Sooo I'm gonna try to get two birds with one stone here. As some of you may or may not have noticed, I sort of dropped off the site for a while recently. That was mostly because I had a lingering doubt and decided that I was a girl. :dry: That didn't last long. The first day I was really happy about it, the next couple days I was comfortable with it, then I started to have to remind myself about my decision, and then it felt like I just sort of dropped off this cliff into this serious depression about it. I finally decided I would do some more research about it, and I finally had that moment when it all just clicks, and I was crying for the rest of the evening. For the next few days, I was just in the depths of despair, it was the first time I legitimately felt trapped in my body, or that God or whomever you believe controls these things had made a mistake. At this point, I was super depressed but I couldn't cry. Like I wanted to, but I couldn't. Now, I get confused whenever I'm happy because I'm still able to be happy living as a woman. And I get these moments where I'm just so miserable and all I think about is how much I wish I'd just been born physically male... I also have a completely unrelated (or somewhat unrelated) question. I've been looking for gender therapists in the Anchorage, AK area, but I haven't been able to find any. Does anyone know any?
I don't know of any therapists in the area, but I've sometimes just wanted to "go back". To not have to face everything that's ahead of me.
I believe it's dangerous to expect that you can't and won't be happy unless/until you transition. This thinking will further influence your mood (for worse) and it reminds a bit of "martyr's thinking". Of course you can be happy as a girl. Maybe/probably not constantly, but honestly who is constantly happy? That's doesn't mean that you can't experience a very happy days. Please don't feel guilty about being happy (*hug*)
