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Mistake to contact old flame?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by mlansing, Sep 1, 2023.

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  1. mlansing

    mlansing
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    So, honest question, is this a bad sign that I haven’t heard from him at all since he left for his trip? Granted, I suggested we not feel pressured to reach out until he gets back from his trip so he can process the breakup, but it kinda feels like he’s taking that a little far by this point. The only exchange we’ve had since he initially informed me he was single (which was Sept 4) was I wished him a good trip the Tuesday before last and he said thanks with a smiley face.

    I’m teetering on the edge of thinking it’s time to pack up and move on but still expecting/hoping I’ll hear from him and we can pick up where we left off. Am I overthinking or is it rationally better to move on?
     
    #21 mlansing, Sep 20, 2023
  2. mlansing

    mlansing
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    I’d like to add that he didn’t inform me when he would get back from the trip, so here I am waiting and not knowing and losing hope more and more each day.
     
    #22 mlansing, Sep 20, 2023
  3. JT1999

    JT1999
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    I don't know what you should do, but it looks like you've got two options. You can either try and get in touch with him, either now or waiting a little longer. Or you can not get in touch with him and see if he gets in touch with you. It wouldn't be a bad idea to try and move on though, just in case it never happens.
     
    #23 JT1999, Sep 21, 2023
  4. mlansing

    mlansing
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    It may sound childish, but since I was the last one to reach out and since we agreed he would get in touch with me when he got back, I refuse to send one more text unless he does first. If I don’t hear from him anymore then so be it; I feel that I’ve done enough to try to revive this.
     
    #24 mlansing, Sep 21, 2023
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  5. Rayland

    Rayland
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    It's positive that you had a clear communication agreement about not reaching out until he returns from his trip to allow both of you to process the breakup. It's possible that he's respecting this agreement and taking the time he needs. Waiting can be tough, especially when you're unsure of the timeline. While it's natural to expect some communication, it's essential to exercise patience during this period. People cope with breakups differently, and he might need more time to process his feelings. In the meantime, focus on self-care and your own well-being. Engage in activities that make you feel happy and fulfilled. Surround yourself with supportive friends and engage in hobbies or interests that bring you joy. While it's okay to hope for a positive outcome, it's also essential to manage your expectations realistically. There's no guarantee that the relationship will resume as it was before, so it's important to be prepared for different possible outcomes. Take this time to reflect on what you truly want from a relationship and whether it aligns with what this person can offer. Sometimes, breakups lead to personal growth and changes in what we seek in a partner. If you reach a point where you feel that waiting has become too emotionally taxing, consider sending a gentle and understanding message expressing your feelings and asking for clarification about the situation.
     
    #25 Rayland, Sep 21, 2023
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  6. mlansing

    mlansing
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    I agree I need to be patient, but it’s tough. It’s hard not to feel like history is repeating itself, but only time will tell if it is. I wish I could just unplug my feelings for him, but obviously that’s not how it works. We’ll see what happens.
     
    #26 mlansing, Sep 21, 2023
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  7. Rayland

    Rayland
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    Hugs. Things like this are always hard. Please do keep us updated how you're doing. I really hope things work out the way you wish.
     
    #27 Rayland, Sep 22, 2023
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  8. mlansing

    mlansing
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    Still haven’t heard back from him. Even if he were still on his international trip this feels too long to go no contact. Oh well. Kinda crappy for him to talk such a big game about reconnecting just to flake out, but it’s totally his prerogative if he felt one way then and feels differently now. I suppose I should have seen this coming; deep down inside I feel like I knew better all along. Here’s to moving forward with my chin up, though :v:
     
    #28 mlansing, Sep 30, 2023
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