I can relate to most people who have autism. I am not officially diagnosed, but I have read that self diagnosis is valid. I'm trying to see how would autism diagnosis actually benefit me, though I don't want to have it, because I have heard so many bad things about other people saying about autistic people and I'm very sensitive, but it really bothers me for some reason, so much that I become irritated. My symptoms are: I do have difficulty making myself understood most of the time in my own language. English is not hard to me, but when I speak in real life in Estonian, then I tend to mumble, not saying out what I think, even though I know I'm right, in stressful situations I can start to stutter. I don't feel myself as an adult. I mostly feel like I am a child. I can't relate to most people my age. I get along either younger or older people. I am emphatic towards others, but there is something out of place. Sometimes I feel nothing, when other people do. I don't understand all of the mimics. I have no issue understanding face mimics, but when someone shows something with their hands, like come here, then I don't understand right away what they want. It can take me a while to understand. I sometimes avoid eye contact, but not all the time. I was taught that you should look into the eye of somebody when talking, because it's rude otherwise, but it feels uncomfortable. If there is something I like I can dedicate many hours of day to it, even forgetting to eat. I hate unexpected situations. If I'm told to do something and was not informed beforehand, then I can start crying and stumping my feet and close doors with a bang like a teenager. I have done stimming since early childhood, like moving my body forward and back. My sister tends to do this as well. My sister has actually many of the same symptoms like me, so I'm thinking this might be genetic, since we do have problems with that. I have a weak heart thanks to it. I am very good at self control, but sometimes I slip at it too. I don't like all textures in clothing and certain foods. I'm quite sensitive there. I've been talking to someone about my cognitive distortions too (I do every single wrong thing there in the book like concrete, literal and absolute thinking, black and white expectations and rules with little interpretative room, and rigid, inflexible thinking and beliefs) and that I need to practice gratitude and mindfulness about my thoughts and turn them around to make them positive everyday, because negative and incorrect thinking patterns are something that can bring you down. I was used to very positive person, but it's hard to get back to who I was then. I've changed. I'm not that person anymore. That person has been erased. I'm grateful towards some stuff, but I feel like everyday telling myself this would get mundane for me, because I can only come up with a few things. I feel like autism and my thinking patterns are related to each other, like me not feeling comfortable with bisexual label before, though I knew it described me the best.
Autism mom here, who has diagnosed herself with autism and mild ADHD as well... I am definitely a carrier for the ADHD/TS/OCD gene, and I know that's how my son got ADHD. Via one of my X chromosomes. I show symptoms of Tourette Syndrome and OCD, but not as much as something like the ADHD. Two others who were assigned male at birth have ADHD, one has TS as well, and I believe there's at least one more who has ADHD too, but I'm not fully sure. My old doctor believed it is genetic, and is caused by the same gene that causes ADHD, Tourette's Syndrome, and OCD, but manifests itself in a different way, like environmental factors, but he wasn't sure which ones would make autism show up instead of the others. He passed away in 2014 and never really had a chance to prove his theory. He believed this because a lot of the patients he knew who had autism also had one or more of the other three. Not all of them, but most of them. I do a lot of the same things you do - stimming (pretty much any time my fingers are not on the keyboard or I'm not using my phone), not able to make eye contact (but in my case I rarely do it, I only make contact with others I know really well and that's rare too), I get obsessed with something and forget to eat or drink (which is not good, I'm diabetic), I either am too loud or too quiet while talking (child is the same), and I'm ultra sensitive to things like textures like food or clothing, etc. To me, the people with autism I've met are pure geniuses. They absorb knowledge about things they're interested in like a sponge, and can talk about it for days on end (my child being one of them)... I never looked at autism as a bad thing. Just a different way of seeing the world, and thinking from what is classed as "mainstream". Nowadays people tend to be more accepting - or they are in my child's generation at least in our area - and sometimes even ask people with autism about their outlook on any topic, just to see what kind of thing they're envisioning. Then again, I'm in Canada, and although I'm in a conservative area, people tend to be more open and understanding when it comes to people with different abilities here. I'm not sure how things are in your part of the world too. Please, never ever think of having autism as negative. It isn't. It's just the way our brains are wired to perceive the world in a whole new light, that's all, and to me, that's a highly positive thing.
Thank you very much for your input. It's helpful reading about others experiences. To add to everything. I think I may also have a hard time to understand someone's limits. I don't know, if this is somehow related. There are times I need it to be made obvious, that the person is serious. If not there will be problems, like what I experienced today. I didn't understood the limits and paying the price, where my anxiety is going sky high and I keep crying.
I believe I have Asperger’s autism from descriptions I’ve read and it sure sounds like me. I’ve been obsessed with sports since I was 10. And when I was in school, I would focus so much on a particular girl that I never noticed anyone else’s interest in me.
I have high functioning ASD. I don't really stim much because I don't want the majority of people in the area knowing I have it. Instead I scream internally, a lot. At times I twist the ring I wear every day. I get absorbed in games and art a lot- almost to the point of obsession. I've never fit in, and if anyone tries to tell me my being trans is really because of my ASD/ internalized sexism like my family tried to do ever I will scream. I wish I could have life easy for once. That said, ASD isn't the problem, it's how people treat us
To be honest, not being autistic, I don't know what it feels like. My youngest child is diagnosd with ASD, with symptoms being very similar to what @Rayland has shared. But as the psychiatrist who diagnosed it has put it, autistic people aren't ill or wrong in any way - they're just different, seeing everything in their own unique way... It's just that the surounding world might not yet be ready for them. And as @TinyWerewolf has said, the problem is how people treat you. My kid is in pre-school, it's the fourth one she has attended, previous three (including a ridiculously expensive private pre-school, in which she was physical abused) pretty much refused to accept her, stating that she is "uncontrollable", "can be violent towards other kids" and "distracts everyone from studying" - which was a schock for both me and my wife when we first heard it, because we just couldn't imagine that our sweet child could be like that. A few other pre-schools have rejected our applications simply because "we don't cater to sick kids here". But somehow, in this run-of-the-mill, plain ordinary local pre-school, things have improved dramatically - for the simple reason the teachers accomodated for her differences, which didn't even take a lot of effort, just a tad of understanding. That's just one of the most notable experiences, I have many more stories that all lead to the same conclusion - you, dear folks, are not the problem.
Thank you for the replies. I appreciate you all. I'm reading them through, but reply a bit later. I'm currently not in the best place mentally. Though don't be discouraged to leave your experience. It helps me reading about them.
Sorry for not replying individually. I know autism symptoms can differ in each person and are unique. My sister has differences from my symptoms. I try not to compare, but I do see similarities. Some of the things I experience are present weaker, like having no problems with face mimics, while others are stronger. In some I don't know if it's overstimulation or some other neurological issue, like getting a panic attack in a familar location from forgetting my surroundings (this happened once). I even get panic attacks, when there are fireworks explosions all around me during new years. This has happened a few times. My health haven't been the best. I'm going to start physiotherapy too in December and will see a neurologist. Maybe another specialist. I just need to figure out what is wrong with my health. I feel like I'm just getting weaker and can't do all the things I used to could. I feel like I've honestly forgetting some of my goals, by putting too much pressure on myself to strive and be perfect in things I do. My main goal was to just live simply and be happy in my body. I feel like there has been set backs. It has got a little better financially, so that's one of the good things, because of student support I get from attending university. I can now focus more of my studies than desperately job searching. I can give myself time to find the job I would like. I would like an administration position somewhere, maybe in a tourism organization, because this is related to my profession.
You're so welcome. It's easy to see how I have autism too, albeit more along the lines of what was known as Asperger's, while my child has Autism Disorder. I'm not prone to full blown meltdowns like he was, and I was talking and doing other things at a "normal" rate, and I get the hidden social agenda whereas he needs reminders. Sometimes understanding limits is related to it. My child has no clue when the limit is reached or if it's not there yet, and needs reminders too.
This probably sounds cliche, but don’t worry about achieving perfection - it’s all good as long as you’re moving into the direction you want, no matter the setbacks that might happen. I’m sorry you’re having health issues. I can’t give medical advice, but speaking as a layperson living in a similar climate, have you had your vitamin D levels checked? This seems to be an often overlooked issue in the Baltics, maybe it’s something to bring up with your doctor. Best of luck to you!
Thank you. I feel like it needs to be made obvious to me. I've always thought I can read the room well, when it comes to it, but my latest experience gave me a reality check. Thank you. I do tests often and my vitamin D levels were nonexistent. I take it now every day.
I hear you loud and clear. I tend to think people are ignoring me when in reality, people are always looking to engage with me. I'm too introverted to understand that sometimes, and I'm always looking at my sneakers or playing with my rings to notice much.
I often feel alienated and ignored. This all contributes to me start feeling lonely, especially if it seems like others can't understand me. Then I tend to close myself and be more introverted. Somehow I'm more aware of myself now and not in a good way. I feel like others are smarter. Everyone has always been smarter, faster and stronger than me. It all hits me hard after figuring all of this out.
We’re all different in a myriad of ways, being results of unique combination of factors and experiences. There’s always someone who is or seems to be better at something, or maybe everything, just like the grass is always greener on the other side… But think about it, you navigating life in a world that’s not yet really ready for those who differ from whatever is considered the norm; you did things that not many are able to do - like working in an intensive care unit (and it’s hell of a job - I know from experience); and you come here and do your best for to help people and to make the world a better place… For all I know, you’re a strong and courageous man with a good heart. And that is worth a lot.
Thank you. I appreciate it very much. Being a certified caregiver and working at intensive care unit and even doing one year of nursing school is one of these accomplishments, that I'm really proud over. It's just health issues didn't allow me do it anymore and it's not like I had no problems, while working there, especially with coworkers. Helping out here is my way to give back, because I was helped so much with being trans, intrusive thoughts and suicidal ideation. Of course I had to work on myself a lot too, with things that others can't help with. I've improved a lot. At first I never talked to anyone about my worries, so the forum is a God send to me. It's just that after improving so much this feels like a step back.
I wanted to update, that in next therapy session I'm going to see where on exactly I might be on the autism spectrum, since I believe I have both adhd and autism. I think I'm going to get the both diagnoses. My psychiatrist at first laughed at me, because I said I self diagnosed myself with autism, but I really don't mind that at least he listened and understood what I said. I've actually calmed down a lot about it all and don't try to come up with other diagnoses of what might be wrong with me.
