What are you thinking?

Sounds like a good trade. It's supposed to be colder at this time of the year, but the temperature just shot up...

 

Why can't I just hold my own and keep holding it until I lose the argument with my dignity intact?

 

So I was working out earlier, and right when the quiet part in Loverman hit, I hear my mum start talking to me about the house across the street. And she's bitchin about the new people's windows again, and i groan cause she's interrupting me working out like she loves to do, and I pause my music and workout video. And as she's going on how she doesn't like them, doesn't like how they look, they're tacky, etc. I'm saying I don't care and I'm saying that they (the new people in the house) like them and I said something else I don't remember, but basically I'm just not down with her whining about their windows.

and then she says "why whenever I talk to you about anything you always gotta be a negative bitch" lol yeah I'm the one being negative when you're being negative about their windows. And so I say something along the lines of they're their windows and they can do what they want with them, and i think I said something else I don't know.

I'm so sick of her and her shit. And i'm sick of her always calling me bitch cause i can tell she's using it in a gendered way, unlike other people who use it for everybody. And her calling me negative when she's being negative about something. like total lol wtf. Can she not see how hypocritical and contradictory or whatever she's being? i guess not, cause she's always like this(unreasonable, illogical, judgmental etc.). :dry:

 

My mum just reserved a slot for a 2 week holiday in Rhosneigr, Anglesey in Wales, near the end of June.
Haven't had a proper holiday since 2011, so I'll be looking forward to this.

 

I hate her.

As some people may know, we have a shit load of cats. Probably 15 in the house, and probably roughly the same number in the sheds. And my mum just asked me when the last time I gave the cats in the toy room moist food and she was saying it in one of her annoying ass tones. And I was like their crap's disgusting enough and then she was like I don't care what you think blah blah blah. And then she's threatening to throw me out of the house if I'm not gonna feed the cats or take care of them or whatever it was. And i'm like I feed/take care of them if I didn't they'd be dead or starving. And as usual she's like oh yeah okay, in that annoying ass tone. And I'm like none of the cats are wicked thin or anything, and she's like what about Agatha, and she's already out the door as I'm giving what her usual reasoning would be "she's old!". Damn asshole just loves waltzing out the fucking door as i'm speaking all the time.

And that's another reason why i fucking hate her, there she is saying that one cat is thin, and she would normally go oh but she's old that's what happens blah blah blah, but no she turns around and tries and blame it on me just because I don't give the stupid cats in the toy room moist food. Bitch GTFO. They get dry food, that's good enough I'm not giving them moist so their shit can be even worse.

This is what she always does, she starts fights over shit and tries to accuse me of shit, and is just completely unreasonable and illogical and just plain stupid about everything. fuck her.

and just wow, if she's threatening to throw me out over something I didn't do (not feed the cats) then I think it's relatively safe to say she will most likely flip her shit when she realises i'm on T (not on it yet) and toss my ass out.

 

It's technically still winter here but this is a very long time to be constantly well below freezing especially into March.

 

Hoping I'll apply to another job today......if I can keep the procrastination in check.

 

It amazes me to see that some people will talk to you and give you advice even if they don't know you. GMH. c:

 

:\

Just feeling shitty. I don't look male enough.

 

You need to pop your collar and hit the gym bro.

Stereotype it up.

No, really, hang in there.

 

Tea+ Brooke Waggoner, best thing for my loneliness.

 

Thanks. I'm packing/binding but it doesn't feel like enough. My face is still stupidly round and my hips- fuck them.

 

Second day I'm trying to get a live person on the USPS line. yesterday I waited 20 minutes on hold and then gave up. I want to get a change of address form sent to me so I can change my name, and then I'll send it back once I get my new ss card.

---------- Post added 6th Mar 2014 at 03:29 PM ----------

fuck. I just got someone but they asked for my name and zipcode and then I like kinda panicked a bit and just kinda mumbled never mind and and they asked it again and i hung up....cause my name isn't changed with ss and i don't want to say that other name....I still feel slightly sick cause I was totally caught off guard...;_; damn you social anxiety

---------- Post added 6th Mar 2014 at 03:33 PM ----------

wait a minute this shit's online wtf! I can just do it when I get my card then.

 

The problems that are others dreams... sigh.

*Brofist*

 

i'm thinking of the laundry i need to do.

 

I despise writing essays. I overthink and overanalyze them. AWFUL COMBINATION.

"What's a synonym for this word?"
"How do I be more concise?"
"Well, this paragraph is complete shit."
"This sentence needs rewording."
"Is this the right punctuation?"
"How do I put my thoughts into coherent words?"
"How do I organize this?"

Nooooooo......

 

How is it that I am so direct and assertive and forceful and politically astute at work, but as soon as I get home, I shrink from all conflict? :bang:

 

After finishing a Taschen Basic Art book on her work, I really want to look into more of O'Keeffe's art.

 

Do you live in my head? My thoughts exactly when confronted with documents or sometimes even typing anywhere. Sometimes even when you think it's bad... other people say it is great. It's tough being a perfectionist. Yet it can lead to lovely grades and results. It helps me to write out a rough plan of what I'll write in each section, if that makes sense. Then I drink Red Bull and forget what sleep is. Eventually it'll have to do and you need sleep. Perfection is impossible, although seeking continuous improvement is awesome, as long as it doesn't take over your life.

 

I have this really great friend. He's really, really awesome. But the only way we have to contact each other is through Facebook...and he is constantly deactivating/reactivating his Facebook profile. :/