How do I come out to my wife?

I have been married to the same woman for 22 years. I have been bisexual (gay-leaning ) since I can remember but she doesn’t know that. I have been in denial all this time and this denial is tearing me apart inside. We’ve built a life together and have children and grandchildren as a result. Now, my daughter has come out to me as being bisexual. Do I start with a conversation with my daughter and explain that her bisexuality came from me? I have so many reservations and fears surrounding this! I need some advice. Thank you so much for any help!!

 

Thank you for sharing! Wow! Our similarities are staggering! I agree with you that at some point, the truth must come out, no matter the consequences. It would be wonderful to stop carrying that burden around after all these years. I think I am finally starting to love who I really am and not who I think everyone else wants me to be! Does this sound familiar? I bet it does for many of us here! Thank you so very much for your kind thoughts!

 

My daughter is openly bi. And the only people who know about me are this forum and my father. At some point, I would like to tell my daughter about my story.

 

And she is a teenager and an inspiration to me! I wish I had that confidence way back in 1989! If so, I wouldn’t be having this conversation now!

 

There very well could be a gay/ bi gene. I’m not yet convinced otherwise. Although it does appear to be random. Yet still, I can’t help but compare to my own situation. My father is gay. He was about my age when he came out. I am finally giving in the the fact that I am gay as well. And now my daughter proclaimed that she’s bisexual. That’s 3 generations! If this doesn’t offer evidence of a gay gene, I don’t know what does. Then again, it could all be one big coincidence!

 

I agree! It’s much easier to come out in today’s world. And my wife and I are very supportive of her and allow her to be who she really is. Personally, when I was 14, the homophobia in my family and community made such an admission nearly impossible with the biggest obstacle being my own mother!! “I want grandkids someday. Don’t take that away from me!”

 

After reading many posts, my question shifts from if I should come out to when I should come out? Finding a live person that I can trust with such an admission is what I’m thinking. My first thought is my sister since she came out years ago and actually tried a gay relationship. She ended up being bi but I think she knows exactly what I’m going through. Any thoughts on the matter? Feedback is most appreciated!

 

That’s my main dilemma as well. If I confide in someone other than my wife, that definitely would make me feel guilty!

 

Is your marriage still intact? That’s what my plan was. come out as bisexual because at one point, I actually was! But I think it was more my conscience battling my sexuality! “I can’t be gay! I could look at a woman and be sexually attracted to her! Just watch!” I kept telling myself that even though deep down, I knew it wasn’t the case!