It confuses me. I don't see how anyone can just have a one night stand/meaningless sex. Sorry if I offended anyone but me, personal, being intimate with someone like that is kinda special to me. Yeah, I maybe tempted to give in but I know the end result is gonna be me feeling really crappy. So... Can anyone explain how people do this or maybe why? Sorry if I sound harsh I just want to understand that's all
I'm on your side here, I don't understand it either I guess for some people sex is just sex, the with who aspect doesn't matter to them.
I usually agree...but... No, I DO agree. Just...must..keep...personal...libido induced bias out of this. But yeah, I do agree, it's pointless unless you're really into the person, outside of just sex. I wouldn't ever have casual sex. Not unless I genuinely thought there was a chance it would go somewhere. Otherwise it would be shallow, meaningless. Which is why I'm still a virgin..I've had offers, but they weren't going to go anywhere more than physical, so it would be a waste of my time, and not a great way to get the ball rolling..
Some people just completely detach sex from emotions. I don't really understand it (always been 100% waiting for monogamy, but as I get older I'm beginning to reluctantly relax that standard...) Sex feels good, y'know? And some people do whatever it takes to feel good. Pure hedonism. It isn't for everybody, and that's okay. But monogamy isn't for everybody either, and that's also okay. And also, there is usually alcohol involved at the very least.
" Otherwise it would be shallow, meaningless." That's kinda the point after years of being hurt emotionally It's nice to have some fun w/o any commitment or expectations. Though there is no expectations of commitment there is usually more to it than just sex alot of times the evening goes something like: have a few drinks and chat then go have some fun till someone starts getting tired, rinse and repeat as desired. It's as much about having someone you can be yourself with for a while, w/o any chance of getting emotionally hurt, as it is about the sex. Okay I hear the next question already 'why hook up instead of finding someone to just hang out with?'. You were gonna ask, right? Hell I get the fun of hanging out and sex is way better than jerking off. Why not have an entertaining evening and get my rocks off too? Just play safe. I can differentiate the difference between just sex and making love. Making love is on a completely different level and is better. But casual sex does have its merits too.
I hooked-up a couple of times because I wasn't sure of my emotions for guys and wanted to experiment without getting toο attached with them and raise their expectations of me. I didn't like most of my experiences with most guys, but my gay friends tell me that it's because instead of trying to make love, I choose to just have sex. I can't give a full answer because I haven't tried both, but they should know better right?
And, in a way, I don't understand why people don't understand this, but I'm starting to. I'm trying. Everybody is wired differently. Three answers: 1) you get tired of waiting, 2) sometimes, it just sort of happens, and there's a funny and crass term for that - "getting lucky," and 3) it feels good.
Honestly, I only did it once. I didn't know the guy but it just sorta happened (long story short) and after I realized I much prefer the company of someone I love. Sure its fun and all but its much better if you have a deep connection with them.
I agree, but it's more of a security thing for me than moral. I just have a hard time trusting any person enough to give them my body on a whim. I prefer the safety and intimacy of sex with someone who wants all of me, the package deal, not just what my body has to offer. But mixing those feelings with feelings of morality, I'm further conflicted when hooking up with someone because I can't shake the feeling that if I'm willing to give someone that part of me on a whim and call it meaningless, then it only makes it less valuable when I give myself to someone I love. The more you spread yourself, the less there is to give. That's just my own personal conviction. I don't mean it to be a judgement on anybody :icon_redf
I want the person to be very special to me. I cannot just simply have sex with someone who means nothing to me. I want to know that they care for me and aren't just doing it to satisfy their own libido and then let me shrivel up afterwards. I want something special.
Sometimes people just want sex. It's their own preference, just like mine is to have a romantic connection to the person, over sexual things.
I'm also another who has zero interest in one night stands/hook-ups/etc... ...but I guess I can see how someone could go for such - if they didn't have that want/need for an emotional/romantic connection (or meaningful relationship) before considering sex
I don't feel like you lose anything when you have sex. I've only slept with someone I was in a relationship with, but I don't think it would have been any less meaningful had I had casual sex before that. Sex doesn't strip away your morality or your capacity to love.
Quoted for truth. Not everyone may have much to gain, but I don't see how some people can, from my perspective, use their 'purity' to put themselves on a moral highground or whatever.
This, right here. I'm from northern New England. If I don't know you, don't come within two feet of me. And for the love of sunshine and kittens, don't you dare touch me. I can't imagine being purposefully vulnerable around a stranger. The trust thing isn't easy for me.
*shrug* I've done one-night stands and one-hour stands, and sex with guys where neither of us bothered to learn the others name. And I was, and continue to be, totally fine with that. Sex feels good and is really just fun with friction. I see no logic in treating it as if it is anything particularly special just because another human being is involved, nor do I consider it anything special as some expression of feelings or emotion. Sex with someone who I met 10min ago and sex with my partner of 16yrs are pretty much equivalent in my mind (although obviously my partner knows what I like a lot better). The things I love about my partner, and that make both him and my relationship with him special to me exist over and above (or beyond) mere sex. As far as morality is concerned, I don't believe in morality any more than I believe in the tooth fairy. I make it a point to leave such notions out of any serious decisions that I'm making or considering. My 2c worth, Todd