Hi guys first post here im bisexual and am quite masculine, I am also quite new to guys and am very much into more femme younger "Twink" types. recently I have been getting urges to bottom and really want to try it but am finding it very hard to find more femme younger guys who want to top a stocky masculine guy like me..... has anyone else had issues finding partners that want to switch the gender roles?
I haven't found issues yet... but it was a situation that my then boyfriend and I had to face. He was more "feminine", and I played the "manly" role. We didn't talk about that, but we both silently agreed that I had to be the top. And, suddenly, when the moment came... I wasn't able. It was a surprise for both of us, and he had to take the dominant role unexpectedly. That showed me something: I prefer being the bottom, despite being labeled as "masculine". And it feels great!
that's awsome u were able to bottom. im just struggling to find more femme guys who wanna top hah, whenever I bring up the topic of be bottoming the subject changes.
To me the crux of this is trying to fit everyone into categories of "masculine" or "feminine" and assigning those to gender, Instead, i think words, labels should be a starting place, not an ending place. Use words/labels as tools of communication in an ongoing process of identifying who and how we are, not some static place or role we are assigned by heteronormative society and must conform to in order to qualify for acceptance and affirmation. i think one should question why they impose or feel shame on a guy who defines as "bottom" even if it is defined as feminine or a more commonly female attribute... or vice versa. A woman who defines as "Top" even if it is defined as masculine or more commonly a male attribute. I think the issue is in treating one or the other as superior or inferior, when really they are expression of what occurs naturally and each can balance the other in symbiosis: opposites that attract and bond. We don't look at an atom and judge an electron as inferior to a proton, why do we do that with more complex human expressions of nature?
Not all that relevant but on a similar theme, I hooked up with a girl I met online who was ‘curious’ quite a few years ago now, and we saw each other for a few months just casually. We did all the usual stuff and it was good, she got really into it. A few times she had mentioned strapons so I thought why not? And bought one. It was my first time using one and for me it was fine, I put it on and did the deed, it felt a little strange but I got kinda into it in the moment. It’s never really become something I feel like I ‘need’ to do but if I’m with a woman and she is eager for it, it is a turn on and sort of puts me in a different place mentally. Anyway, after she had had enough, I was like “right, your turn to wear it now” and she was really taken aback, said “no way, I just couldn’t, it’d be so weird” and all those things. I tried to persuade her but she was having none of it. I really didn’t understand her complete refusal, it wasn’t even that she was just reluctant it was an outright no way, never. She was very happy doing other things to me and wasn’t a pillow princess at all, so that wasn’t it. So I don’t think it’s just guys that don’t always want to swap ends. To me it feels weird not to want to try something different, just in case you like it. That’s how I’ve always been in life. But I guess it’s not for everyone?
top and bottom have little to do with being masculine or feminine. it's jus about what one enjoys. it's more about feelings and sensations than being more feminine. I think also that's transcirbing hetero sex onto gay sex. Women "take" and men " give", but it's not the same in gay sex. I like to bottom mostly, and it's not because I enjoy being more feminine. It's just because it's what I enjoy physically.
I understand that you just replying what you think it all means, but I'm just adding my own two cents. This is a misconseption. The idea that women take and men give is a stereotype. It's deeply rooted into traditional values. In gay relationships it oversimplifies the dynamic of the relationship. In reality it's just not simply give and take, but it should be all equal. If someone just takes and takes and never gives something to their partner too, then it's in my opinion not a good relationship and can end up becoming toxic. It goes for straight and also gay relationships.
I find the whole idea silly, you should do what is pleasurable and stimulating to you and forget about what other people think about sexual roles.
That's not at all what I meant. Women obviously have vaginas and men have penises. therefore, women do literally take and men give. So people do transcribe that physical reality into gay sex. A bottom isn\t more feminine than the top.
This brought to mind something that pushes some of my buttons: Gay Total Top 'shemales,' and throw in a little dom for extra measure. i'm a 'gay total bottom with a bit of sub,' and am naturally attracted Gay Total Tops. Add in the 'right' kind of "Dom" and more buttons get pushed. Add in "shemale" or some attribute that is 'normatively' associated one way but presents opposite, and i'm aroused even more. i have my theories as to why, but there is a decided deeper psychological connection there for me and the person i am with (otherwise, it's a no go for me). Lots of complexity, lots of layers with me and the person to whom i correspond.
More thoughts.... To me, things that qualify as "feminine" and "masculine" are on a spectrum too, and there's infinite variation and presentation. "Normative" culture is conditioned and conditioning in more black or white terms. i believe my wiring is somewhere in the between male/female, masculine/feminine.... but normative culture looks at me (and many others) in "binary" terms and then defines those overtly, but i also think a lot of those "terms" and "notions" are subtle... just assumed because so much has been conditioned in us culturally. Much of it is part of our emotions. Plus, we find we have to borrow normative words and try to fit them to us because there simply are not always terms to describe "different." For instance, while i know i physically have a penis, i relate to it more like a clitoris. And, of course, it's not that either. i'm not 100% what 'normally' passes as male or masculine, and not 100% of what 'normally' woman or feminine either. i identify as a guy, i do not identify as a trans person. i am psychologically a guy with a "vagina" and a "clitoris" (for lack of other words... well, actually, when a guy calls what i hav a "pussy" and a "clit," He owns me lol). i shut down when a Man is purposely mean or bullying, so tone has a lot to with my response. The same words used with different tones can either attract or repel me. Where i'm going here is some Tops see me as Their ideal of feminine, and others do not. Out in the 'normal' world, no one seems to see me as feminine, i have to tell people i'm gay. There are words that a Guy can use with me that the normative world would identify as feminine, woman. i don't see myself as a woman, but a guy with parts that are often identified as "woman" and/or "feminine." i think many have similar things about us that conflict because were really are ______________, but we, and most of society, is conditioned to where they do not see us as we are. So, when someone who corresponds to us, has chemistry (a "Top" to my "bottom" over simply put), and He smiles and tells me He wants my "pussy," the programming in me against that may cause me to blush, or feel embarrassed, or some other negatively programmed emotion. At the same time i am aroused and attracted because He sees me, wants me and affirms me at the same time. i think this is true about a lot of the feelings we may have as people different from 'the norm."
Not always so yeah. My statement still stands. It is very complex like said above and not everyone fit the same mold. This is generalizing. Tops can be more feminine than bottom and vice versa. This only takes into accounts tops and bottoms, but there are much more variety, like switches, transpeople and so on for example.
I suspect what i said offended you. tbh, i don't care. I actually agree with your gist, but then if you want to "flex", find somebody else. I'm not sure why me merely being here bothers you. everybody else with a cutety smile or being the right looks/race can. maybe adjust your brain so you follow the norm. as in all can come in here. funny how "society" has to follow what YOU say. what a lack of adult-level comprehension/life skills.
I don't care. people can be and do as they please. seems some people spoilt/mislead you. if i bother you, and not others when their conduct is exact, that's a you problem.
I'm just saying how it all seemed like to me. I have absolutely nothing against you. I'm merely trying to educate, that it's all much more complex, than people tend to think. I'm sorry, but the norm is overrated. I never fit in the mold. Mostly felt alienated, because I don't fit in the norm. I refuse to follow traditional ways, because it has felt nothing more than restricting and there is no freedom in it.
????? You don't "bother" me in the least. i was just adding to the conversation. None of it was directed at you. i just quoted you because what you wrote made me think of that stuff. cheers
