Im really new to this because Im just starting to come out to more people, I mean by now alot of people know about me (including my mom ) but lately I have been more open about it than I used to be. The thing is, from what I have experienced, if you´re gay then you kiss or make out, and I don´t like that because I don´t find every single guy attractive, even if I like them as friends. Yesterday I found out thata friend who I have known almost my entire life is gay, and he found out about me. At first I was like cool! I have a friend who understands me, but then when I was about to leave he pulled me away and started kissing me and making out and I didn´t know what to do, I mean I didn´t want to hurt his feelings so I didn´t push him but I did say I saw him just as a friend and he kept on saying we could be more. Then when we were saying goodbye he said, well just a handshake like friends, and then he kissed me again :dry: But this is not the first time something like this happens, another friend of mine told me he was gay some weeks ago, and I told him I was too, and he ruined everything by trying to ask me out, because now I can´t talk to him because I said I didn´t like him in that way. Every guy I have met who turns out to be gay wants to go out with me, and while some of them are ok, I just wish there were some that just wanted to be friends. Im really upset right now because the guy that kissed me has been a really great friend, and now Im going to feel awkward around him Does this happen all the time?
Well, I can't empathize too much since my pool of gay friends is limited, but it has been so that one of my friends wanted to go out with me, which sorta made me uncomfortable since I was just starting to come out and wasn't looking for a relationship (he seemed a bit too young, also). I would say gays are more likely to "swarm around fresh meat" than the typical population, because of suppression and stuff like that...
Hell no it doesn't happen all the time...or at least, it SHOULDN'T...back before I realised my gender I was considered a gay (well pan...) male, about half my friends are gay or bi and that's never once happened to any of us... Just tell the guy you're not interested...I wouldn't be worried about hurting someone's feelings after they'd tried to force their tongue down my throat unrequested...
Does it happen a fair amount? Yes. Does it happen all the time? No. I think there are quite a few gay guys who feel sort of desperate and so when they find someone who's gay, whom they already know, they just go for it. Doesn't make it right, and it shows a serious lack of boundaries, but it happens. But for the most part, if you just have a frank conversation and say, in effect, "You've been a really good friend for a long time, and I appreciate that you feel a connection, but you are so valuable to me as a friend I don't want to risk losing that by being a romantic relationship" ... they may be (probably will be) disappointed in the moment, but they can then (usually) continue to be a good friend, and, not infrequently, it can become an even deeper friendship because you've both shared your concerns and fears. I have a number of friends who are around your age who have very deep froendships, with hugging and roughhousing and so forth that, to an outsider, might look like a relationship. But they are very clear on the boundaries and so the friendships are intact and solid, and none of them ever crosses the line. It's new territory for a lot of gay guys because many gay guys are pretty loose and open sexually, but (if the guy has any boundaries at all) he will eventually come to appreciate having a trusted gay friend that he doesn't have to worry about the guy hitting on him.
I know... I felt really bad after it happened, I mean I didn´t want to kiss him first of all because he´s my friend, and second because I don´t really like him like that. I still feel uncomfortable when I think about it
I have several gay friends who I don't feel any attraction to, and several who I do. But I'm one who's so cautious that I don't want to risk a friendship by coming on too aggressively.
It shouldn't be different with gay friends than it is if a straight guy and girl are friends. If you just him as a friend, that's all he should be. Just because you're both gay does not mean you should have to do stuff with him. I have loads of gay and bi friends, and we're simply friends. We hang out and talk and go shopping, we'll even go to the movies and have sleepovers, and there is nothing romantic or sexual about it.
This has never happend to me. (Not that I know many gay guys or anything.) Plus, I have only one gay friend, who I'm sure doesn't see me as more than just a friend. So, yeah, I guess it's possible to be just friends.
Like Ellia said, i doubt it will do much to your friendship if you said anything as he risked your friendship by 'sticking his tongue down your throat' so it should be okay to tell him hes your best friend and you dont want to engage a relationship I hope goes well ^^
In the end many people sort of go on a binge in regards to when they come out, They assume the friendship is an easy bridge to cross, In order to experiment with the more physical and romantic side of their attraction, It's bound to happen, And since this involves men, Who are MOSTLY sexualized and innuendo driven, It's once again, Going to happen! If I were you I'd establish the boundaries, Maybe try make it 'not' awkward, But try, AFTER having set boundaries Good luck!
Yes, but sometimes there is the risk/benefit of developing attraction/feelings. What your friend did was inappropriate. That's not really the question, though. You should be able to speak to the friend who asked you out before; crushes shouldn't last forever and they'll likely be able to be your friend as normal. Next time a friend asks you out, turn them down (if you want), and don't cut off the friendship. Set boundaries with your friends. That seems the most important thing for you to do.
My best friend is a girl and she didn't come on to me, but she did tell me that she liked me, she even talked to one of her gay friends about what she was feeling before telling me about it, before then she always hinted at it and then said that I made her question her sexuality. Truthfully the reason she didn't come on to me is probably because she is straight and has never liked girls or saw girls in that way until it happened with me. There was one night when we were drinking that she came on to me pretty strongly and tried to get me in bed, but I didn't let her. Were still best friends, might be even closer now than we were before and we always joke about it, a lot of our friends always tell us that we make a cute couple and new people we meet think were together after finding out I'm a lesbian, but we just tell them otherwise. It hasn't affected our friendship, but I can see how it can be weird especially since your friend just came onto you so forwardly. I think if you just told him you wanted to remain friends and didn't see him as anything else than maybe you can salvage some of the friendship, it's bound to be a little bit awkward at first though.
To answer your question, yup. it is possible. maybe he's pretty new to the whole "being gay" as well. in his mind, it's "i'm gay. he's gay. we've known each other for a while so maybe we have feelings for each other". Some guys might not understand that because they want to get a taste of what's inside your pants. Others just don't understand it. Don't feel bad at all by rejecting him. if he's not your type of guy or what you would want in a guy, just simply say no. it'll help both sides of the parties in the long run. you want to be friends with him, talk to him about it the best way you think he can take it. the longer you wait, the more it'll feel awkward.
Of course it doesn't happen all the time, but I must say that I don't have a single lesbian friend that I haven't been with, but I guess it's just because a lot of gay people don't really know that many other LGBTQ people, so if you're single and want a girlfriend or boyfriend, you don't really have that much to "choose from".. but yeah, of course you should be able to be just friends. I guess you just need to tell him what you feel, even though it's awkward, tell him it's just a misunderstanding, and that you still want to be his friend.
You can totally be friends with gay people of your own sex. It's no different than straight boys and gals being friends
They obviously loved u even before that, and when they realized you're gay their fantasy came true and hence the kiss. Just let them know u still want to be friends but no more than that and hopefully they'll understand >.>
For some, IMO emotionally immature, people, it can be hard to be friends with someone they're attracted to, but it shouldn't be impossible.
Except for one instance, every gay guy Ive met and befriended has developed a crush on me. Very annoying. I just want friends. If I wanted to date or make out Id be obvious about it. The only guy I was friends with who also happens to be gay I haven't talked to in nine years, and it would probably be awkward to reach out now. He wasnt close.
I have gay, straight, bisexual, male, female, cis, and trans friends, who also have gay, straight, bisexual, male, female, cis and trans friends, and as far as I'm aware, we're not constantly dating or developing feelings for one another. I've always been the type to want to befriend someone before getting seriously involved with them, but this is not the same thing as potentially ruining a long-term friendship when someone suddenly falls hard for the other. It's too bad one of my long-term friends has been acting a lot more flirty and open around me since I came out and he broke up with his girlfriend of five years, and my reaction was more-or-less, "No... not you..." since he's more like a brother to me at this point, but even if he weren't, he's not at all my type. It just puts you in an extremely awkward position.