rights, if we don't then they're never going to change. Too many gay people are saying this, but if I said this to gay people about homophobic people, then your rights would have never changed.

@biAnnika ... okay, so I didn't like ''The Kids are Alright'' in general because it's not the story line I thought it was going to be, but that line annoyed me as well. I also hated it how they made her cheat, given the bi stereotype that I see too often in film.

I know I'm probably going to get some kind of s*** for my comment but whatever.

 

Then why don't you tell me how I'm supposed to feel then?

Because you're the one whose being ignorant. I mean, having gay people call you ''greedy, promiscious, indecisive'' that's biphobic because they're scared of being in a relationship with me due to things that aren't even true (or might be for some bisexuals, but no different from gay and straight).

I know what I am and to have tell people I'm not, and then to have gay people tell me I can't be upset and feel isolated [in terms of not having a relationship when I'm older due to prejudice] by this, what kind of support group is this?

 

I don't know... to me (and this is just my personal opinion), if you're more concerned with the term bisexual erasure, over bisexuals actually being overlooked, excluded, and denied, then that seems like a case of misplaced priorities. Assuming you're an ally to the cause, of course.