My Mom and Aunts are Stressing Me Out

I'm nervous I'm going to get into debt or screw it up somehow. Terrified of debt, that's a huge reason I never went back to school (besides being kidnapped). Another thing that terrifies me is getting fired, I tend to run late a lot- I've become a lot better about that but still have my moments. I usually like my job too, I'll have decent insurance when full time- really depending on that for surgery down the line and hrt and therapy. I think it's my anxiety taking the unknown and demonizing it.

I also worry about my dog and his behavior- he barks a lot at night (coyotes and other wildlife are about around here), he's never stepped paw in a house (only the vet), he seems unaware he's a giant, likes to chase moving tires, and he doesn't have the best track record with other unfamiliar dogs/animals (despite having been raised with another dog). On the positive side he's very smart (almost too smart), and likes people (especially children). We're making progess, I have a long way to go training him.



Long story short, transition and freedom excite me but the cost and actions required scare me

 

No idea, but if I had to guess it's because they want me to have kids and a husband like all the rest of the women in my family. I'm the last single one on that side. Most of my cousins were married and pregnant by my age. What they don't realize is I'm actually a man, and though I have the parts the thought of getting pregnant is a major dysphoria trigger for me. If I think about it too long I start to panic. If it ever happened I'd have to be tied down to carry to term so I wouldn't harm myself. I also have autism, and having been treated the way I have because of it I couldn't have kids without some major guilt- autism is eighty percent heritable if one parent has it.

 

I'm not quite sure how to own my pain rather than let it own me, but the rest makes sense. I do have a lot of trouble taking care of myself, but I need to try to do better. As for fighting back, that has consequences so the best way to do that is escape I think. I need to start finding effective ways to fight through my anxiety though- it's been getting in my way, especially lately.

I may look into one for buying gas, a friend told me that was really the easiest way to build credit fast. Buy it then pay it off quickly. That's the best place I can think of- Walmart wouldn't be hard to build credit with either probably. I'll try there next.

Who I'm moving in with is a trusted friend, I'm just worried with inflation I won't be able to afford it all. This is where my anxiety really had me by the throat last night. I make about $14 an hour, which isn't terrible but could be a lot better. I also have a large dog to feed- his healthy weight is 110 pounds. With a dog comes vet bills and supplies to take care of him (I already have things like a leash, collars, muzzle, harness, brush, grooming glove, etc.). Somewhere near a dog park and on the ground floor is going to be a must on my list for an apartment/duplex. Whatever I can afford that would be a good fit for us all, just going to have to be very good at budgeting.