A thought that comes up sometimes and I need some advice or ideas

Lyric,

I’m married and our children are grown and live on their own now. I always knew I wanted to be a father, and I think it is one of the most important role/identity I’ve had. I love my wife, and (just in the past five years) I also know I’m bisexual. I am not sure what path I would take if I was young now, there are so many options and family configurations.

I chose someone I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I’m good at monogamy, though I think about guys all the time now at this late stage of my life and it took years for my wife to be comfortable with me being out to everyone.

The choices I made worked out for me, and I was willing to work on the relationship. Most importantly I accept and embrace myself and I am honest to myself and my wife (and everyone).

I don’t know if that helps, as I’m from a different time and culture (and different gender). Welcome to Empty Closets, and look around the various forums, there is so much variety of ways of navigating life shown here - and great people.

 

Lyrie, my advice to to determine if it’s the husband what you prefer to have or the kids. If you really want a husband good on you, the kids will come along. But if it’s just the kids it’s not fair to get a husband into a false relationship that is bound for divorce. You need to define your sexual orientation first before you decide on the later.

 

It is quite natural for your brain to feel like it wants what is “normal”. That is what society has told you you should want for all of your life. I agree that you shouldn’t just get a husband to have kids as that isn’t fair on anyone. If it helps I have a wife and an adopted child so if you have any questions feel free to ask. I know it wouldn’t be deemed the normal way but there is more to being a mother than giving birth to the child.