Good day my EC friends I know I've brought this sort of topic up before, but have been doing some added thinking. My partner and I have agreed we may wait a while before living together, in part cause while I own and he rents, both of ours are quite small (big enough for one, OK for two on like...a weekend when we spend time together, but likely more on top of each other than preferred on an everyday basis). And unfortunately I am kind of locked into mine with my mortgage until 2027 (otherwise would have to pay a steep penalty as I have a fixed rate mortgage). However, going on topic of the subject line, I've been thinking about our future and tbh I kind of want to propose sooner than later but I also recognize there are differing opinions of living together before or after proposal (or even marriage though frankly think I'd still want to wait until we move in together before actually doing the wedding.) But I wanted to get people's takes on this, even though granted read it all from other online platforms lol. I mean is it better to live together first before getting engaged, or is it OK to not wait and pop the question and then we'll move in together later. I've read some who say it's good because you get to know your future spouse better and may be able to determine if he really is the one you want to be with. But then I've also read those who moved in and then it just never happened cause hey, you moved in together, there's no need to try anymore and seven years later they're still waiting for a ring. (And we won't talk about the studies that say there's higher rates of divorce among those who moved in first). So thoughts?
It depends and varies on the person to situation, but personally I think you have the right idea. It's definitely better to figure out if you're compatible living together before you tie more strings to your relationship. Like proposing or marriage. I have had a few partners and friends who were totally different in public than they were in private. I told myself I could never live this way or handle my personal life like they do. Not to say they were bad or anything, but I disliked certain things about their lifestyle choices. It's perfectly normal to have a move in trial period with your partner for 4 - 6 months before marriage. However, there are a lot of boundaries that need to be communicated beforehand. Poor communication can defeat the purpose of the arrangement. First you need to talk about the future possibility of getting married and see if you're on the same page. Then go over what you are both looking to get out of the trail period. At the end of the period you have the option to: A end it and go your separate ways, B take the relationship to the next level (marriage), or C voice your complaints and extend the trial period to work on those issues and fix them together. With your current living situation I would recommend maybe living together at your house for a month and alternate to his apartment for a month. Or choose one location and move unnecessary items to the other location to make more room. All that being said, it depends and varies on the person to situation. There isn't one ultimate right way to go about this. As long as nobody is getting used or has their time needlessly wasted, then do whatever works best for both of you. Communicate with your partner about your concerns and desires to figure out a compromise that will work best. If you're worried about him moving in and sitting on the fence for several years for marriage, then you really need to emphasize that boundary. Were not moving in for half-ass fun, I want to try and build a beautiful life together baby.
My groom and I actually moved in together when we returned from our honeymoon. The wedding night, after the wedding and reception, we did stop by my/our house and picked up a few things. We remained in our tuxedoes and went to the hotel or our wedding night.
Hi, Revan! Nice to see you again!! I think you're being thoughtful with this, which is wise. Personally, I think it's important in this day and age for people to live together for maybe a year before they actually get married. This gives you time to see how actually living together will work -- it is almost always different than having each person have their own place -- and you see, up close and personal, what issues are likely to arise, so you can address them. Have you considered the possibility of renting out the property you own and holding onto it as an investment, and then eventually buying something else for the two of you? (I definitely would not recommend buying anything togehter until you have been living together for a year, maybe two.) As for when you propose... I'm not sure that really matters a whole lot. For reference, I have friends that were together for about 3 years before they got engaged; moved in together (in a group housing setting) after about 4 months, so they had plenty of time to see how things worked. And they moved out of the group house into their own place now almost 5 years ago. (They planned to get married... two months after Covid shut everythign down). So they're together, engaged, and basically decided the marriage didn't really matter, though they plan to reschedule it when they get around to it
Thanks Chip! Yeah to be honest, I will admit I don't plan on getting married until we live together for sure. But if I'm honest, my partner sends me plenty of hints, has talked about our future together, to be honest he also used to (and still does) joke about when i have surprises for him because he's always expecting it to be a proposal lol. It's clear to me based on multiple hints at this point...he's just waiting for me to pop the question. But same time, I don't think he's like "let's get actually married ASAP". And if curious why doesn't he if he wants it that much, he kind of beat me to the punch on everything else, saying I love you, asking to be boyfriends, asking to be exclusive, so he kind of jokes that the you know biggest moment in our relationship will be up to me lol (I don't think he's on here I hope so he won't have the surprise ruined lol). If I'm honest though, it's not even per se the marriage itself cause we all know how ridiculously pricey they can be, but just being engaged to the man I love is a really nice idea even if we don't move in for a bit longer especially as we've now been friends for three years and been together for more than two years.
