Is sexuality fixed from birth or does it change later in life?

Totally agree, it’s what baffles me about so many women. I know a couple of women who have bounced from bad relationship to bad relationship and are now at the point where they pretty much can’t stand and doesn’t trust men, not just a few but the entire lot. It’s probably fairly common. They admire and find other women attractive, they enjoy the company of women exclusively, they’re presumably not satisfied by men or by anyone, yet I’m the weird/disgusting one in their eyes. Women are sexy, sensual, built for pleasure and with another woman you don’t need your guard up. I find it mind blowing that more women don’t think the way I think. Maybe I am just wired a bit differently after all.

 

Yeah sorry, I didn’t mean to knock labels in general. If it works for you and it helps, more power to you. It must be comforting to feel acceptance when before you were fighting against it. I’ve really just not gone through any of that, I am pretty comfortable in my own skin and none of these labels really fit.

 

I understand. I can totally see if you've always been comfortable with your sexuality then a label might restrictive. But for me who repressed and denied for years, to look into the mirror and say "I am gay" without shame still brings incredible feelings of release and a warm feeling of content.

 

There is an old joke, two gay guys see a super attractive woman and one says "She's so beautiful I wish I were a lesbian"

 

I agree on oral, the giver is definitely the boss of the situation. Doesn’t matter if it’s a man or woman on the receiving end. Do you think maybe there’s some hangups in men because it’s used as an insult? C***sucker I have heard thrown about as if it’s something to be ashamed of.

Bottoming is way out of my area of expertise but is it not pretty submissive? As a woman it feels pretty submissive and lacking in control except maybe when on top. Some of my girlfriends wouldn’t even call it “having sex”, it’d be “getting f’d”. The man is definitely the active partner and the woman is the one having it done to her. Even on top, you’re only in control while he lets you be in control. My boyfriend is twice my weight and so much stronger, if he wants to switch positions he just rolls me over or stands up holding me against him like I weigh nothing. It’s a good job he is good at reading me and usually picks the right moment. Is it less of a submissive/dominant thing with two men because you are closer to being equal?

 

Yes and men who use this are in a way insulting their partners. They are saying something they like having their lovers perform on them is degrading! The same thing with 'being f*cked" or 'taking it in the a**"

The guy is probably just trying to get off and not thinking about pleasing the woman. I used to just hurry and get it over with because I feared losing my erection and I had to think about a guy the whole time. I haven't had a lot of partners I imagine there are gay guys who just want to get off too, but so far the sex I have had has been intimate and sensual, lots of communication, eye gazing, we even get a rhythm I am learning to contract and move my hips to heighten his pleasure too.....and a man inside me.. it doesn't feel submissive it just feels ...so good! I don't look at it as submissive, I look at it as deeply intimate and pleasuring each other.

Since discovering bottoming I don't even get concerned about ejaculating anymore, I get these internal orgasms which are way more intense!

 

I meant they use the term in a good way, “I can’t wait to get home and get f’d by my boyfriend” I have heard a lot of times. It is sort of what it feels like to me. Maybe submissive is the wrong word, but its something being done to me.

damn that sounds pretty sad, can’t have been easy for you. That’s one thing I’ve never really done, when I’m with a man I’m with a man and when I’m with a woman, I’m with a woman. It’s pretty compartmentalised.

I expect those as the same nerve endings as a woman’s g-spot. It’s a shame it is so stigmatised by straight men, I bet not many would try any bum stuff. Their loss I guess. It’s not something I’ve ever explored with my boyfriend, something tells me i probably shouldn’t turn up with my strap on.

 

No, I get where you're coming from, and it's true that it's an overused word, but there's a lot more to it than that in my case. It is almost exclusivley with women I feel this way, though, with men it's just vanilla bottoming, at least at the moment. I'm still working it out, to be honest--as I only started coming out less than two years ago--but am not in doubt about the submission to ladies aspect! Perhaps it will open up more to include submission to men, also? I've had two major awakenings, already, so wouldn't be surprised if I opened more down the road.

 

Well said!

Bottoming and topping are matters of preference and nothing more. Gay and bisexual men really need to cast off this idea that bottoming is about being submissive, while topping is about being assertive. It plays into all sorts of stereotypes that can actually leave people trapped in shame about their sexuality and if you are watching porn that perpetuates these myths and stereotypes you should probably watch something different.

I have heard some men say how much they enjoy being "submissive bottoms" (which may be true), but if they're talking about residual shame in the next breath it might be worth pausing to join a few dots. I really do wonder if some gay men are indulging in a bit of self shaming by ascribing certain labels to their identity.

 

This is why I don't see it as submissive, we're the ones having all the fun!

 

I didn't know anything elsem there were times it was ok but nothing like gay sex. But when I had sex with a guy I didn't have to think about other stuff, in fact sometimes I had to think I was getting too excited and would orgasm too soon!

I guess your ability to be in that direct intimacy with both sexes shows why I choose to identify as gay vs 'bi' (80-90% gay) there is never that same intimacy with women though I can 'do it' it just feels awkward.

 

What would you say about a man whose first vivid sexual fantasy was of his female cousin when he was 8 years old? We bathed, showered and play doctor together, and more, on numerous occasions. I was obsessed with her body and the idea of being forced to have sex with her (I was always afraid of being caught by adults when playing with her and wanted it to be condoned and encouraged).

However, I only crushed on other boys from puberty onward (while masturbating the idea of other boys and the actual image of having vaginal sex). I never found girls physically or romantically attractive however...

Bisexual?

Sex with guys has never felt good. I'm also depressed and anxious and have had zero libido since I was 16 or 17 (almost 35 now).

 

was this a fantasy or did it happen? and how old was she?

Well, if someone else told you that, what would you say?

 

Excellent. Getting comfortable with being gay can be a difficult journey. I went from being a 2 or 3 to a full 6 on the Kinsey scale of sexual orientation. I'm totally comfortable being gay, have come out to a few gay male and female friends, but not publicly nor see a desire too.

 

It seems to be that sexual orientation is indeed something we’re born with and more likely than not it’s pretty much immutable - but it doesn’t necessarily coincide with romantic preferences, or anything else for that matter

 

It so strange that it feels SO GOOD to be comfortable about it, yet we resist it so much!
I shifted when I took kinsey like tests but I think it was more perception. I was conflating wanting to be attracted to women to being attracted and it felt incredibly relieving to give up trying to be attracted which is what I was doing.

 

What is it like to be the top, how does it feel compared to straight sex with a woman?

 

I got flooded with hormones in womb to make me gay along with my genes and alleles, I got Kinsey level 6 gayness! I always liked cute boys growing up on TV, at church and at school, wanted to be friends with some more than others like the ones who weren't out playing ball or whatever the "normal" boys did. Yep, we got shamed, often times not even directly but you learned what was expected and it snuffed out some of our spirits. Such a shame we were not taught to be our real selves and everyone respected each other as we are, so we could self-actualize and reach our potential to share with the world. It's tragic all the gifts lost with LGBTQ+ people whose lives were destroyed by the world that wouldn't accept them and their love.

 

My favorite position when I tried to have sex with girlfriends was doggie style - which I hear from a lot of gay men who were in straight relationships. It was easier to imagine something else
Topping, I have done a couple of times, I like bottoming more but I still enjoyed it more than straight sex with women. When I was in denial I even tried to imagine doing anal with a woman but I still wouldn't get aroused, and when a girlfriend once wanted to do it, I was repulsed. But I had no problem doing it with a guy and got super turned on.