I have been trying for two years to find a romantic interest (I am a lesbian). I have noticed that most women do not want to start any kind of relationship - even when they say they are looking for one. I have pretty well given up on finding love. The problem is I have a normal sex drive and I am very romantic and loving. So how do I live with no partner and no prospect of finding one? And secondly, how will I react and respond to a woman if/when I meet one, now that I have so much resentment and even hatred towards other lesbians, who I call crazy bitches or reluctant virgins because that is exactly how they act towards me. Will I even be able to respond sexually to them? I wonder.
Tough one really - I don’t have any experiences like yours to draw on, to try and offer advice. Out of interest, how old are you? Or roughly, if you don’t want to say exactly.
Try to compartmentalize your feelings from bad dating experiences so it won't inhibit future dating encounters. Try to separate the two. Just file it away and put it in the past behind you. If that doesn't quite make sense to you, then try searching for psychology videos about compartmentalizing your mind and feelings. This concept changed my whole life. If these girls say one thing and do another, then I would put more stock in their actions and just move on. Most of the time when people are undecided, they'll stay undecided or wait till the very last moment to make a decision. It's just human nature. Just because they're waiting around doesn't mean you have to. You can spend that valuable time on someone else who is actually looking for something serious. There have been many times when my friends, family, and relationships say they were going to do something and never followed through with their actions. So I moved on and found a solution. If they get upset, I just tell them I have things to do and I am busy with my life as well, so I can't wait around forever. I can't put my life on hold indefinitely for you. I gave you a couple weeks to come to a decision. If you can't, then that is perfectly fine and just accept it, and will both move on. If you're having trouble finding a partner who doesn't sit on the fence then try to refine your search. Go to dating events or LGBT groups that are designed for singles looking for serious relationships. Just develop a more targeted approach. Sometimes I hit roadblocks in the dating scene. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong exactly all of the time. But I mix and shake things up and try a new approach that may have better success, and add it to my toolbox. just keep learning, keep adapting, and keep moving on.
Thanks for your advice. I am still having a terribly hard time with it but I am trying to move on. That is part of the reason I am on here. I never imagined, back when I was sixteen, that being gay would be anything like this. I started out with a positive attitude and when I was in the closet everything was fine. But the shock of what it is really like has hit me like a 2 X 4 in the face.
I don’t know how old you are but I think as you get older the % of single people who carry baggage of some sort increases. Ok perhaps that is not fair, I mean as we live life we all gather baggage which shapes who we are. Naturally the older you get the less single people there are and therefore the percentage of single people who for some reason cannot mange a relationship goes up. It doesn’t mean there aren’t good people out there it just means it might take a little longer to find them.
I agree with that analogy lol. I think the dating scene is tough for everyone, no matter if your straight or gay. Sometimes I feel like all I do is rebuilding the wheel, or going back to the drawing board. Whether it's dating, working, life, or skills that are never good enough. That is just part of life, constantly learning and adapting. I don't like it but if I don't try, then I'll just get left behind. In my experience I have flirted with a few guys who were hesitant and scared while in the closet or otherwise and they flaked on me. Vice versa I flirted with a few guys who were confident, but shot me down because I didn't have a lot of gay dating experience yet, and assumed I was going to flake on them. It's a catch 22. It's not as if I had zero dating experience because I have dated a few girls in the past, but sometimes that's seen as a turnoff. As I gained more gay dating experience it gradually became better. So maybe these girls see you in a similar light. People will take you more seriously the more experience you have. It's just all about time and effort. Not everyone will appreciate it but everyone has to walk down that road regardless.
By not giving in to cynicism, by not becoming jaded, by believing that there are lovely women out there who are right for you. Don't give up on love, keep your heart open. Beth x
I have to admit - I have a lot of baggage myself, don't know how that will work out. As far as dealing with other people's problems, I think I can be pretty tolerant and patient with them. Too much baggage - I guess we would just be friends.
I don't like what you said, Chillton, because I think you are right! Sometimes the truth is not what we want to hear. It's a hard road to walk down and I could relate to everything you said. Thanks for sharing your story.
I hear you. I don't feel hatred towards other lesbians but I am struggling to find anyone compatible. There are a lot of people out there on the dating scene who don't know what they want. This means wasted time and feeling frustrated, including sexually frustrated! I'm not just after sex but I do want to get some - however I feel for me I need that to come with emotional connection as well as physical attraction.
Sometimes there's nothing better than sex for building or speeding up that emotional connection, or at least finding out early that it might not happen.
i had a similar issue, I started looking after my wife lost interest and I had an affair with another woman. it didnt last we worked it out for a short time and it was back to the same and started looking for bi or gay, that lasted till she passed away, but istill want to be withanother man
after that i was onmatch sites and it turned out that a transexual was interested. never did follow up, kind of wish i did
