Hi, I made a thread here two years ago questioning my sexuality, I was unsure if I was straight, gay, or bi. It was the general consensus that I was bi but leaned gay. Recently, I’ve come to conclusion even with my history of intimate heterosexual experiences, I vastly prefer the homosexual experiences. I do not go out of my way to meet women anymore, and I frequently fantasize about intimate and even non-intimate encounters with older men. As you can guess, the only intimate encounters I experience at the moment are hook ups with older men. With that said, I’d like to know your guys’ experience with moving past “just sex” when coming to terms with your new sexuality. I know I want sex with men, but I also know I want to develop something more real with an older man. Thing is, there is a lot of heterosexual programming that I’m overcoming in this process. For example, I’ll have an encounter with a man and be completely into it. Though, once I finish, I am totally not into the situation and revert to trying to convince myself I prefer women. I know for a fact I no longer prefer nor seriously desire experiences with women. Has anyone been through this type of thing? That is, you know what you want and what you like, but your mind still just tries to hold on to something that isn’t there.
I think part of it is practice/experience - it's easier to get caught up in the sexual excitement than to undo a lifetime of social conditioning! And we really shouldn't underestimate how powerful and pervasive that conditioning is! Also I think when we are first exploring things, most of our experiences ARE hookups (maybe especially for guys?) - so it's normal to have more experience sexually than emotionally/romantically at first? I wasn't sure how to relate to other men at first because I've always had trouble with male friendships and hadn't experienced any other type of male relationship til later in life but over time it got less awkward and I began to enjoy the friendship/hanging out part as well!
@Nameerf76 thanks for your response. I figured that may be the answer! After spending a lifetime developing emotional closeness with women only and having none with men in that at, it seems natural that time is the answer. I guess I just want to be the guy that’s “gay already” and not transitioning into that phase so I can stop feeling so repelled by what I know is true.
It can take quite a time to undo the societal conditioning. I think that the answer is to develop a relationship with a guy first before any intimacy and then when you are intimate it will mean so much more and you will not feel that you need to convince yourself afterwards that you like women as that will clearly not be the case.
@Enzo46 Agreed. Thanks for the response. It just gets alarming at some points as there are some truly decent guys I meet and I’d like to have space for them in both romantic/intimate ways. friends first!
