okay so i have this friend (also lesbian, like me) and we have gotten very close this year. like super close. we both say that we are each others "person" and we make jokes about dating, getting married, and stuff like that. everyone we know thinks we are dating because we are very affectionate: we are always holding hands and napping on each other and hugging and stuff. at the start of the year we made it clear we didn't like each other, but now i have developed feelings for her. she has previously said she doesn't like me like that, but i just am not sure. we are going to prom together and today she kissed my hand 2 times and left her lipstick stains. is there a chance here????
That's tough when romantic and platonic lines blur like that. But since you both established your relationship is just friends, then she may just be more comfortable blurring the lines even more now. How exactly did it go down when you established your feelings as just friends and deciding to go to prom together?
well we've joked about being in a relationship but mainly it was us asking the other "what would you do if i confessed feelings for you" and her response from a while ago was that she'd let me down gently. that much was clear but it confuses me when she randomly says that she wants to date me (she has very deadpan humor so i chalk it up to that) and also that she said she feels sort of jealous when i find other girls cute. i also joke that im going to ask her out and a few times she said if i asked at the right time she'd say yes for a bit, but again she is most probably joking. about prom, it was kinda established that we will go together. we are even matching our nails and asking each other. i initially didn't wanna go to prom she insisted i come because she wants me there.
In that case I would suggest 2 approaches. 1. Tell her that if you're not serious about dating then don't make jokes and jealous remarks. It is just blurring the lines too far and becoming very confusing for you. 2. The next time she does make a relationship joke or remark, then call her bluff and press your advantage. Cool we're dating now, I'm glad you said it first. If she starts to back track and pull away then flirtatiously tease her heavily. Something like, (you're saying one thing but I don't actually think that is what you want - or you can't keep throwing out these mixed signals without any repercussions.) She'll either eat it up or stop doing that kinda stuff. If she really is into you then she obviously won't make the first move. From my perspective she is just playing games with you and keeps on changing the rules to try to indirectly influence you to make the first move. That is why I'am more attracted to men lol. There are way more direct.
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Hey that’s a really tough one. I think perhaps you could just be honest and say that the closeness that has developed in your friendship has led you beginning to get feeling for her. You could say that you respect the fact she doesn’t feel like that about you but perhaps at least for the moment you need to set some boundaries so that your feelings don’t get out of control.
okay update: we have started kissing on the hands and shoulders and arms and even the forehead and cheeks. i really dont want to ruin this friendship by confessing to her, because it wont be the same if i ask for space from her. when i make jokes about her refusing to date me, she always says "well ID date you" and i really just cannot tell anymore. i also know everything she has done w me (all the physical affection and the kisses) she has never done with anyone else before.
@riddhi If someone just stops being your friend just because you confessed then it's not really a friendship. Things might just be akward for a while and that's it. It's quite obvious from your text that you both like each other. I wouldn't touch and kiss someone I would dislike. I would rather try and stay away from them. Just go and confess already.
Stop beating around the bush and kiss her already, it sounds like that's what she really wants. Someone has to make the first move!
I'm not trying to rain on your parade but I have let things get that blurry before and it always ends up terribly complicated and blows up in my face. Sometimes I actually liked the girl and other times I only wanted to be friends. Because their intentions came off as ambiguous, that confusion led me to doubt myself and kept me in limbo. However, they were the ones jeopardizing the friendship not me. And I should have set clear-cut boundaries myself, instead of agreeing to theirs when they had no intention of following them. So it's partly my fault walking into a one way street. From my experience when girls act like this and blur the lines, 2 outcomes occur. 1. They are afraid for any # of reasons to confess their true intentions and make commitments, (which possibly may be because they are unaware or are in self denial about it). Yet they'll still play around and share affection feinting that it's all Platonic. The more this goes on the more blurry the lines will get. Both of you will develop totally different view points and expectations. The complicated and confusing nature of the relationship will only ramp up the expectations and resentment when they are not met. 2. They're just using you to selfishly meet their emotional needs and wants, (whether they're bored or to occupy their time) until they find an actual relationship.Your only purpose was to give them attention and everything you thought you had together was a lie. Or you were just a practice dating dummy to them. Regardless either way you're getting jerked around and forced to adhere to their ambiguous whims. So call the bluff and make your move, call her out and establish clear-cut boundaries, or don't entertain her shenanigans and move on. I touched on this in the last post I sent you on this thread.
