Hello everyone, as you have read, this is the third time that I have had problems with my identity and feel insecure about who I am. When I was 17 years old I left home and began to feel like a woman and decided to start my hormone treatment since I was alone and had a job with which I could pay for my treatment. I was able to receive hormones for approximately 4 months until I decided to tell my friends. parents, but my mother did not take it in the best way and I received rejection from her to the point that she told me to never return to my town because it would be a shame for my family. I must confess that it was very frustrating because I was alone and only had the support of a friend who was also starting her transition but she lived in Europe so we could only communicate sometimes by video call. For my birthday my parents told me to return home to celebrate with them and while there they convinced me to stay at home again and since I didn't have a job I had to stop my hormone treatment and give up my transition. While at home I still had doubts about who I was and sometimes when I was alone at home I would dress up in my mother's clothes and shoes and I would start walking around my house feeling like a woman and I really enjoyed it a lot, I also took advantage of when it was Halloween to dress up. as a woman and go out into the street because she felt that it was the only day where she could be one without having society's prejudices. 8 years passed in which, although I sometimes felt doubts about myself, I did nothing and continued with my life as a man because that was how I was born and I believed that that was how it had to be. But again I felt doubts and the need to be who I really wanted to be and again I started my hormonal treatment, this time with more confidence because I was of age, I could pay for my treatment and I got to the point of having a nose surgery and liposuction to feminize my body. At that point I thought I was sure of what I wanted and that I was going to achieve it, but unfortunately I deviated from my goal and started doing things I shouldn't and consuming substances that made me lose focus and stop my transition again. It was a difficult time where I lost control of my life for a little over a year until I had the opportunity to come live in the United States. Here I have met someone who is currently my boyfriend and with whom I live, after some time living together having couple conversations I realize that he is attracted to trans girls and he told me that it would be his dream if his partner transitioned to his side to live the entire process by your side. After thinking about it a lot, I told him my story and that he had tried it before and we have had several conversations where he tells me that if I want to do it, he will support me and he will be by my side in the process. Now again I feel doubts about who I am and who I want to be because every time I tried I wanted to be able to have a man by my side to accompany me in my transition so that it would be easier for me because I always worry a lot about what the people who know me will say. , my friends, my family, society in general. It is very difficult to feel this doubt again and not know what decision I should make or why I continue to doubt myself. I think that if I doubt my identity it is because something is not right and has happened several times. I also worry if I am too old and it is too late to start transitioning (I am 27 years old). I feel that now I am far from home and in a country where society is more inclusive, I could achieve it and look like I have always dreamed of but because of fear I have not been able to achieve it. it would be nice to talk with other receive opinions or advice about my case because it feels bad to be so confused and not know what to do.
It sounds like you went through some hardships and I think it's understandable why you find it difficult to take this leap at this point in your life. I had it much easier, but I still can relate to that overwhelming feeling of doubt, and constantly thinking about what others might think. Fully committing to transitioning is a huge step, however you already had 2 other attempts which, from what you say, were stopped not because you wanted to, but because life got in the way. Also, your needs have not changed for at least 10 years - I think that's worth taking into account. What helped me in times of severe doubt was the knowledge that I could start HRT and... stop whenever I want. I'll take the first dose, see what happens, and if I decide that it's not for me, then it's not for me. I just had my 5th dose today and so far I haven't turned back, but I'm still very early in my transition so anything is possible. It's also worth noting that I felt severe doubt before my first shot - anxiety through the roof, shaking at the doctor's, thinking T will never work for me (I'm a trans guy), that it's all for nothing, that I might detransition - and after I got it done, all those anxieties disappeared and they have yet to return 2 months in. Not only that, but I also realised just how much I wanted and needed HRT after starting. You've already done this 2 times and it didn't end up well because life treats us badly sometimes. But it looks like things are in your favour now, so why not at least try? Worst case scenario you realise it's not for you, but at least the doubt will be gone - that's how I convinced myself to take the last step. Also, 27 is not too late. I've heard of people transitioning much later in life, both women and men. It's never too late.
You are rig You're right, all these days I've been thinking about it and getting confused but it's definitely something I want to do and trying it is the best way to get out of this uncertainty. It is better to take advantage of the opportunities and support I have and do it now and not later when it is more difficult. Thank you for sharing your process with me and give me more security.
I'm 32 and I can start with transitioning only now, there are people out there who are in their 40's, 50's or 60's. It's never too late to be yourself. You already have the answers. Time to allow yourself to be happy.
