Hey, I am new to this site. I want to know what I am. Soo I’ve had sexual activity’s with guys and girls but I am not romantically attracted to guys; only girls. But I enjoy sexual experiences with both. What am I?
Well, to be accurate, there are no good studies, scientific data, or anything published that supports the idea that there's a separation between romantic and sexual orientation, so it may be a "thing", but it's a "thing" with no credible evidence to support it. This has not stopped a small-but-vocal crowd from loudly proclaiming a bunch of stuff about sexual orientation, but much of it is nothing more than somebody's opinion, or a bunch of groupthink unsupported by anything else. So you might want to be careful about adopting that perspective. So, OP, to answer your question directly, one thing that sort of makes things a little confusing is that a lot of younger people are simply comfortable with sexual expression regardless of who it is with. That said, it is also quite common that when folks, especially men, first find out they are enjoying sex with other men, it can create some confusion... and it's very common for that confusion to first show up as some level of disconnection with same-sex encounters. When that happens, it can mean that you actually do have attraction to men, but your unconscious is, in a way, blocking your ability to feel the romance and attraction. In other words, it can be easy to rationalize "Oh, it's just sex" if one has some unconscious fear about same-sex attraction. But if one really feels love and lust... well, that kind of means something else. So in these cases, what happens is, as one opens up tp the fact they might be bisexual or even gay, then suddenly they give permission to allow the attraction feelings for the same sex that go beyond just lust and orgasm, and many describe it as floodgates opening. And if not... well, a lot of 16 year olds are so horny they will have sex with anything, so we can't rule that out either. I realize I'm not giving you a straight answer (no pun intended) but that's because there's probaby still some discovery and exploration needed. What happens when you masturbate without porn? Do you thinkabout guys? Girls? both? Does one or the other create greater arousal? That's usually one of the most helpful ways to figure out where your true attractions lie.
not sure abt this response... labels we use like aromantic or heterosexual are personal labels to describe experiences, not intended to be scientific categories. if a scientific study came out with the result that being gay isn't an official thing, i don't think it would matter, because lgbt identities are personal and denote experience, not some objective factual reality. so that's my take! op is probably a heteroromantic bisexual, but can label himself however he sees fit.
You are young. And bi. But never deny yourself the possibility of allowing your erotic attraction to a guy to develop into a romantic one as well. Yes, sex is good, but romance makes the sex even better.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with allowing yourself the freedom to explore your sexuality. Perhaps if you do you will find as many of us have that we had a much stronger attraction to another man than we realized. It is just as possible your straight or bisexual. The fun is in determining which without guilt, regret or remorse!
If you enjoy sex with both men and women, you are bisexual. My brother doesn't feel romantic attraction towards anyone and he's still gay.
Anyone can call themselves anything. If I want to say I am unicornsexual or moonromantic, I am certainly entitled to do that. However, labels are words that are intended to convey meaning. And in order for a word to have meaning, especially if we are talking about something as important as sexuality, it has to be rooted in something. If a whole bunchof people decide the sky is fluorescent yellow, that doesn't make it fluorescent yellow. And the problem with all of the undocumented labels is that there's little to no agreement on what they mean... much like 'unicornsexual.' But the comparison to being gay, not being an official thing or terms like 'heterosexual' isn't a good one, because we have about 70 years of scientific study on gay sexuality and heterosexuality, and understand those pretty well, because a bunch of different researchers have studied them, documented their findings, and those findings have been peer reviewed and validated by other researchers. The same is not true for unrecognized labels, which is why there is a problem... 20 different people might give 20 different definitions, and then nobody knows what it means... which is exactly what has happened with these unrecognized labels. Nonetheless, you are as welcomed to use 'heteroromantic' as I am to use 'unicornsexual' and both have similar value in accurately describing anything. However, when you start using unrecognized labels to try and tell someone else what they might be, and those labels are not recognized or based in any credible evidence... that's problematic. Since there is no documented evidence that romantic orientation is separate from sexual orientation (because, really, there's no such thing as romantic orientation, other than the synonym, "emotionally intimate friendship") we're doing a disservice to someone who is trying to figure himself out by representing something for which there's no basis. Most likely, the OP is either bisexual, or possibly he's even closer to the gay side of the spectrum, but isn't comfortable opening up to the emotion that comes with deep, emotionally intimate love. And that, unlike unrecognized labels, is extremely well researched and documented.
Adam.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) when that becomes necessary! *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. When I first joined Empty Closets I was in need of a lot of support and encouragement and I found it here…EC is a safe place. I hope that you'll find good things here too! Folks here will talk to you and share...you don't have to be afraid of asking questions...we're glad to have you! Empty Closets is all about making connections and giving LGBT folks a voice when they otherwise don't have one in their day-to-day lives. I can see that you have already found the "Sexual Orientation" forum...that's good...and you've gotten some good feedback too. I would agree with @Chip as far as labels go. I am glad to have a label. I'm one of the people who needed to feel that he belonged somewhere and a label was good for me. Everyone does not need to have a label. If you don't feel comfortable with one then don't worry about it! At the same time, if you do choose a label, please be careful not to let it restrict who you really are! Just you be you! Some info on how to navigate EC: When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can always send me a Private Message. .....David
I think I'm more-or-less the same. As others have said, the labels are bisexual, hetero-romantic. If you develop romantic feelings for a man in future, you'll then become pan-sexual, I believe.
Again, there's zero data that suggests that there are discordant sexual and romantic orientations. Anyone can call themselves anything they wat, but please do not make suggestions to other people based on information for which there is no scientific basis.
I don't think anyone should have a label you like who you like and that should be it! Sick of labels me.
Labels help people who can't relate to the standard ones. It's a huge relief to find your own as you feel like a freak who doesn't belong anywhere otherwise.
I think there is a lot more to look at. We don't often talk about availability and access. Or even conditioning. If I am not in relationship mode and don't have to do too much work to snag someone I consider attractive for a romp, I'll go for it. This applied more in the past than it does today. That means I turn down sex from someone who is needy, clingy, and may have their feelings hurt. Dry spells can wear on a person. I visit a certain bank. I usually get the same 2 or 3 tellers. There's one teller who may be in her late 20s or early 30s. That means she's considerably younger than me. I told her that she has a double in someone I went to high school with ... when this person was about her age. She was married (ring) and I was not hitting on her. I've been going in there for at least a year. She was a lot more curt when she is normally pleasant. It makes you think twice about giving someone compliments, let alone going to this branch or her teller window in the future. On the other hand, I was in a nice restaurant for lunch right before Christmas. I had a main server for my table but this guy was helping out and also bringing things to the table. We chatted a little bit, with some things but not too much in common, and he later came around and leaned over and quietly said, "I should give you my number." I laughed it off and said, "Oh, I'll be back soon." I wasn't interested. There were some red flags. Had I been interested, I would have responded to his approach differently. If a person you find attractive wants to have sex with you, that's very sexy. That's why a person who is attractive and is sending off signals that there is a wall doesn't really lose their allure, but you should just preserve your own self-esteem, not push it, and walk away from it. I learned this in my 20s and definitely by the time I hit 30. At the end of it all, saying some people are "sexual" or "very sexual" almost works better than labels for me, but I still use them because other people understand them better than "sexual" or "very sexual."
I do fully get that philosophy, and it makes a lot of sense. I will probably start employing it myself, actually! TBH, though, I wouldn't have been able to do that if not for understanding things through labels, first. I've found out I'm likely bi-gender and bi-sexual, and am totally a service-based submissive. The "only" people in life who gave off signals to me were occasional bi/gay men and aggressively dominant ladies. As I didn't understand myself (that things work back-to-front for me), I felt repulsion instead of attraction at their interest and so fled. It was only through starting to grasp and research these labels, I was able to fully understand the way I was. I do totally get how people with more mainstream labels find it all a bit silly, but to me they were critical to me accepting myself. If I hadn't been able to look deeply into submission, and find my niche (which wasn't easy, given most BDSM leaves me cold), I wouldn't have ever started to work out that I even had a feminine side and research/accept it. It must seem really weird to you? That someone simply can't understand sexual interest in their 20s or 30s. That's how it was for me, though: the women I was attracted to weren't interested in me at all. I had no idea what it was even like to feel mutual attraction! I was just desperately trying to be masculine, something that seemed so simple for most guys... It was horrible and I'll be forever grateful labels were created for people like me. I've since found it much easier to chat to women and go on dates. I'm a lot more normal (and therefore more attractive to a much wider variety of people) than I ever was, and it was purely through labels I was able to find the information I needed in order to achieve that.
Do you think if you had learned about the Kinsey scale in school and it was taught as simple facts about humans, do you think it would have helped you understand yourself sooner and been positive for you? I think it would have for me to understand my looking at guys was me being gay, it was more than liking their hair, fitness or style lol. I thought I wanted to be friends with them since they were what women wanted. At the same time if I was friends with those guys, I might be pressured to be with women, so maybe I subconsciously knew I'd never fit in, so I stuck with friends who rarely had dates lol, but eventually they all married.
I very much doubt it mnguy. For me, I had to understand on a fundamental level that I was attracted to women in a backwards way, before I could eventually translate that to men too. I do totally relate to it being more than physical aspects/fashion. I'm only attracted to very beautiful blonde women, through looks, for all other people it's about assertiveness and natural confidence. I was never able to understand it when I read in places that women were attracted to more than looks, I do get it now (at least a little) I think! When did you realize you were interested in men?
