Hi, So first some background: I am from the UK (London). I was always into women but I got bored watching lesbian pornography and started watching gay porn. I found it quite hot and wanted to try it but was too shy and naive to go about it (more on this later). I still found women attractive and started online dating. I have dated (though never got overly serious), and liked women. In 2015 after a woman dumped me, I tried a guy (as in sleep with/casual fun) for the first time, as I was very bicurious, and enjoyed it. Since then, when I tried dating women and got rejected I'd turn to guys to sleep with as a coping mechanism, like a distraction (this used to be binge eating). However, on one ocassion I told my mum I don't want marriage or kids (though this can change) and she asked if I like men. On another ocassion I told my mum I am meeting a friend off a straight dating site she knows of and asked is it a boy or a girl. Does this imly she suspects?
I think she does suspect you're not straight, since she asked about the gender of your date, and made an assumption that since you don't want marriage or kids, you might like men. I also told my mom that I don't want kids and don't really like the idea of marriage, but she's still convinced I'm straight, just not a fan of a traditional lifestyle. What is your mom's opinion on LGBT people? Do you think it would be safe for you to come out to her?
I'm not sure. My parents are liberal but she would find it a shock to the system, even if she suspects.
Blade.....It does seem like your mom suspects that you might not be straight. If you are concerned about how she will react if you just tell her face-to-face then you might want to consider using a letter when the time comes to tell her. A big plus to a letter is that you don't have to be present when the letter is read. That can be a very big help as it eliminates the potential face-to-face confrontation that can sometimes be difficult. Coming out in writing means you will not be interrupted or face a barrage of questions that you need to answer immediately, in the heat of the moment. You get time and they get time too and that counts for a lot. It gives the people reading the letter some time to think before they talk to you. After all, you've had time to think about your sexuality, perhaps for years…giving them at least some time to think about it too only seems fair! There are some great sample coming out letters here on Empty Closets that could be a big help to you. You can edit the letter(s) to fit your situation. Even if you don't eventually use the letter, taking time to think about it and to write one will help you to be sure to say what you need to say and leave out the rest! You can then use the letter as a "script" for when you do come out face-to-face. Check out the letters (see below)...they could be a real help! *****Also...when you do come out, whether it's tomorrow or a year from now, your parents and/or friends will probably have questions. Take some time now to think about what those questions might be. Such as; "How do you know you're bi?" or "How long have you felt this way?" etc. The questions themselves will vary a great deal depending upon your family and friends...so take that into consideration. If you work up a list of five or six probable questions with the answers already planned, you will likely be perceived as a more mature, serious person. *****COMING OUT LETTERS: http://emptyclosets.com/home/pages/resources/coming-out-letters.php *****Remember...you are a part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care! Keep us updated on how things are going for you! .....David
It doesn't imply, it makes it exceedingly clear she suspects. And it's highly unlikely she'd be asking this, on more than one occasion, if she wasn't (a) already reasonably certain and (b) OK with it.
Like others have mentioned, I think she suspects that you're not straight. It sounds like she's offering openings for you to tell her. This also suggests that she is totally fine with it. Any idea why she suspects?
I think the fact I have had very little experiences known to her of me dating women. I dated one in 2013 and mentioned it to my parents, and then one other. Nothing since. Not like I am always out dating new women. But this isn't due to a lack of interest, but in my culture it is hard (stupid old cultural traditions which a lot of women and their families believe in), and looks are another issue. This makes it hard to date, meaning I have a lack of experience, which fuels naivety and a lack of some confidence in some scenarios, which also won't help. The problem with coming out is me being with men has been more a sexual thing than romantic. I've not really liked any man romantically (yet?). I say this, but just like the second girl I dated I did not expect to like, I could like a man romantically (I am saying that anything is possible with feelings in "love"). I find empathy very attractive and important in a romantic or emotional bond, and women have that more in my (limited) experience, but again I cannot generalise. There's plenty of women who are not empathetic too.
I think this is maybe why I've never been romantically attracted to women - what I look for in a partner are fairly typical male traits. Is this because I am wired to look at potential partners from the perspective of a future mother? Trying to find someone who can be that stereotypical provider and protector? My boyfriend fits the bill there, I have never known anybody so competent and driven and it is hugely attractive.
