Ok this have probably been asked before but here i go anyway. I am a bisexual man and i have been in a relationship with the same woman for 6 years now but i never told her about my true sexual orientation. I wish i could tell her but i'm kinda afraid of her reaction so i'm looking for some tips on how to subtly check if she would accept me for it before risking telling her.
Flippy.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) when that becomes necessary! *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. When I first joined Empty Closets I was in need of a lot of support and encouragement and I found it here…EC is a safe place. I hope that you'll find good things here too! Folks here will talk to you and share...you don't have to be afraid of asking questions...we're glad to have you! Empty Closets is all about making connections and giving LGBT folks a voice when they otherwise don't have one in their day-to-day lives. In particular you may want to check out the forum that is titled "Sexual Orientation”, there are people there who may have dealt with some of the same kind of issues that could be challenging you. Some info on how to navigate EC: When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can always send me a Private Message. .....David
Flippy.....Now that I've done the greeting...on to the rest! Have you and she ever watched any movies or streamed any shows that had queer characters in them? That might give you some idea of how she feels about the whole thing. As a matter of fact, if you have been with her for 6 years, surely you have some idea of what she thinks about the LGBTQ Community! That would give you an idea of how subtle you need to be in introducing your sexuality to her. You haven't shared a lot with us about your sexuality. Granted you have said that you are bisexual...but to what degree are we talking about? If you are comfortable answering some questions...Have you ever been with a guy? Are you wanting to explore a relationship with a guy at this point in your life or are you happy & satisfied to be with/stay with your girl friend? As you look to the future, do you see yourself in a continuing relationship with a woman, your girlfriend or any woman, or do you think that at sometime in the future you would like to try a relationship with a guy? The longevity of your current relationship depends a lot on where you see your self in the immediate as well as the longtime future. If/when you do come out to her, those will be some of the first questions that she will ask. Also... Do you want to stay with me? Do you want to be with a guy? etc. It's a good idea to sit down now and think about the questions she might ask if you come out to her. Say four or five questions that you think she would want to ask. Then have answers to those questions already worked out. That will make you look much more mature and prepared. You will want to come across as someone who has thought this through seriously and are talking to her about this because you care about her. Trying to figure out the odds of acceptance is not very easy. You are going to have to go on her attitude that you have observed in the past when LGBTQ issues have come up in the news and how she has reacted to LGBTQ characters in movies & shows. If you happen to have some friends, relatives, acquaintances, someone who lives in the apartment around the corner who is queer...how has she treated them or what comments has she made about or to them? I'm glad that you are thinking about this and asking this question. It shows that you are serious about this situation and that you care about treating her fairly and treating yourself honestly also! As I said before, we're glad that you found us here on Empty Closets! Remember, you are a part of our LGBTQ Family and We Do Care! .....David
LGBTQ+ issues in the news are sometimes a talking point where you can gauge people's feelings... but yes, without knowing the person and your relationship with them it's impossible to say how they'll react.. I came out to my wife a few years ago and it WAS an emotional rollercoaster! But we're still together and closer than ever. We actually ended up deciding on an open relationship which is not everyone's cup of tea but works really well for us! I never would have predicted it when we met 23 years ago though!
Show her the Kinsey scale and ask her where she is on it and then you can say you are 3 or whatever. I wish this was standard info for anyone who wants to date, like in a profile, "I'm 7' tall, super fit and into gym, brown eyes and K6". This would help reduce bi and gay stigma so much if people were honest and it was just data like any other.
So to give more details, i am only attracted to men sexually. I don't have any attraction in every day life and i would not dste other guys other than for sex (so maybe it makes me more of an open minded person than a bi i'm not quite sure but i used to have sex with many men beforr meeting her and i kinda miss it) I know my girlfriend is also open minded as she have a gay uncle and she is fine with it and his coming out never changed their relationship. Where it starts to be complicated is that i know a lot of girl who respect gsys and bi but wouldn't feel comfortable dating one wich is somehow understandable so this is where it scares me a bit to let her know i also like having sex with men. She might have some doubts as i keep joking about it and as we do some stuff in bed that could hint that way (like havung me lick my cum off of her etc.) But i'd like to know a way i could steer a conversation toward knowing how she would feel about all this because if i found out she woulf leave me for it i would just keep it for myself again.
Let her be open minded then and expand it even farther, a gift you can bestow upon her! Do you see how the continued hiding of this, keeps it so that you and others can never be honest? It's a self perpetuating system. Maybe you don't think you want to date a guy, today, but you may want to later like countless other guys who claimed the same. Or not, but either way you've had lots of sex with guys, enjoy it, want more and by not sharing that, you support the very oppression compelling your worry about this. Wouldn't you rather be with a woman who knows this part of you and isn't prejudiced about it? Also, I thought we're not supposed to have secrets in healthy relationships? This is why I can't have ltr so I probably shouldn't be replying to you lol, I'm sorry.
Interesting, when you say you don't have attraction to men in everyday life, what do you mean? You don't check out guys at all when you're out and about, or just no romantic connection to guys? If the latter, do you think there's a chance of internalized homophobia blocking that possibility? Do you feel you could never connect emotionally to another man? It's good to ask yourself these questions as your partner will more than likely ask you once you tell her everything else. Best of luck
First welcome to EC. You’ve found the right place to get the support you want and the information you may seek as well. So I am a pretty old guy who had a life changing event and following that told my wife of 34 years that I was Bi. She freaked of course and I expected that. I very patiently let her know this was about my sexual identity not who I was having sex with. In her case and mine there is no interest in having sex with others. Unless I’m reading your post wrong you seem to be looking for permission. Is that true or not true? How you approach each option probably requires a different approach.
Trust in her and trust in your relationship. Try not to let your fear of possibilities deny you the joy of being who you always are.
