Hello I kinda got a question in my situation I’m about to post. 3 nights ago I was having a few beverages and was chatting with a guy through email. Most of the emails were 1 liners back and forth. My responses were things like I never done this before, I can’t meet wife tracks me, I want to so bad but never did anything with a guy. Well I ended up falling asleep and wife found my phone I never signed out of email. She took pictures of inbox. Idk if she read any of them or not the pictures she had were all the inbox page. I’ve been nervious anxious and embarrassed. I deleted the photos on her phone so she knows I know she knows. Her vibe has been normal shocking and she also kisses me and touches me the same way when going to work or when we are in the car together holding hands. She has quite a few times over the past 4-5 years started telling me when guys would check me out. It was as recent as a month ago before the email thing. Any insight any one ever experience something similar. I am stressed enough now this on my plate. And good advise would be helpful P.S new to this forum Thanks
Preface: total speculation here , i wouldn't presume to advise, especially with so little knowledge about you, but will share my thoughts. To me it reads like your wife has "known" about your attraction to men, perhaps before even you admitted it to your self? The fact that she has pointed out when guys are checking you out for 4-5 years? How often does that happen and what is your response? Sort of an aside here. my experience is that many (most?) guys are really poor communicators, especially when talking about emotional communication. Research noted by scientists like neuropsychiatrist Louann Brizendine M.D. in her books The Female Brain and The Male Brain, points some of this out, and how females are more wired towards communication. Not that guys can't learn how to communicate, but the deck is stacked against males. Early on culture conditions that "males are rational, females are emotional. It's not true, guys have emotions, we are just conditioned against acknowledging them, so they're there and affecting us and we're often ignorant about what's going on. They do not teach self awareness in school. They do not teach how to communicate self awareness in school. Louann hints that the gay male brain is different in a chapter in her The Male Brain book (pgs 133-135), but so far. i suspect we'll discover there's a spectrum for that too. All that to say, you aren't communicating with your wife lol. She knows. You know she knows. She knows you know she knows and seems to be sending you reassuring signals? Since it is already out there, why not talk about it? Yes, i know, it's hard, awkward, you are "anxious and embarrassed." But it's also an opportunity to connect on a more intimate level with someone who seems to love and accept you (i.e., your wife). Not talking about it sort of maintains an illusion. Not only is this no longer under the rug, it's sort of the elephant in the room.
Tanner…..Hello and a big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent! ) when that becomes necessary! This is a safe community of loving, caring and very supportive people and we will do our best to help you blend into the community. *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out, join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. When I first joined Empty Closets I was in need of a lot of support and encouragement and I found it here…EC is a safe place. I hope that you'll find good things here too! Folks here will talk to you and share...you don't have to be afraid of asking questions...we're glad to have you! Empty Closets is all about making connections and giving LGBTQ folks a voice when they otherwise don't have one in their day-to-day lives. *****In particular you may want to check out the forum that is titled "Sexual Orientation”, there are people there who may have dealt with some of the same kind of issues that could be challenging you. I really do think that the advice that @tallslenderguy gave you is really right on. Give what he said some serious consideration. Some info on how to navigate EC: When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something”. When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. Only A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) and then only to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can send me a Private Message as you can always send a staff member a Private Message. …..David
