Ok, so last friday I happened to be cruising a gay dating app out of sheer boredom. Was just looking to chat, and I spotted this very cute 25 year old twinkish guy who seemed very charming and nice. I said hello, expecting nothing in return (as is the usual case on there with eye-candy guys).. And a few minutes later I get a message saying, "hey, wanna come over ". I say, "sure, want to go for some late-night food in your part of town"? He agrees. I get in my old van and go on a 20 minute drive over to his place at about 1 am in the morning... Get there, pick him up, we go have tea at the McD's in Walmart (haha, yes, it was still open that late!). Then I suggested that we part ways since the whole town/area had not much to offer in terms of a night-life. He invited me over to his place, just to show me around. (cough cough, hehe) Get to his place, he gives me a tour of his room and kitchen, we talk about politics and science (he's a bit of a geek)... And then a few hours later I say, "Oh ok, well i'm going to back home.. It was nice getting to know you." He gives me a warm hug, i reciprocate by doing the same and then kissing him on the neck. As soon as I do this, he french kisses me (leaving me stunned and in disbelief for a few seconds; how could such a sexy guy like ME of all people?!) , and we started making out, and it cascaded from there... Ended up getting naked and wild on his air mattress a few minutes later, and were doing all sorts of kinky fun stuff involving oral and butt-spanking and kissing and frotting (except for anal penetration)... We then both busted our nut around the same time, and were drenching in sweat and panting like dogs when we finished our little dalliance, lol. Then we dressed sort of awkwardly (without cleaning up), and he walked me out into the parking lot while lighting a cigarette to say good-bye. I asked to kiss him one more time on the cheek before I left, and he agreed--- but it was then that I noticed a fair bit of reluctance in his eyes. Then I texted him the morning after, asking if he was down to grab some food later, no response... I take it that his intent was for it to be a one-time wonder. Why did he sort of seduce me (well, i played a part in the seduction too) but then lose interest in going any further with me? Was he lying when he said "you're so cute" during our fun time together? Was he maybe just trying to score with a cub once to see what it's like to be with someone who is not his type? Was he put off by my small dick size? (his was 8 inches!) Did he decide that I'm too weird of a person to have any meaningful relationship or dating experience with? Is there any way I can find out the cause, without appearing too clingy/needy? I don't want to message him again, unless he messages first. Thoughts? ---------- Post added 3rd Feb 2013 at 10:53 PM ---------- Ugh, I get attached too easily. That's one of my weaknesses. We talked for only a few hours before the dirty deed followed in suit, but I got a good vibe from it all at the time.. sigh.
Was he actually gay? Could this have been him doing something spur of the moment and engaging further than even he thought he would and then he felt regret? I know you met him on gay dating thing but you never know. I don't think it has anything to do with you. I'd just tell him you had a good time and you aren't mad that he isn't responding and just let him know if he ever wants to get in touch with you he can.
My guess is that he was just looking for some fun, and he seems like a bit of a douche for not being direct about it. Also, eight inches is beyond the norm. That's just silly. I'd be pretty intimidated by that... By now, I have noticed pretty weird or bad behavior from guys on the internet dating scene, and all of it is characterized by a complete failure to communicate directly.
Umm no, he basically came out not long after I learned to tie my shoelaces. ---------- Post added 3rd Feb 2013 at 11:12 PM ---------- And yet in person he was complaining to me about how flakey and uptight people here are compared to San Diego, where he's from. Strange.
Dmack, i'll take your advice and message him just once more in a week (so that it doesnt seem too needy) with what you suggested. Thanks! And guys... I surprisingly dont feel broken over this. Just mildly bummed out and confuzzled.
Some guys just like a night of fun, once they got what they wanted the magic is over. That might not be the case here though, he could be just keeping his options open.
He was most likely just horny and wanted to get off. It sucks, but unless they stated otherwise, that is usually what people are looking for on those apps. Especially the ones that want to meet right away.
That's zero percent inconsistent. I just had a really negative experience with a guy who basically refused to contact me after our second date (nearly the entire duration of which he ignored me; and the worst part is I canceled a sure hookup for him too :rolle. His profile indicated that he was a guy who wanted to deal with real people who could keep a conversation and who were respectful. And guess what he didn't demonstrate to me? Respect.
Honestly part of the reason I'm not left feeling all that damaged this time around is that I'm fascinated by what makes people tick.. And this is just the latest example. ---------- Post added 3rd Feb 2013 at 11:33 PM ---------- I should clarify that the app was geared more towards hookups than solid dating. But his profile said "looking for friendships and relationship." Nothing more, nothing less.
Unfortunately I think it's a mistake to assume people you meet on hookup apps are actually interested in anything more than just a hookup. I don't know if maybe you left out any intermediate messages you two might have exchanged... but I think a clear warning sign should have been made clear if all you did was say hello and then a few minutes later he's saying to hookup. That sounds like a guy who was horny and just desperate to take advantage of the first guy who messaged him. If the guy wasn't interested in making the most basic of conversation to learn anything about you, and figure out whether you two might be compatible, then clearly he wasn't anticipating anything long-term developing. If the first thing the guy says to you is 'let's hookup', then it's obvious that there's only one thing on his mind. I've gone on a few hookup apps just for fun a few times, just to chat, and I would never even entertain someone whose first message was to go meet somewhere. Have patience, chat a bit, get a good read on them and what they are looking for. Of course I've never done a 'hook up' and never had any interest to. If you're more interested in a long-term relationship, have you considered joining a dating site instead? There'll still be people looking for hookups, but it's more conducive to getting to know people and really figure them out before going any further. I joined a dating site a few months ago and for months I've been chatting with certain people and getting to know them before I would even think of agreeing to meet. Hookups can be done on the fly, but developing real relationships can't be rushed like that.
"Looking for friendships and relationships." Is usually code for: "I just wanna hookup, but still feel good about myself because I'm looking for other things... sort of."
Rakkaus. No, he didnt hint directly at anything physical before we met. But yeah, i should have known better. ---------- Post added 3rd Feb 2013 at 11:37 PM ---------- You think so?
I'm still learning the code that people use on these sites, but I think it's pretty much that case that "looking for friendships and relationship" is more like "I want a hookup, but I'm more cautious than the average bear."
If his first message to you was "hey, wanna come over " then ya that's kinda a clear indicator that he's inviting you to have quickie sex.
But that was counter-balanced by his profile summary being a 3-paragraph synopsis of how he's a "responsible independent-minded adult looking to befriend and socialize with other hardworking, ambitious adults." :/