What was your experience as you shifted/transitioned to gay?

Bisexual, not gay, but I suppose my coming out at the age of 30 was a bit anticlimactic. I first had the notion of not being completely straight in high school, but didn't feel at all comfortable with the notion until almost a decade later when having the realization that my attraction to other men did not diminish or end my attraction to women. Decided to come out two years after that. Indeed, I find I'm more likely to enjoy a relationship with a woman, but being sexual with another man, oh yes, I could do that. That said, however, my posts on social media announcing my sexuality were met with neither much derision and hostility or great amounts of support. What responses were given were positive and supportive, this much is true, but those were few in number. Indeed, there were so few people who even saw my posts about coming out that for the most part, I have no objections to people thinking I'm straight based on my appearance and interests and have chosen to only come out to individuals.

 

@Searching2022 I did experience denial. When people I personally knew found out about me using that made up scenario in my mind. As a way to figure out/rationalize all of these new thoughts and emotions inside of me. Stuff I wanted to keep to myself because the thought of them finding out upset me. I had no idea how they would react. Whether they would accept me or not accept me. Then, maybe try to change me. When they confronted me about it, I wanted to convince them and myself it was something I would never do again. Although given what I've learned about myself now I don't think that would have worked. Thankfully these people cared more about the pain I was putting myself through. At the end of the day they just wanted me to be okay no matter who I liked.

 

This is true. I felt the same. Sex with another man was unbelievable. Erotic, sensual, romantic and much more pleasurable than with a woman. I knew after the first time this is what I wanted.

 

Does Bisexual count ?

 

@detroitlousired yes it was a thought that came out of nowhere. I didn’t experience any thoughts like this prior. If I look back to my childhood and teenage years. To see if there was a moment when I was in the closet but just didn’t realize it at the time. Or I know I was in the closet, but I waited until my adulthood, when this thought happened, to embarrass that part of myself. Nothing really comes to mind, so I've been unsuccessful in that area so far.

 

@detroitlouisred and those thoughts are really the only frame of reference I have where I begin to question my sexuality.

 

Sorry it took some time to reply. I guess I have been looking at guys always but passed it off as admiration or wanting to be like them. I didn’t know any gay person and only read in the media about gay men dying of aids. Now when I look back all the signs were there but I just didn’t know what they were. I didn’t grow up in the internet age. I was beginning to think I was some kind of a freak until I met my catalyst. I had this intense emotion that I could not understand and had never experienced before. I have always been a bit slow on the uptake and still am. After a few months of experiencing this emotion I realised that it was attraction probably even love. I spoke with a therapist who helped me understand myself. I think I realised it when I was ready for it. Some natural design I would say. When I realised that it only meant I was gay and not some freak there was no problem in accepting it. For me realisation and acceptance were not that far apart. I have never questioned myself after that. It helps that I have a busy life

 

I knew I liked both boys and girls back when I was 13/14 middle school but yet never been with a guy

 

I realised that I'm gay fairly early on. There was still a transitionary stage though. At first I was upset. It wasn't easy - sometimes there's an assumption that everything went smoothly. Which is incorrect. I've told this story plenty of times before, so here's a quick recap.

- Chapter 1: Whoops, I tried to date my best friend but turns out we're just platonic!

- Chapter 2: I am completely heterosexual and this is not a crush.

- Chapter 3: Wait. Do I like women? Am I bisexual?

- Chapter 4: Trauma.

- Chapter 5: Hold on, being bisexual involves liking men. Am I gay?

- Chapter 6: Turns out my best friend is also gay. Probably should've seen this coming.

- Chapter 7: Pretending to be bitter exes in public but being friends in private.

- Chapter 8 : Whoops I probably should've thought out the backstory of this supposed relationship and checked that our stories lined up!

- Chapter 9 : Being outed is not fun.

- Chapter 10: Moving away and starting a new life. (For unrelated reasons).

The end.

 

I think, as I feel small and worthless inside, I suppressed my sexuality for decades by picture the women I liked with other men. They were always sweet but gently submissive fantasies... It turns out I'm likely bi, so I was actually burning the candle at both ends--picturing the women I wanted to be with, succumbing to men I was attracted to. This led to porn addiction for years.

I eventually started to come out... It sounds silly, but it was Game of Thrones. I'd only ever really fallen for perfect young blondes, before. During that show I lost all interest in porn and women. During season 8, though... I realized I was fantasizing about kneeling before and kissing the boots of Daenerys as she sat on the throne. I think this is the first time I'd ever really fantasized about myself with a woman. I think it was falling for someone who quickly went on to be the most powerful and dominant character I'd seen... I couldn't logically fantasize about her being submissive to any man! ... It's like it slowly turned the magnets of my soul around to face the right way... From that fantasy it started to dawn on me how submissive I was myself. I started to see things were back-to-front for me, started to see the lady leading or simply being in total control of me and almost overnight become attracted to nearly all women.

Most recently, I started to become attracted to a man. He's similar to the sort of guys I used to fantasize about women with. Due to my previous awakening, I was totally open to exploring my feelings. (After a lifetime of confusion, I'm keen to explore anything that sheds light on my sexuality/identity). My fantasies were the same as my fantasies of old, only now it was me in them. That was my second awakening. I wanted to be with men as much as women. I've since opened up to more and more possible male lovers, it's there alright! It's less about submission, and simply playing the female role, with men, though. I suppose in that respect it is more natural. Perhaps I am gay? I still don't feel anything other than sexual attraction to men, though. My heart still yearns to cuddle up with a woman.

That's how it was for me, anyway; it's not a path I'd recommend to anyone and if anyone younger reads this, who is similarly addicted to seeing the women they fancy with other men, I'd really recommend thinking seriously about seeing your fantasies from other angles, seeing whether the lady you fancy acting like the man in your fantasies (but with you as the lover) starts to switch lights on inside of you. See if it makes you horny for it to be yourself, instead of the female, in those fantasies. It's not worth continuing down that road: it is a bottomless pit, an itch you can never ever scratch.

 

I think I’ve always had certain feelings toward boys growing up especially after the age 11 while I knew what gay was since I wasn’t the stereotype, but I did get accused of being gay particularly in middle school.

ironically though most of the girls I’d did like were either bi or gay themselves and my two best friends from middle school I later found out are gay too.

but I always felt more comfortable with boys but it wasn’t until I was 17 or so that truly understood those feelings and allowed myself to enjoy those feelings.

 

I agree with EVERYTHING you have stated. Like you say, realising you are gay is one of the most liberating things you can do. Leaving behind the baggage of trying to be hetro. Most of us go through the same process of thinking we are a bit bi, bi, more gay than hetro, finally gay. Similar happening trying the Kinsey scale, I am a proud 6 now !! I am still in the closet and apart from a few close gay friends male and female, will stay in it. I like to keep my private life private.

 

Red1 could agree more. The sense of freedom and liberation from trying to pretend hetero is such a relief. To be able to be done with the act and embrace your homosexual is a life changing moment to say the least. Closeted or not to finally be able admit your gay is so uplifting.

 

Precisely this, except I'm a lesbian, so after living just over 40 years presuming I was straight but a little broken I felt WHOLE. But there was a painful internal battle that ensued before I could embrace myself 100%. Some within my family have rejected this part of me, but I have found peace with my authentic self. I love women. I fancy women. I want to be intimate partners with a woman. It's a harder life, but only because our societies or cultures make it so.

 

I had the same problem, but solved it by clicking the "Stay Logged In" on the login dialog box.

 

I find this very odd too, how long does it let you actually do stuff if you don't check that? Seems like no time at all lol.

 

you can check it and then log out when you're done. it doesn't override the log out prompt.

 

I would start by saying it is my belief I transitioned from straight to gay, not that I "discovered" I was gay later in life. Whether others believe that or even believe it is possible is irrelevant to me. That's how I interpret my own personal experience. I have posted that experience in this forum so won't go into detail here.

I would say that it was a mostly positive experience for me. I didn't have any kind of religious upbringing, and I've known gay people all my life, so there was no "internal struggle" to get over. Still I will say it was emotionally overwhelming to take the actual steps to seeking out male companionship. Finding rejection from men hurts just as much as rejection from women. And I did feel quite alone for a while, and a bit confused by my changes in attraction.

But once I made the leap, it was 1000% better. I feel like men understand me, accept me for who I am more than women ever did. That is not to put down women, but the dynamics of a "traditional" male-female relationship and all the expectations put on both sides of those relationships really need to be retooled for the modern world. Thankfully gay men don't have most of that baggage.