People really expect me to believe that it will get better. It's been months and I still didn't have a single entire day that was alright, I barely get like an hour or two when I'm good, all the other time is a fucking nightmare. "You can go trough this", "it will get better", yeah right, it's getting sooo much better, it's only been 5 times I wanted to kill myself compared to 0 that was before, it's getting much better maybe I'll even start hurting myself more than before so it's sooo much better. I'm so happy being stuck like this and always listening to my parents telling me to get a girlfriend and to go to the gym and to become a man one day. It won't get better for me and accept that fact, stop telling me lies
I'm very sorry for you Ognjen. It must be very difficult to go through such a hard process in Serbia. I wish I could be more helpful. I send you a big hug and I'm really sorry for not being much helpful. (*hug*)
Hi, I think that you are in a situation were your hands are tied behind your back by your parents, as am I. This might be hard to take, but you can't do much about your situation until you move out, and attempting to do so before you do will only get you to worse places. I know how damn much it hurts, but that's no reason to give up on your hopes of transitioning. It's four years to bear like this, and then you're free to do whatever you want and you can finally be yourself. We're all here to support and be here for you through it, and you can definitely make it. It may look like a lot, it sure as hell is a lot, but the profit largely outweighs the cost. I'm in a similar situation to yours, and if I can do this, you can as well. Just put one foot in front of the other and push through until you are free. As another user, Chillton wrote, "put your thoughts on the backburner." Don't let them get in your way and just forget them until you can deal with them later. Please do believe that when people write this they mean no offence to you; they only want to help you and make you feel better, they mean no harm. You feel like no one understands how much pain you are going through, but people really do. They say it will get better because it did for them, and it will for you. It sadly won't take months, but years. All in all, take whatever you would like from my message, read it with a grain of salt though; after all I'm only fourteen and more experienced people will reply. rRmember that we're always here for you. . Just don't ever give up.
Exactly this. It all unfortunaly takes time. You right now are young and you're dependant on your family. When you get older you won't be as dependant anymore. You will hopefully have a chance to attend university or work what offers you more opportunities than you have right now. We say it all gets better, because of life experience we have. I was suicidal myself for 2 years. It was passive, but not any less serious. I got help from the psychiatrist and medication. Now I'm off from the medication, though I still attend therapy regurarly and also go to my psychiatrist appointment time to time. I'm out of the closet and I'm slowly moving there, where I need to get. I got rid of the depression and moving towards being true to myself, so things did got better. You do need therapy too. I don't know how accessible it is in Serbia though, this is something you need to find out about. You could ask about it from your gp or if your school has a good and trustworthy councellor then it would be very good already. I was using this opportunity in uni. I could talk and also talk about any study problems too. When you don't feel comfortable telling about stuff first you can try and see first how you click with your therapist and how trustworthy they are. When I started my psychiatrist knew nothing about transgender people, but looked into it. I had no clue about whether they were lgbt+ friendly or not. My psychiatrist helped with getting a psychologist.
I know people telling you things will get better or it will all work out in the end, sounds like hollow words to you. It's unfair and it's not the advice any of us would like to share or hear, but it's the reality we must all face regardless, if we like it or not. Trust me even though we have the luxury of hindsight by being older is both a blessing and a curse. The world is unfair and unfortunately that is the truth. We all wish we could give you unequivocal advice that can fix anything. The world isn't black or white but a varying proportions of grey. The only advice we can give is showing you how to survive in this world. It's ugly, unfair, unforgiving, chaotic, and unrelenting. We have survived through this pain and we are trying to show you how to fight and accept that pain. You must survive so you can live. You must do both. I'm sorry the world sucks, and you're hurting yourself, and you want to die. I wish I could make it all better and save you but I'm powerless to do so. All I can do, is share my experiences and show you how to survive and fight and accept all the ugly and beautiful pieces of this world. What you're going through and challenges you face are unfair and you don't deserve it. You will face many more challenges in life and it will throw you many unexpected curve balls. And yes life will get better once you become more independent and have more control over your life. Accept that you are powerless to change certain things in your life, but by that same token take control and over the things you do have power over. You can work towards the goal of going to your dream school, you can plan out what you want to do in life, grow and prepare and research what you need to know when it comes time to transition, find and join LGBT communities, work towards getting a car to be more independent and go to the places you want, discover yourself and the person you want to become, ask yourself the hard questions, figure out and explore what the world can offer you in the future. I'll wrap it up so this thread doesn't drag on forever. But when I was younger I faced many challenges and had no one to turn to or even ask for help. I prayed for death every day and was all alone and shut myself away while life passed me by. If I had the courage to fight and work toward my future instead, then my life would be completely different. I hated and loathed who I was, but I never tried to love who I could become.
I am sorry your family and community are not supportive, and often “It gets better” really means “I must get to a better situation.” Even in past decades when many countries criminalized homosexuality, LGBT+ people figured out ways to survive. Don’t wait on everyone else to change their mind: most straight people choose to be homophobic out of ignorance and often not knowing anyone who is out of the closet. The two main ways to survive homophobia are physical and financial independence, which means having a safe place to live and a job. If you are still a student, then it is important to focus on your studies so you can either go to university or other training for the job you want. It’s also important to build a network of friends who support LGBT+ rights. I agree going to therapy is good for depression (make sure they are also allies), and I know this may be very difficult in your area. Depression and anxiety often come from the people you interact with, so the more you can spend time with supportive people, the better. Actually, even just going to the gym can help if you are away from family. The more you have space to yourself, the more you can breath and focus on goals.
You have received some great suggestions above, and I really encourage you to think about what everyone has been saying. While your life is filled with challenges at the moment, always remember that it will not be always like this. As you go through life, you will have moments that will not be easy and other moments you will overcome with ease because of your life experiences. I encourage you to try reaching out to someone who is closer to you, whom you can connect with when you need to let things out of your system as it were. There is a support line, with a toll free number in Serbia. I don't know if you have come across them, or have already reached out to them, but it might be worthwhile to call Centar Srce in Novi Sad. While they might be located in a different city and further away from you, they might still be able to provide you with some support. I know that Serbia is not the most accepting and welcoming place for LGBTQ+ persons and that many hurdles remain, but there is support and a community that is there to help. Calling the helpline might be the start for getting support and not feeling so alone in all of this. Know that there is support and that you have people in your life that care about you.
I understand that pain, though I am the other side of it being a trans man. My parents kidnapped me from college four years ago and I'm still stuck here. Things are getting closer to unbearable than they've ever been, I've been thinking too much about ending it, but I know there are people on the outside waiting for me that I met here. That future waiting for you is better than where you sit in life now- waiting is incredibly difficult, I know, but you can get there. It may take everything you've got in you though, such may be the price. The price for my future is almost everything and almost everyone I've ever known. It's never easy, especially in Serbia I'm sure, just bide your time and make plans for your escape.
