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I'm madly in love with my straight best friend and I'm afraid he is starting to understand it.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by LullabyNY, Aug 27, 2023.

  1. LullabyNY

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    Hi, I'm 18 and I don't even know if I'm gay or not (I think yes) but that's not my first problem right now since even if I'm what I'm right now is being madly in love with him.
    I only see him, he is my obsession but I'm also his best friend so I cannot do anything... I want to stay near him.
    We are best friends and we love do projects together so, since he is pretty clumsy, usually I fix everything.
    I'm like a factotum and that's what I use for stay so near so much with him.
    Now he is starting to ask me questions, weird questions, like "why are you watching me like that?".
    I'm afraid.
    When I'm near him I'm different: I blush, I stammer, I act like a person in love!
    I try to hide it but is getting worse my feeling... I just want to hide it, he is not into me and there's no chance for this. I just want hide it and stay with him as friend.
     
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  2. quebec

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    LullabyNY.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! :old_smile: I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) :old_big_grin: when that becomes necessary!

    *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. When I first joined Empty Closets I was in need of a lot of support and encouragement and I found it hereā€¦EC is a safe place. I hope that you'll find good things here too! Folks here will talk to you and share...you don't have to be afraid of asking questions...we're glad to have you! Empty Closets is all about making connections and giving LGBT folks a voice when they otherwise don't have one in their day-to-day lives. In particular you may want to check out the forum that is titled "Sexual Orientation", there are people there who may have dealt with some of the same kind of issues that could be challenging you. You are indeed in a difficult position. If you are convinced that he is straight, then you're only hope of being near him is to keep your feelings to yourself. If you have any hint at all that he might feel toward you as you feel toward him, then writing him a short note, text or letter telling him how you feel could work. A note, text or letter would let him read it in private without the pressure of a face-to-face situation. He could then have the time to think about his reaction. You've had to time to think about this, giving him time to think about it also seems only fair. We wish you the best of luck with this!

    Some info on how to navigate EC:
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    *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! :old_rolleyes: If you have any questions at all, you can always send me a Private Message.

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  3. luminousecho

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    I really doubt you will be able to "hide" it, at your age love doesn't get easier to control (it didn't for me anyway!)

    It might help if you gained more understanding of yourself, gave yourself a little project to focus on to take your mind off him a bit? You could perhaps watch a few LGBT+ films or TV series, start listening to music by LGBT+ artists or reading books and magazines, and get a better understanding of how you feel in regard to same sex relationships? Have you considered reaching out to a support charity for young LGBT+ people?

    I just think... whether there is a chance with him or not (it sounds like not, from what you've said), it will stand a better chance of a positive outcome if you are more confident in who you are? It would probably take some of the pressure off him, if he could see you were a little more relaxed about feeling this way? I'd also very highly reccomend a therapist, eventually: a lot of it is about self acceptance, and talking about it face-to-face with someone who accepts you can make a really big difference.

    It does sound like you're lost in love with him. I know it isn't easy to feel that way for someone. Please try to remember that this isn't permanant, I know it probably seems that way, but you honestly won't feel this way forever.
     
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  4. LullabyNY

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    Hi, thanks tbh I don't want to do coming out since if I would do a coming out he would understand everything. We got a friend in common that could understand, the only I feel like I can speak with but I'm afraid he would tell him everything.
    I could speak with my parents but I don't want think about this right now, I'm not ready.
    For the psychologist, I don't have the money right now.
     
  5. luminousecho

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    No worries. I must admit I'm so out of touch with your age it's difficult for me to picture what it's like. Hopefully some younger people will soon reply with more useful advice! I think the main thing is though, you're at a great age to be starting to ask these questions about yourself. You still have most of your adult life to come, so have plenty of time to figure it out.
     
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  6. LullabyNY

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    don't worry, many thread are usefull
     
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