How to get support when they dominate all larger groups with their aggressive beaviour? I want to have IRL people to talk to about LGBTQ+ issues
Mihael.....So sorry that you have had trouble! I feel pretty strongly that you can share and talk to folks here on EC and that you won't have that kind of problem. Is there a particular kind of support that you are looking for? .....David
I can relate. I have observed that most groups no matter what it is, have a superceding group identity. Basically they're all click groups to an extent. I don't mesh with most of the LGBT groups I visited either. But I still strive to have a pleasant time and try to social network/make a friend or two, and then we could spend time outside the group. Try searching for groups that align more with your interests and hobbies. For example: Hiking LGBT groups or Baking LGBT groups. I found a few groups I want to join that way, but they are mostly inactive during the winter sadly. You can also join an LGBT social app and join a group that way, or find friends on the app and make one yourself. While dating/ going on dates, you can also be introduced to their friend groups and social circles. For example: A straight friend of mine got a girlfriend and she invited her friends to hang out with our friends when we had a small party. I met a couple new friends that way. Is there a certain way these groups are behaving aggressively? Or are they just being brash and competitive?
Thank you *hugs* The thing is, I don't know what exactly I want to talk about. Maybe I just want to have company IRL as well, feel lonely. I have friends at university, but I don't talk to them about anything LGBT-realated. For some reason those relationships feel impersonal. I'm graduating soon, but I doubt the situation at work differs a lot. Yeah, the groupthink... I say one thing not like others or stand out in whichever way, I'm a threat to attack. I'm sick and tired of that. Not only I get attacked obviously, but it takes a toll on me, I'm a sensitive person. I tried. It feels like only I initiate conversations, and the other person doesn't initiate conversations or offer to meet. Ever. I tried I do this too They're verbally abusive just casually, they call groups of people they disagree with names and speak in a very negative manner about all kinds of people. I was harassed by a couple of people. A lot look for different prejudices and phobias while the problem was just miscommunication. I had panic attacks and I was harassed for it, because they think I'm attention seeking and hence I'm a bad person. I can't argue utter BS... What can I explain to someone who lives in their own paranoid world?
Rarely have I seen someone in such rage, it shocks me. I didn't know what narcissistic rage meant, now I know. It's when someone thinks aggression is the right way to solve problems and they hold the paranoid view that other people are after them and deserve it. It's a really bad place to be in and one that doesn't have a way out, probably. I've seen only people who get carried away in anger and see it as anger, often regret it, not as something that most people deserve and that they need to be vindictive...
I had similar experiences while trying to come out during college. All the individuals and groups I approached for fellowship or advice assumed I had ulterior motives or were trying to target them. They either immediately freaked out, threatened me with violence, were highly aggressive in telling me to F**** off, or ridiculed me for not being gay enough for the gay scene. The few guys that I actually gave me the time of day tried to use me. A lot of other people gay bashed me so I went back into the closet. There were a few potential gay classmates I could have become friends with, but as soon as I didn't agree slightly with their opinions or agenda, they became hostile and cancelled me. I'm sure you're familiar with the concept of Group Think. It's scary how aggressive people can get as the group number grows. Outsiders are a threat to the tribe. It's crazy how complicated people can be, yet still be able to boil them down to simple facts. I had a mentor who told me once: (Everyone likes to look into a mirror, and see their own reflection within other people regardless of who it is. So If you want to engage with any kind of person or get them to respect you, then you have to reflect their personality back at them to some extent. The only time people take your personal reflection seriously, is if it's of equal or greater value than their own self-endowed worth. It's not how people should live but that's how they act, and by reflecting their personality back at them is the best way to survive.) He then told me to study the 4 disc personality archetypes. If you memorize them then you can roughly deduce what kind of personality a person is and blend in with almost anyone. Also a method in counteracting group think is to bring a group of your own. I have had more success talking and mingling with other groups, (of varying kinds and numbers), when I had a friend or two with me. It doesn't make you appear to be as suspicious in their eyes when you approach with more people. Hang in there man. I know my advice doesn't exactly help with your problem but hopefully it can help you get by and survive.
