Burnout and mental health

I've been burned out for quite some time now, but I didn't really see it.

I've been dealing with topics I have no qualification for. I have some experience, but no qualification. I often missed that training, especially when it comes to how to deal with suicide topics, but also self harm, eating disorders and ocd.

Dealing with suicide topic almost made me unable to help anyone else. It caused me severe anxiety and panic attacks.

I'm also a caregiver at home. I do things usually nurses here do. While I do have 2 years worth of training and work experience from working in an intensive care unit in being a caregiver, but even then there are times, where I feel lost. I do remember we did have some training when it comes to mental health and suicide topic. We were told some really horrific stories, when I was a student from how things were in a psychiatric ward and people who work there get self defence training. Working in an intensive care gave me a lot of experience and I saw a lot. There were patients who sometimes used their fists or spat on your face. In a hospital you have an entire team behind you, so you're not too alone.

All the difficult topics I've been dealing with made me feel really alone. There are other places I helped people with beside here in the forum. I think I took too much onto myself. I just felt good after someone have told me that I have helped them. I feel it's good for my soul overall.

I do have sleep disorders and I tend to binge eat.

My gp asked, whether I wanted to be referred to mental health nurse, but I refused then. I'm already seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist. She problably asked, because I got emotional after she asked about how things are at home. I might actually let her refer me. I'm just not sure if it's worth it.

First of all I need to take care of myself. I've always thought withouth health you can't do anything.

I have noticed how self care does make me feel better, like being outside and dealing with my hobbies. I feel I need more structure and stability to my life, what I don't have right now.

Everyone who reads it: please take care of yourselves and your mental health. If you don't even try, then there is a 0% chance, but if you do try then you will increase your chance. Even little chance is better, than no chance.

 

Yes. Now I just need to figure out how to get out of this burnout and gain more energy. I'm going to try and be more mindful about it all.

 

I think part of it was that I didn't know what support I needed, but I know now. Therapy does help me here, but I also need something else what therapy can't offer.

I do need that social interaction and have friends. Right now I have a friend I have no need to reconnect with, because we get along well, but get rarely together, because she is busy and someone else I don't want to reconnect with, because they really hurt me (she's the reason who caused me to have panic attacks, when it comes to suicide topics) I've always been on my own, though I'd love to interact with people. It's why I talk to others here so much. With some people here I've become friends with we just have walls of texts and I can talk about anything. I don't have people who understand me like this in real life, so I become really lonely.

Everything else I try to do, but the social part is the hardest to do, since also anxiety prevents me from making friends and deeper connections.

 

Can't, both my cousins live, study and work in our capital city now. There are more opportunities there and both of them have boyfriends now.

Once uni and work training starts I will have more chances to be social. My work training will be at a theme park here. I also think I will be much happier, when the weather starts to get warmer.

 

I wanted to make a little disclaimer.

If you who I have helped reads this and blames themselves, then it's not you're fault. My burnout is mine to deal with and not your responsibility or fault. I took on too much all on my own accord. Many of you have told me I helped you and like I said it made me feel happy. Don't blame yourselves.

 

Thank you. I will. I got tomorrow both psychologist and psychiatrist appointment, so I get to talk about it all too.

 

Psychiatrist wrote me medicine to support and calm my nerves and to try and sleep better. I didn't want sleeping pills because I'm afraid of having trouble getting up in the mornings then. I don't take anxiety meds, because I can do withouth them and psychiatrist knows. I told him that the one he wrote last time caused me to have a sideeffect headache.

 

I thought I'd give a little bit of an update.

I do feel much better lately, this new med does help with my sleep. It's not really a sleeping aid, but helps with things like bipolar, but in smaller doses it does help with sleep.

I feel much more in balance with my moods. I can control more my emotions too. I've been better at keeping my boundaries. I have more work to do with myself, but there is progress, what I'm happy about. I still get upset and stuff, but it's normal. I do tend to cry a lot, but I can calm myself down.

I'm starting to get more clarity what my issues are and what I need.

I found out thanks to my neurologist, that I might have Ehrles-Danlos Syndrome. I'm going to try and get the diagnosis. It already explains a lot of things. I can relate to others about some of the symptoms.

Being in pain was what didn't let me sleep. I also have very flexible bones, where I can stuff with them, that others would be and have been suprised about. My muscles tend to do more work thanks to this syndrome and I have fell down before out of the blue and it's one of my big fears that my legs stop working, while on errands and I fall down in public. I also think my digestive issues are present thanks to this syndrome, since it is one of the things it affects.