What is like for gay man to be in sexual relationship with woman?

If I am honest looking back I really didn’t have a great interest in sex with women. I engaged in it but it never felt completely right to me. Towards the end I wasn’t even able to fake my way through it by thinking of a guy. Sex with women always seemed like a chore and when I could I avoided it. With men it’s as if I have the sex drive of a younger man!

 

I remember when over the years I had encounters with men (always loaded at the time) and never did a repeat with any of them. I worked so hard to stay away from encounters with men for so long and I always ended up back with a man. I thought it was only about sex, but it wasn’t. I was attracted to men and it scared me big time. So, I did my best to have sex with every woman I could. That ended 3 marriages and it was all a disaster. Now here I am in my 70’s having just told my wife I’m Trans and attracted to both men and women, probably headed to another divorce. Say all that to say, if I had acknowledged my truth a very long time ago, I might have settled into my truth and spent my life as Trans/Bi/Whatever and been at pece instead of hiding ‘myself from myself and everyone else.

 

Yes it was a relief! Like you I worried about 'performing' and just wanted it over with. With men I don't even think about my own 'performance' I am just so into performing oral sex and pleasing them that I don't even think about my own orgasm.

 

With women it was a chore to try to please them and I just tried to get off and get it over with.
With men, I don't want it to end and I think more about pleasing my partner. I have also noticed my sexual drive changed - I am far more interested in giving a blow job or receiving anal intercourse than ejaculating.

 

Absolutely understand this sentiment. I feel the same way. Where with a woman I just wanted sex to be over with a man I wish it would on forever. It so much more satisfying on every level with another man. Can’t imagine how I let myself miss out for so long.

 

That’s great, Searching. I feel the same too. Never want it to end. I bet now that you have experienced all this there’s zero risk of your slipping back into denial!

 

We didn't know anything else. I remember mindlessly trying to 'pump' myself inside a woman and trying as quickly as possible to get off before I lost my erection. I just thought that's how sex was.

I had heard from other men here once you are with a man it validates all your feelings and the denial and doubts go away, but I was skeptical. Just like I was when someone said "look in the mirror and say to yourself that you're gay'. I really wanted to date first, but I was anxious to get my feet wet so I did a couple of hookups. The first didn't want any intimacy really and acted a little abusive, but still, I gave him a blow job. It was just ok - it would have been better but he seemed to get off on saying abusive things..., but it felt a lot more right than any sex I had with women. The second was much better, I also made sure even for a hook up that we had a little more in common. He was nice and understanding about me being 'new'. The first time I gave him a blow job, the second I let him perform anal intercourse - he was gentle and helped me along .. at first it hurt a little but then he hit my 'spot' and I started experiencing sex like I never have before, after that it was all over . I had played with toys before but it was nothing like this - universe bending multiorgasmic sex. After that any doubts vanished. Sex with a woman can't even come close.

thanks for the wall post I wasn't able to reply

 

Actually connecting emotionally and sexually with another man tends to help us eliminate any remaining doubts about our sexuality. Once you have unleashed that unbridled passion you cannot put the genie back in the bottle and why would you want to.

 

Nice description! When you have a connection with your partner it is just so amazing. Am so glad that you put all your doubts to rest. As Contented says, there can be no turning back now!

 

Its such a beautiful feeling to have all that doubt behind me. There is nothing to 'turn back' to, it has only become clear that I have never had any real sexual attraction to women.

 

This is so true! I had fantasized about men for a long time, but as soon as I started giving a blow job for the first time, everything just felt so natural and I wanted to do it vs 'let's get this over with' feeling I had with women.

I was scared that after I orgasmed I might have regret or doubt but the opposite happened. With women after orgasming I felt repulsed but after I came from receiving anal, I felt exhausted but so affirmed and I felt like a different person, its hard to explain.

 

You’re so right. Everything with gay sex feels so natural and beautiful. I can understand how you felt affirmed and a new person. I had a similar sensation when I first experienced it and it only gets better and more rewarding and affirming. So pleased for you!

 

Very similar to my first experience as well. I thought that after my first sexual experience with a man I would find out it didn’t live up to my fantasy. The opposite was the case as it was so incredibly sensual and erotic I was blown away. Wasn’t sure I could even engage in anal, boy was I wrong. The literal and figurative connection to another man is so far superior to anything with a woman. With women I just wanted it over and afterwards was grossed out. With a man I just want it to go on and on.

 

Yes this is how I feel now, and I realize I always felt that way about women, I just didn't realize I would not feel that way about sex with men.

Even though it hurt a little at first, it felt so right when he entered me. Once I relaxed and hit my 'spot' I couldn't believe the how incredible it felt. Also I was never able to 'talk' with women during sex but I had no problem telling him how much I wanted his c*ck and to f*ck me harder!

 

I have moods where I'm anything from kinsey 1 to 5. When I'm in the wrong mood sex (with that sex) is a chore. When I'm in the zone it's the best.

I have had great experiences with both but have had stretches of my life lasting years where I felt mostly straight or mostly gay.

 

Depends on the guy. As for me, I’m still questioning myself, but as of the past year or so I’ve had erection quality issues. My best position is missionary for stimulation, staying hard, and jus the view but I’ve never been able to finish, whether it’s been cis woman, trans woman, or trans man. I’m 27 and been sexually active since 16. Also have always had poor sensitivity which makes masturbation take a long time and not be too pleasurable so that could play a role too. I don’t typically fantasize about anyone other than my partner, and prefer to focus on the sensation itself. Though I think there’s an emotional disconnect there which makes it more like I’m focusing on trying to masturbate into them as opposed to how I imagine sex is supposed to be experienced. I enjoy pleasing, and the experience of sex as an activity. But I’ve also gone 4 hour sessions of sex with just precum at best.


Now however as of the past 2 years, blowjobs do nothing for me as they’ve never been particularly stimulating, but also I’m not mentally as turned on by it anymore I guess. Also while I used to be very into cunnilingus, I’m more neutral on it as of late. Eating ass is hot sometimes, and fingering a girl typically gets me turned on. I’ve tried anal and it didn’t do much, again attributing to sensitivity issues, and maybe a porn addiction I need to get under control as well.

 

I had quite a few relationships and had sex with women, which i did enjoy. Especially when being in relationships. I did have sex with women (one night stands e.g) where I wanted to get it over with and just ejaculate. I sometimes had a hard time staying hard.


Especially in the beginning when meeting woman and being in a relationship the sex was good and exciting; I thoroughly Enjoyed it. But a pattern for me is that after I while I lost interest when the novelty was gone, and gay fantasies came in: I started to watch porn more often and masturbated instead of having sex with my partner. Or I masturbated when being alone and fantasizing about sex with men. And when the pressure built of so strongly I had to cheat on her - which I thoroughly regret.


I never had sex with a man without feelings of guilt, shame or disgust unfortunately.