so yeah, i’m questioning. i don’t know what identify as and it’s messing with me. i’m AFAB, but the idea of being a boy just seems… i don’t know how to describe it. good, maybe? i don’t really feel gender dysphoria but the idea of being perceived a boy just seems good? but also, being seen as androgynous seems good too? i don’t know. mainly, i’m scared i’m just delusional and cis and undermining actual trans people and their experiences.
Welcome to EC. I think your experience is unique to you and trans people or other groups have no place or bearing on who you are or what you do. Your journey and existence is in no way demeaning or undermining other LGBT groups. If you actually come to the conclusion your cis or straight then it's Perfectly fine. No harm no fowel. You're all good and try not to overthink it. To question is to be human. I think there for I'am.
falcons…..I usually catch people when they make their first post in the "Welcome Lounge" but I missed you there, so I'll catch back up to you here! …..Hello and a big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent! ) when that becomes necessary! This is a safe community of loving, caring and very supportive people and we will do our best to help you blend into the community. *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out, join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. When I first joined Empty Closets I was in need of a lot of support and encouragement and I found it here…EC is a safe place. I hope that you'll find good things here too! Folks here will talk to you and share...you don't have to be afraid of asking questions...we're glad to have you! Empty Closets is all about making connections and giving LGBTQ folks a voice when they otherwise don't have one in their day-to-day lives. Some info on how to navigate EC: When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can always send me a Private Message. …..David
falcons.....Now that the "Official" greeting is done, I can get on to other things. You are the master of your identity. It's not unusual for a persons sexuality to not become very clear until your are a bit older. Of course some people know early...I had pretty good hints that I was gay even when I was young but I didn't really understand it until I was about 18 years old. Whether you decide that you feel more comfortable as a boy or as androgynous is your choice and it will not have any kind of negative affect on the trans community. They will most likely welcome you! I would advise you to take your time to understand yourself. That's something that very few people actually do. Looking inward and learning about who you really are and reaching a place where you accept and love who you are no matter what you find when you look inside. Remember this...you are a part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care about you! Please keep us updated, we do want to help in any way that we can. Also...I have a cat named Biscuit! She is a gray short hair. She sleeps in my office most of the day. However, if I get on a phone call at my desk, she loves to jump up on the desk and wants to "play" right at that moment! You can see pictures of here in my album here on EC. I like you pics of George! Tell me about George if you want to. .....David
Some trans folks just know they are not their assigned gender from an early age. But apparently not all trans people are like this. Maybe it’s puberty that makes them uncomfortable, which makes them realize they are different. Some people only realize they are trans after reading an article about transgender and so on. Others go through years of questioning. Most cis people do not question their gender, although it’s not impossible for them to do so. As I see it, they actively like being the gender they were assigned at birth. I suggest you ask yourself deep inside your heart what gender you actually feel regardless of gender stereotypes or the gender you are currently perceived by the society.
I didn't know transpeople existed at all. I felt most amazing euphoria, when imagining myself as a guy, what not everyone experiences and after that it was just like all the puzzle piezes fit into plaze, when I traced all of my experiences back to my kindergarten days. I didn't felt any dysphoria in the begginning. I just knew something felt very wrong. I was shaking inside and crying and when I saw myself from a mirror I saw that my body wasn't mine. My eyes were, but my body wasn't. It terrified me. Reading others experiences here was what kind of helped to bring me to accept it all. I accept it, but hate it. I pretty much have had no other choice, but to accept, because my dysphoria does get this bad and only transitioning is what can help. Not even trying to be gender neutral were something that helped. It only caused me panic attacks, because it made me think about being stuck in this body forever.
Sometimes it's difficult to distinguish what the difference is between mild or common discomfort with your body and medical gender dysphoria. It's often a difference between these two like how it's a difference between sadness and depression, fear and anxiety etc. Therefor it's common for people to go to doctors, gender therapists and other professionals to help them figure it out. Examples on common discomfort with your own body is when an AFAB think "I wish I never experienced periods" and a AMAB thinks "I wish I didn't lose my hair". These minor comforts can be experienced by both cis, trans and non-binary people. Everyone can be unhappy with certain parts of their body and experiences without it meaning you have gender dysphoria. Medical gender dysphoria, the diagnosis, is more severe. It feels like you either miss a gendered body part that should be there, have a body part that feels foreign and that it affects your daily life to an extreme degree. For example causing depression, anxiety, you aren't able to recognize yourself when looking in the mirror and that you thinks changing your body or medically transitioning is life saving. The symptoms usually starts from an early age. Many trans people that I know have these experiences. Gender dysphoria is mostly about the biological sex characteristics like genitalia, breasts, body hair, voice, facial features etc. Although gender roles and the way you are perceived by other people may play a role, the most crucial part for being diagnosed with medical gender dysphoria is about the biological sex characteristics. There are many tomboys and feminine boys that grows up breaking gender roles without experiencing gender dysphoria, and most of them are cisgender people. Most transgender people (especially trans men and trans women) experienced discomfort with their biological sex characteristics. Trans men, for example, wants male genitalia because they feels they lacks the body part and is supposed to have them. So it's not about life being easier as a man and male privilege. I recommend you seeing a specialist in gender dysphoria. They may help you figure it out.
As Littavhvert said, it's more to do with your relationship with your body than the way you are perceived. That plays a role too, but at its core it's about how you feel about yourself when alone. I can only talk from experience, and I fully support that you go to a gender specialist to figure yourself out without judgement that "you're appropriating the trans community". This is a serious question that you're asking yourself, regardless of what the answer will be. The way I experienced it though was a sense of wrongness ever since puberty started. My personality was never hyper masculine, but mimicking that seemed to ease my discomfort. It felt like my body wasn't mine, that I was living someone else's life. My skin felt like it was suffocating me, a similar feeling as when you're wearing wet and tight clothes and you're overly conscious about where the cloth touches you. At 16-17 I discovered what being trans was and that discomfort became more clear, and more targeted at specific body parts. It was then that I also became conscious of the discomfort of being perceived as female, because I knew people only did that because they could see my female body; I didn't want anyone around me to see me, ever. Had a time when I felt too anxious to leave the house because of that. All that said, transitioning wasn't "life saving" for me, but it definitely improved my life. My discomfort was definitely noticeable, but it didn't impact my life that much; just that I was always aware something was wrong. Like when you have someone constantly poking your ribs with a stick, day and night. I too felt like I was appropriating the trans community, because I didn't have it as hard as others. So try to think of yourself in a void, and how you feel about yourself without letting outside forces influence your perception of yourself. How do you think of yourself in 5-10 years? And again, definitely consider talking to a specialist.
One thing I'd like to mention is that dysphoria or euphoria are not required. It's only required by some establishments to have a diagnosis of gender dysphoria if you wish to transition. In my country it's required to have transsexualism diagnosis from a psychiatrist, but it's no longer a mental health issue, it's just who your true self is. So this all is outdated. I do reccomend doing your own research as well. It's enough, if you feel like something don't match up, so talking to the therapist at first would be good, so you could analyze your feelings. Sometimes gender dysphoria developes later. I didn't feel any at first. Some never tradition medically, only socially, so that's an option too. There is a lot of toxic mindsets out there and misinformation. Gender clinics are not available everwhere either and with therapy too it can get expensive, but if you can I'd really suggest seeing a specialist on the matter.
